HELP ME FALL
by M.K. Hulsey
Summary: Claire is running to Tampa to escape the past hell of her life, to start fresh and new and to make a change. Along the way she meets her best friend, she learns they all aren't the same, and she overcomes...
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

It was a bright and sunny day in Louisiana, unseasonably warm for the end of January with a bird song outside of the window. Claire lay in a crumpled heap on the floor of her kitchen, silent tears washing her face. She longed to be one of the birds she heard chirping so happily outside. There high up in the trees she wouldn't ever have to live another day in this hell that was her life. She would be free to go where she wanted when she wanted too, and she would never again be beaten down. Her tears came faster and harder, causing her entire body to shake with the force of her sobs as she reminded herself that she wasn't leaving here, there was no way out for her, no escape from this life.

Claire was married to Logan Maxwell. They had been together for twelve years now and married nine of those twelve. Logan was the starting quarterback for the New Orleans Saints and all of America thought that he was the all American guy, and at events and fundraisers he and Claire were known as the all American couple. They world thought that their marriage was picture perfect, but they had no idea of just who Logan was between Sundays, between the winning games and bright smiles, the times that there were no cameras capturing his every move.

Racking her brain Claire tried to remember just when the abuse had started. It had to of been just after they were married, right about the time when he signed with the Saints for his first pro season. It had all started simple enough, with the emotional and mental abuse coming first. The little ways he began to try and control her, with little jabs at her wardrobe, or the way that she cooked or kept the house became more obvious daily. Then the hitting started about a year later. Oh make no mistake, Logan was always thoughtful and conscientious of his public image, always wanting America to think that he had the perfect life on the field as well as at home. He never hit her so that a bruise would be visible to anyone, and he made sure to never do anything that might send her to the hospital. He was still the all American hero to the rest of the world.

For eight long years now she had took his abuse, absorbed his blows to her body, mind, and heart weekly. After every beating he would apologize, sometimes even crying with her. He made sure to somehow make it her fault, if only she hadn't made him angry he wouldn't have done it. He would tell her how it would never happen again, and even though she had long since stopped believing him, still she stayed. Why should she leave anyway? He had convinced her through the years that she couldn't leave, after all where would she go and who would believe her if she told someone about what happened at home. He had made her believe that she was indeed worthless and that no one would ever want a nothing like her, so she might as well hang around.

Her mind came back to a half an hour before, the moment when everything changed. Here on this Tuesday morning, less than a week before the Super Bowl, she had made Logan mad. Even still she wasn't quite sure what she had done, but obviously breakfast had been all wrong today. She had sat his plate in front of him and in the blink of an eye he had flew into a yelling fit of rage. In his anger he had thrown his plate across the room, shattering it against the wall, sending food and shards of plate flying. She could see him still as he stood and grabbed her upper arms, squeezing hard, leaving his mark as he yelled at her.

"How many damn times do you need to be told Claire, get it right the first time you do something? That way you won't piss me off and we won't have to do this time after time. Why do you make me have to keep you in line? It's like you enjoy this Claire. Is that it, do you like when I have to get rough with you?" He shook her roughly, making her feel like a rag doll in the hands of an angry two year old.

"No Logan, I'm s-s-sorry, it was a mistake. Just tell me what was wrong, I can fix it." Wincing, Claire sucked in her breath, biting her lip against the pain that his hands were bringing to her arms. "Logan please, stop, you're hurting me."

"Oh I'm hurting you," he sneered at me. I heard him turn the stove on, and then he slammed my back into the front of the stove. The knobs dug into my back and I whimpered as the heat of the hot eye ran up her back. She was scared for the first time in years with him. "Maybe next time you will remember that you don't over cook food, and that you only serve egg whites. Maybe there won't be a next time because maybe you will finally get it. Of course I doubt that seeing as how you're so incredibly stupid." His hand stung as he slapped her cheek, a first for him. Then he was slapping her in her chest, stealing her breath.

When he hit her in the stomach she cried out, trying to cover and protect her abdomen. "Logan, stop it please! I'm sorry!" Claire was trembling beneath his evil gaze, and that was the only way to describe the look in his eyes this morning. "Please Logan don't hit me in the stomach, I'm begging you."

"Well now isn't that cute, you begging me not to do this," he said as his hard fist connected to my stomach again. "Why shouldn't I Claire?"

"Because I'm pregnant Logan," Claire blurted out. She had taken the home pregnancy test the week before and then had her doctor confirm it just a few days later. She had hoped that when she told him he would miraculously change, that maybe just maybe he would love her. Now looking into his eyes she knew that was a hopeless dream. If possible he was even angrier than he had been.

"Pregnant, you're pregnant? You whore," he raged. Claire doubled over as he connected his fist to her stomach once again. He grabbed the back of her, yanking her up straight and she whimpered in pain and in fear. "How dare you go and do something so selfishly stupid like this?" He grabbed the metal spatula from the stove top as he pulled her shirt up, exposing flesh that was already turning a bluish purple color.

She could feel the heat coming off of the metal and at the last instant realized what was about to happen to her. As the flaming metal bit into her skin, melting it away, Claire felt bile rise in her throat as the smell of her burning skin assaulted her nose. She bit down hard on her lip tasting blood, knowing that a scream would only infuriate him more. He pressed the hot spatula harder into her skin, just above her navel and when she couldn't stand it any longer she let out a loud, howling cry of pain. Then as suddenly as he had put the hot metal to her skin he threw it across the room and threw her viciously to the ground.

"I have a Super Bowl to win this week, but when I come back I expect to hear that you have taken care of the issue, that you have made sure you're not pregnant, because I do not want a child running around this house. You're bad enough as it is. I'm leaving now, and I'll be home next week, so you have plenty of time. Now get up off your sorry ass and get this mess cleaned up." Logan went upstairs and grabbed his luggage and then was gone out the back door without another word.

Claire lay there in the floor, balled up and crying, and wondered why this happened to her. She had no idea how long she lay there, listening to the birds singing their happy song and praying for a way out. When she finally pulled herself to her feet she felt a burning pain where the spatula had been. Lifting her shirt she gagged at the sight of the burned flesh, the smell that still filled the air around her. She staggered to the bedroom and into the bathroom there, searching for the first aid ointment that would hopefully bring a relief to the burning pain.

As she reached for the gauze and the antibiotic ointment she felt a sharp, tearing pain rip through her gut. At that same moment she felt a warm gush from between her legs and she knew that Logan had taken care of the pregnancy; she was miscarrying. She walked to the shower and turned the water on and then stepped into the large shower stall and let the water cascade down over her body. She watched as the water ran red at first, and then slowly cleared as all the evidence of a life that had never had a chance was washed away.

She stood there until the water ran icy cold, bringing goose bumps to her skin and stinging the raw flesh of her abdomen. She stepped out and wrapped herself in a thick towel and slowly shuffled to the bedroom. She reached into the dresser drawers and dressed in old sweat pants and an old Saints jersey, and then walked into the oversized closet. She stood there, staring at her clothes hanging so neatly and her shoes all lined up according to color and style.

"I should just pack it all up and leave," Claire thought to herself. "I could pack it all up and walk away and never look back." As soon as the thoughts entered her mind she pushed them away. She had no where to go, and no way to make a living. She hadn't been allowed to hold a job or to go to school and further her education so who would want to hire her? But still, maybe if there was just somewhere she could go, a place where she could be safe and start over, maybe then she would have hope that she could escape.

At that moment her telephone rang, pulling Claire from her thoughts. She walked to the bedside table and without looking at the caller ID she answered. "Hello?"

"Hi Claire honey, how are you?" Her mother's voice cut to her soul. Just another person she had lied to for years and hid her life from.

"I'm fine mom, how are you?"

There was a slight pause before her mother said, "I'm wonderful but I miss you so much. Maybe after the big game you and Logan could come for a visit. I'd love having you here for awhile." After another pause, Claire's mom said, "Are you sure that you're alright dear? You sound as though you've been crying."

Claire struggle to keep her composure as she said, "I think it must be a cold or something mom, that's all." She closed her eyes against the lie and the easy way that it rolled off of her tongue. "A visit sounds great though, so I'll talk to Logan about it and let you know for sure. What are you plans for the day," she asked, attempting to change the subject.

"Okay then dear. Today is my cleaning and relaxing day, nothing more," her mom chuckled.

"Speaking of cleaning mom, I had better go. The kitchen's a wreck this morning. I'll try to call you again later today though I promise."

"Alright then dear, tell Logan that I said hello and good luck Sunday night. Oh, and be sure that you take something for that cold darling."

As Claire hung the phone up and sat it back in its cradle she noticed that the top drawer on her nightstand was open. Thinking once again how nice it would be to just pack up and leave, if only she could, she looked down and saw the home pregnancy test lying in the drawer. She reached down and picked up the stick, staring at the two pink lines. A new thought hit her in that moment and she felt new emotions coursing through her body. In the past Logan had only hurt her with his abuse, but this morning he had killed her unborn child. That thought brought with it a determination she had never known. Walking into the closet she began to throw her clothes into her two suitcases, stacking her shoes neatly into a large storage tub, and for the first time in eight years she thought that maybe she just might be okay.

As Darcy Ryan put the phone back onto its charging base she felt that something was deeply wrong with Claire. A cold Claire had said, but a mother's sixth sense told her that was a lie. Yes it was cold season, so it wasn't as though a cold were totally out of the question. In fact Darcy had just battled a cold the week before, but there was something in Claire's voice that told her this was no cold. If she only knew what was actually bothering her daughter, then maybe she could help her. The fact that Claire had felt the need to lie was more troubling than anything else though. Since when had her only child felt the need to hide things from her?

Of course, Claire had always been a daddy's girl and it was at times like this that Darcy felt his absence the most. He could have gotten her to tell him what it was that was bothering her. He would have known just what to say to get Claire to open up and talk about the trouble, if there was trouble, and he would have known how to ease Darcy's nerves right now.

Walking over to the mantle and taking the picture from her husbands last year of life Darcy smiled. In the picture he was smiling into the bright rays of the sun on a sandy beach. "Oh, Aidan, why did the cancer have to be so vicious, so cruel? Why did it have to win the fight? I need you here with me now. I need your help with Claire. Something is wrong I know it but I can't put my finger on what it could be. It's that mother's sense that you always said I had I guess. Help me Aidan; help me to help your daughter. I miss you so very badly. After nine years it's still no easier at all." Darcy kissed the picture before carefully setting it back in its place on the mantle.

Aidan had been so alive, so carefree before the cancer had attacked him. Even then he was alive and vibrant til the end. No one had known that he was fighting the disease until it was too late. Then two months to the day after walking his only child down the aisle he was gone. The loss had hit everyone hard, but it had sent Claire into a downward spiral, landing her in a dark pit of sorrow that lasted for months. Nothing had been able to help her, not even Logan. Even though he was Claire's forever love, Aidan had been their daughter's first love.

Darcy walked over to her couch and sat down propping up her feet and leaning back into the corner and closing her eyes. Thoughts haunted her, all of the worst scenarios flooding her mind. What if her daughter were sick, sicker than anyone knew, like her father had been? Darcy couldn't handle another hit like that in her life. With the thoughts floating around her head and a prayer on her lips Darcy fell into a troubled sleep.

Two hours after hanging up with her mother Claire had everything that she needed to survive. She was packed up and had everything loaded into the car. All that was left for her to do was to leave, but she hesitated. Logan was going to be furious when he returned home and found her gone. After this morning she was terrified about what he might do, of the beating that she would surely receive. Logan's violence had been escalating these days, becoming more intense, driven by a hatred for something that she didn't know. Lately each beating was worse than the one before and in her heart she knew that staying would mean that she would suffer terribly. Leaving was her only option, at least the only option that would save her life.

Grabbing her car keys Claire headed for the door, stepping over broken shards of plate and pieces of bacon. She wouldn't be cleaning up this mess, or any other rage induced mess ever again. Shutting the door that led to the garage behind her, she climbed behind the wheel of her BMW. The car had been an apology gift after one of his tirades and it proved how Logan didn't know her at all. It was much too flashy for her simple tastes.

As she cranked the car Claire winced at the pain in her stomach and put the car in reverse. She backed out of the garage slowly and with one last look at the house that had been her own prison for years she headed toward the freeway, and her freedom.

At five o'clock that Tuesday afternoon Claire pulled into her mother's driveway. She sat in the car for a minute before climbing out and grabbing the two rolling suitcases from the backseat. I walked slowly up the cobblestone walkway that led to the front door of the home she had grown up in. With her finger about to ring the doorbell she hesitated.

"God I'm about to hand a very heavy load to my mom, a load of abuse, lies, and pain. Help her through this, and let her know that I am so sorry for keeping this all from her. Thanks God." After the quickly whispered prayer Claire allowed her finger to tap the doorbell twice and then stepped back and waited for her mom to open the door.

"Claire I wasn't expecting you today," Darcy said as she opened the door. "Are you alright Claire?" She eyed her daughter's luggage and then took one look at her face. Her gut clenched and she knew that her earlier feeling that something was far from right in Claire's world.

"Can I come in mom?"

Stepping aside and taking hold of Claire's two suitcases, Darcy let her daughter walk into the house. Closing the door behind them she said, "Let's go into the kitchen and I'll make us some hot tea. There is some thera-flu if you need it for your cold."

Taking a seat at the kitchen table Claire winced as a red hot flame of pain shot through her midsection. "Hot tea will be just fine ma, thanks."

Darcy busied herself with the task of making the tea, adding lemon and honey to the chamomile tea bag and hot water. The comforting scent did little to ease her nerves today and picking up the mugs to carry them to the table Darcy avoided her daughter's eyes. She wanted to post pone whatever it was that Claire was going to tell her for as long as she could. Sitting the tea in front of her daughter she said, "There you go dear, now let me go fix us some toast and we'll be all set."

Claire covered her mom's hand with her and attempted a smile. "Please mom, tea's enough for now. Just sit here with me for a minute." Claire's voice was thick with emotion and she swallowed around the growing lump in her throat. "I've got to tell you something's that aren't going to be easy and right now I want you to know that I'm sorry. I've been lying to you and I need you to know that I truly am sorry."

"Claire its okay darling, what's going on sweet girl? Tell me how I can help you please."

Claire took a deep breath and let it out slowly gathering her thoughts. The best way was to just say it she decided so she told her mom, "I'm leaving Logan mom. I'm leaving him for good. I want a divorce and I want my maiden name back. I want a complete separation from everything that he and I had together."

Darcy blinked, trying to make sense of her daughter's words. "Divorce," she muttered. "You two are so happy together and whatever this is between you its nothing that can't be worked through. You can't just walk away without trying everything there is to help Claire. Have you tried...?"

"Mom, listen to me, please." Claire interrupted her mom eager to get it all out. "I don't want to try counseling, and I don't want to work it out. We're not happy, we haven't been in ages. The smiles and happiness were all a big lie to hold up Logan's image for the public."

"Claire what is so bad that you can't work through it?"

This was one of the hardest things that Claire had ever had to do. Suddenly she was scared to tell her mom about the years of abuse that she had suffered. What if Logan had been right all along and no one believed her, not even her mom? "Mom, for the past eight years Logan has been hitting me. It's just getting worse with time, not better. I'm scared to stay mom, but at the same time I'm scared to leave."

Darcy choked out a cry, getting up and going around and kneeling at her daughter's feet. Holding onto her hands she brushed a stray curl out of Claire's face. "Oh my Claire darling, I'm so sorry. How on earth did I not know this was going on?" She kissed her daughter's cheeks then and wrapped her in a tight hug.

Claire's face shifted with a pain that was as much emotional as it was physical from her mother's embrace. Her back was aching now from where he had shoved her into the stove and that coupled with the pain from the burn was almost too much to bear. "Mom I didn't want you to know. I didn't want anyone to know that I was so weak that I let him do this to me. I'm so sorry that I kept it from you for so long. Can you ever forgive me?"

Darcy smiled through her tears at her daughter. "Look at you, so worried about being forgiven for something when you have done nothing wrong."

After a minute Claire said, her voice barely a whisper, "I found out last week that I was pregnant. This morning he beat me again, and he took it to a new level. He burned me with a hot spatula, like he was branding a cow or something. He just held it there on my skin, pressing it in until it had gone cold. Normally he just uses his hands... but today, today he was angrier than I've ever seen him." Claire's voice broke off, giving way to heaving sobs that brought pain to her burned skin. "When I went to bandage myself after he left, I think I miscarried mom. There was so much blood... it wouldn't stop."

Darcy was shocked at this news, revolted that this man who she had thought was taking care of her daughter was so full of hate. "Did you go to the hospital and have it checked out? You don't want the burn getting infected and a miscarriage, oh Claire," she gave in to the tears that flooded her eyes then hugging her daughter.

"No I didn't, I was too afraid, and alone."

"Well you're not alone now; I'm here for you no matter what it is. Let me put some ointment on your burn, and then we will go to the hospital and get you checked out okay?"

Nodding Claire stood and followed her mother to the bathroom so that her wound could be cared for. When she lifted her shirt she heard her mother's soft gasp of shock and disgust at the sight of her stomach. When she looked down she noticed then that there were bruises working their way around her sides and to her back and she had to look away.

As Darcy applied the cream lightly so as not to hurt her daughter further she cried tears from the pit of her soul. As she finished the task at hand she stood and took her only child into her arms. "Claire I love you, and nothing can ever change that. These next few days, weeks, and months aren't going to be easy at all, and you're going to have to do things that you don't want to do, but I will be there every step of the way. First things first, we have to get you to the hospital. That looks like a third degree burn and I don't want it to cause problems. Then we need to get you a restraining order against him. I know it's going to be hard, I really do, but you're not alone anymore darling."

Claire nodded her agreement and let herself be led out of the bathroom and out of the house to her mom's car. They made the drive to the hospital in a teary silence, letting all that had been revealed sink in. They never let go of each other's hands, even at the hospital, except when Claire was taken for x-rays. They filed a report and were given instructions on how to go about gaining a restraining order before being given a prescription for an antibiotic and a pain pill and being sent home. That night sleep came quick for both of the women. The next morning was going to be hard on them both as they filed the restraining order before heading to the attorneys office to begin the divorce paperwork.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Wednesday morning dawned bright and sunny, cheerful even. Before Claire had the chance to take it all in and appreciate the brilliant blue skies, she was painfully reminded that no matter how perfect the day appeared outside her window, it was far from it in her life. Her back screamed out with pain and her stomach was blazing hot even before she fully opened her eyes. The pain was accompanied by a reminder that today would be a day that would change her world forever.

Opening her eyes slowly to peer at the bedside clock Claire had to bite her lip against the pain as she slowly swung her feet to the floor and pushed herself out of the bed. In the bathroom she showered quickly under a cold stream of water and only looked in the mirror as she softly toweled her body dry. The bruises that she bore were the worst she had ever worn, wrapping from her navel around her sides and across her back. They would eventually fade she knew, and soon enough no one would ever see the evidence that Logan was a monster. It wasn't the bruises that had Claire's eyes stinging with tears though, it was the image of the spatula, burned into her skin. The doctors had said the wound would heal and that the scar from it would fade a bit, but never go away completely. It would be a lasting reminder to her of what her husband, the man who had sworn to love her forever, had done to her, and what no man would ever do to her again.

Dressed in lightweight and casual clothes, Claire headed downstairs and found her mom in the kitchen waiting on her with a hot plate of breakfast. Claire took a seat at the table and drank from a tall glass of orange juice before saying good morning to her mother.

"Good morning yourself dear, did you sleep well last night," Darcy replied.

"Yeah, the pain medicine really helped with the pain and helped me to sleep better I think. I woke up aching though," Claire said. She had also woken up angry at herself for dealing with Logan and the hell he had put her through. She knew at some level that it wasn't her fault but it was hard to let all of his words and hate go, to just brush them off and act like they had never been said. It was hard to not believe the things that she had been told year after year as well, but she knew that in time she would be able to find the person that she had once been.

Sighing deeply, feeling the weight of her daughter's pain, Darcy stood and gathered her breakfast plate and her glass and walked over to place them into the sink. "Well I guess that is good at least. You need your rest through all of this. I'm going to run up to the bedroom and change shoes and get my purse then we can head out. Your appointment is in a half hour."

"Alright mom, I'll be right here waiting."

Ten minutes later the two were in the car and headed down the highway toward the lawyers office. When they were almost there Darcy reached out to take Claire's hand. "I want you to know Claire, I am so proud of you and the strength that you showed by coming to me, by standing up and taking back control of your life. I know that we don't think much of divorce but I definitely believe that in some circumstances it is okay. I would rather have a divorced child than a dead one."

"I know that you understand mom, but I would be lying if I said that I wasn't worried about what Mam and Pa will think of this. I tell myself that they will understand too, see it the way that you do, but then I remember that they are old Irish and don't believe in divorce for any reason at all. I don't want to disappoint them mom."

As she parked the car and took the keys out of the ignition, Darcy turned to face her daughter. "Sweetheart they love you dearly and they will be as supportive as I am in this. They wouldn't want you living the way that you have been for so long. They will be okay with your decision."

Claire nodded and then climbed out of the car, followed closely by her mother and headed in to the lawyer's office. Inside Claire signed in and then took a seat in a plush tan colored chair to wait on the lawyer to come call for her. Within ten minutes she and her mother were being led to a corner office at the end of a long hallway.

The office was actually friendly looking, with its cream colored walls and the large, plush sage green chairs. The desk was large but not overwhelming, and the lady who sat on the other side of the desk seemed to fit the room perfectly. She had a soft smile as she stood to greet Claire and Darcy, shaking their hands briefly before taking her seat again.

"Hello, I'm Victoria Brewer, it's a pleasure to meet you even though the circumstances leave something to be desired for you I'm sure." Looking down at the thin file on her desk she continued, "So, you two are mother and daughter I see. I guess you hear all the time that you wouldn't be able to tell that by looking at you, huh?"

Claire looked over at her dark haired blue eyed mother, thinking not for the first time that she looked like Snow White, and smiled. Claire couldn't have looked any different from her mother if she tried, with her long coppery red curls and cat green eyes, the covering of freckles that ran across her face. Victoria was right, they got that reaction all of the time.

After a bit more small talk Victoria Brewer cleared her throat and said, "Well now, let's get to the reason that you're here. I understand that you want to file for a divorce from your husband, correct Claire?" When Claire nodded silently Victoria continued. "I want to go over some things with you before we get any further into this, and I want you to know that I am on your side and will always be up front and honest with you about the case. The state of Louisiana has very direct laws about divorce. Sometimes however, there are certain circumstances that will over ride the laws that are in place. It's my job to determine if you are in a situation that will allow us to bypass the laws and begin the divorce proceedings immediately. I am going to have to ask you some questions to be able to do that and they may be difficult to answer, but it's imperative that you answer truthfully."

"I can do that, no problem. What if I don't meet the criteria, what would that mean for the divorce?"

"If three out of the ten pieces of criteria are not met then that would mean you would have to go through the steps according to the Louisiana laws governing divorce. Basically you would have to see a marriage counselor together for a six month period, and if at that time you still felt that divorce was your only option you would have to file for a legal separation, and live that way for a one year period while still undergoing marriage counseling before being able to file for a divorce."

"I don't want that Mrs. Brewer, I want out of this marriage, and I want to be Claire Ryan again. Ask me your questions, please."

With a nod Victoria said, "Okay, for starters I need you to tell me how long you and Logan were married, and if you have lived the entire time in the state of Louisiana." As Claire answered and Victoria scribbled the answers in her notepad Claire fidgeted with her hands. Her nerves were a mess, but she vowed to get through this no matter what. "Alright then Claire, to the best of your knowledge, was there any infidelity on either end of the relationship?"

Claire gave a short laugh as she said, "Logan is a professional football player who is on the road the better part of the year. He enjoys sex, and I highly doubt that he goes without too often. Can I tell you with one hundred percent certainty that he was unfaithful, no, but I can tell you I would bet my life on the fact that he was."

"Okay then, next question. Do you feel that there has been any form of abandonment on either end of the relationship?"

"Does emotional abandonment count on that one?" Victoria nodded that yes it did, so Claire said, "I would say that yes, emotionally I was abandoned by Logan. He couldn't have cared less about how I felt about anything."

More scribbling and then, "Was there ever at any point, on either end of the relationship, any form of abuse? That can include, mental, emotional, sexual, or physical. Typically when one is present, there are other types there as well."

"Abuse, huh. Did the American heartthrob and perfect husband ever abuse me?" Claire stood and pulled her shirt up and slowly turned in a circle. When she was once again facing Victoria she pulled the bandage back to reveal the burned flesh below. "How's that for an honest answer Mrs. Brewer?"

As Claire took her seat once again Victoria sat back in her chair. "Can I assume that you have filed a police report and applied for a temporary restraining order Claire?" When Claire and Darcy nodded in unison Victoria smiled. "Well then it looks like we will be beginning the paperwork today then. Now Claire, you mentioned that Logan was a professional athlete, did the two of you sign a pre nuptial agreement when you were married?"

"No ma'am we didn't. In all honesty I don't want his money out of this mess; I just want to be free."

With a sympathetic and understanding smile Victoria set about gathering all the information that she would need to get the divorce papers drawn up. Two days later, on a sunny Friday afternoon, Claire was back in the office signing the finalized forms that would severe her disastrous marriage and give her back her maiden name. Monday morning would be when Logan was served with the papers and learn of the divorce, the day after the super bowl. He was going to be extremely pissed off and Claire had a feeling that the nightmare was just beginning.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sunday Claire and her mother sat in the living room eating beef nachos and watching the Super Bowl. The Saints won thanks to Logan's performance and he was named MVP of the game and he was awarded the game ball. A reporter asked him what he planned to do now that he had won his first Super Bowl game and he flashed his perfect white smile into the camera lens.

"Of course I'm going to Disney World Mark, but I'm also going to go home and love on my wife, who has been a rock through this season, and all the others, to me. She's been incredibly supportive, more than any woman has a right to be, and I'm taking her on a vacation to some exotic place to show her my thanks."

"What do you plan on doing with your first game ball?"

Again with that perfect smile Logan says, "You know what; I think it's time to start a family, so I want to put this football up somewhere and then one day take it down to throw around with my son in the backyard. That's what I am going to do with it."

Claire picked up the remote and flicked the television off, fighting the urge to throw the remote at the television instead of putting it back on the table. She wouldn't cry. She was finished crying over Logan Maxwell. He would never again be the reason for her tears. That much she could control.

"I'm going to bed mom." Claire stood and turned to walk off down the hallway toward her room.

"Claire honey, are you alright?"

Stopping to rest her forehead against the door frame of the living room Claire sighed. "I guess so mom. I really don't know right now though. I watch him smiling and saying all of that and I think to myself that was the man I fell in love with. Then I remember that was only an act and that Logan isn't like that at all, that he killed his family, and that he doesn't love his wife or appreciate her at all. That's when it hurts the most, when I remember that."

A tear slid down Darcy's cheek as she crossed the floor to where her daughter stood. Wrapping her arms around Claire she pulled her close. "Darling, you are trying so hard to be strong, to not give him any more of yourself, but sometimes it's truly better to feel the emotions, and to allow yourself to work through them all. If you cry they aren't tears for him, caused by him, they are tears for you. It's not weakness, its strength."

"I guess so; I just want to think about the fallout that will come tomorrow when they serve him with the divorce papers. It's not going to be nice, it's going to get ugly; I just feel it." Hugging her mom back, Claire stepped back and turned back toward the bedroom. "I'm going to lie down and think. I'll see you in the morning mom."

Darcy didn't say anything as she watched Claire walking away. She said a silent prayer that God would strengthen her daughter and bring her some peace of mind in this whole situation. This whole situation was a lot to bear without someone to help lighten the load, and Darcy needed to hold on to her faith through this.

Claire slept in later than she had in years Monday morning. When she rolled out of bed at eleven thirty she noted that the pain was not nearly as bad and moving around was easier. That was something after all. After a shower and changing her bandages Claire headed to the kitchen to look for her mom. She found her sitting on the couch watching some talk show on the television.

"Morning mom, you could have waked me."

Turning her head to see Claire, Darcy smiled. "Yes, I could have, but you needed the rest. Do you want me to fix you a sandwich or something for lunch?"

"No I can get it mom, thanks."

Heading to the kitchen Claire turned her cell phone on, shocked to find no missed calls and no texts sitting in her inbox. She had expected something from Logan by now. After fixing a sandwich Claire headed out back to the garden. She took a seat on the bench there and ate her lunch. As soon as she had finished the sandwich her cell phone went off, ringing angrily.

"Hello?"

"What in the hell do you think that you are doing? Are you absolutely insane Claire? You want to get a divorce? You really think that there would be anyone else who would want you?"

"I'm not divorcing you because I want someone else to want me Logan. I could care less if I never date again. You have done enough to make me never want another man in my life again. I'm divorcing you because I cannot take the abuse anymore."

He blew out his breath on the other end of the line heavily before speaking. "You can't handle the abuse huh? Ya know if you didn't piss me off and bring it on yourself you wouldn't have any abuse! Who the hell will believe you anyway? No one, that's who. This divorce of yours, you can have because I'm sick of your sorry ass, but you better believe that it won't be easy on you. You are still my wife until this is finalized. There is nothing that you can do about that either."

"Oh Logan please, this isn't about telling anyone what you've done, who you really are. This is about breaking free. The lawyer knows, that's all," Claire said not ever remembering standing up to him this way before. Maybe it was the distance between them making it possible for her.

"Yeah, okay Claire. My lawyer will be talking to your bitch lawyer, and me and you my dear wife; we will be talking again too."

He slammed the phone down in her ear and she sat there, cell phone in hand, staring out at the fall flowers in bloom. She wanted to put everything out of her head and just get on with her life but it was hard to do when your husband hated you, and you had fallen out of love sometime during a beating.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

The next two months went by without a lot of drama, and in that time Claire met with Victoria Drake three times to discuss the divorce which seemed to be dragging on with no end in sight. Spring had sprung, lifting her spirits with its sunny days and blue skies. April showers were not coming often, at least not at the beginning of the month and that was probably the only problem that could be identified. It was hot and dry and the allergens were attacking her sinuses full force. The rain would definitely be helpful.

Claire was home alone most days and enjoyed the time to her self. With her mom back at work it gave Claire time to think about her life. She never would have believed that it would be like it was, but she would play the hand that she had been dealt. She was pondering over this one Tuesday afternoon when her cell phone vibrated, alerting her to a text message. Grabbing her cell phone thinking that it was her mom checking in she felt her blood run cold.

"Have you enjoyed your time away Claire? I think it's time that you come on home, but no worries, I'll come get you."

She hadn't heard from Logan since the morning that he had been served the divorce papers and she had thought that he was going to go along with the divorce and not make a scene, but now she was sick to her stomach. Her hands shook as she typed a response.

"Logan I'm not coming back there. We are done, there is no hope for us, you won't change and I can't live that way anymore."

There was no reply for an hour and a half and then at one o'clock there was a sound at the back door. Claire got up from the couch and headed to the kitchen to see what she could see. She assumed that it was a deer or some other animal, a sight that she was accustomed to at her childhood home. She didn't see anything and when she turned to head back into the living room there was the sound of crashing glass behind her. With a scream she spun around to see Logan standing there in the kitchen with her.

"I don't need hope Claire, but you've been rebelling long enough, now it's time to come home and get back to being a wife."

Claire backed slowly away, bumping into the table as she did. "Logan I don't want t-t-to come back with you. I don't love you and I won't be your p-p-punching bag anymore."

"Claire, be a good girl, and please don't piss me off. I don't want to have to teach you a lesson here. Let's go on home."

"NO! I have a restraining order Logan, and you will go to jail if I call the cops. If you don't leave in the next thirty seconds I will call the cops."

"One, two, three... do you want to count the time or should I do it? I'm not going anywhere. You see the thing about a restraining order is it's only a piece of paper. A piece of paper is no good for protection now is it?" Logan was across the floor and had a handful of her hair before she could even blink. "Why do you insist on pissing me off Claire? Haven't you learned yet?" His free hand connected with her cheek bone and she could feel the swelling that started immediately. "Oh, and I wouldn't advice yelling or screaming, you know how mad that makes me."

Claire clenched her teeth and fought against the tears that were battling against her eyelids. "Logan I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you I just couldn't..."

Another hand to her mouth silenced her. "When I want to know what you have to say I'll tell you. Your best bet is to shut up. I want you to call your lawyer lady and tell her it's off, that you're not getting divorced after all."

"No, I won't do that."

"What did you say?"

Claire cleared her throat and did all she could to hold her head high with him pulling on her hair like he was. "I said no, I won't do that. Go ahead Logan, beat me if that makes you feel like a man, but I won't be coming back to you."

"You filthy and ungrateful bitch," he spat as he hit her full force in the face. She felt a crack and knew that her nose was broken. In that instant she knew that this time would be the worst, and that she wouldn't come out of it the same.

Blow after blow he threw at her, pounding her as though she were a musty and sweaty punching bag in the back corner of a gym. When she fell to the ground he would grab her by the hair jerking her back to her feet. He was relentless for an hour, battering her entire body with his fists and feet. When she was down and thought that she could take no more she felt him rip at her shirt. She bit her swollen lip against what she knew was about to happen and prayed that God would be with her still.

Logan tore at her clothes and when he had her totally naked he ripped his pants down to his knees and roughly positioned himself between her legs, raping her brutally. He bit her breasts until he drew blood over and over again, and she fought screaming out in pain. He was hurting her and she felt something inside of her ripping as he continued to pound her most tender area, harder and faster, driving himself deeper into her with each thrust. Right before he reached his climax he pulled out of her and with a sneer on his twisted face he let out a laugh full of pure hate.

"You will never have children, do you hear me Claire? I will see to it. You betrayed me and maybe now you will know just how wrong that was for you to do." He slammed himself back into her, deeper than before and so much rougher than he ever had. Grabbing her hair and pulling her head back before he moved again so that she had to look him in the eye he said, "Say goodbye to your future children bitch." Then he drove himself into her over and over as the tears spilled down her cheeks, stinging the cuts there. She felt as if she were being ripped apart inside and knew that he could very well be right and that she would never have children after this brutal rape. He continued to bite her and slap her, he even got in a punch to the ribs now and then and when he finally pulled out of her for the last time he stood with a satisfied look on his face. Her vision was blurred from a pain deep inside of her and from her swollen eyelids, but she could make out the sneer that he wore.

"You know on second thought, a divorce is a great idea. I don't want to be married to a woman who is unable to give me a son." With one final kick to the ribs Logan walked out of the house the way that he had come in leaving her naked, bruised and bleeding on the kitchen floor.

Claire struggled to sit up and reach for the phone that was right above her on the counter top. It hurt to breath and the effort only hurt her worse. Her finger tips touched the hand set and she worked to get a good enough grip on it that she could take it from its base. Once she had the phone in hand she dialed 9-1-1 and heard the operator say, as though she were down a long tunnel, "9-1-1, what is your emergency?"

"I need help. I was attacked," Claire whispered, unable to make her voice work. Her chest hurt and when she tried to get a good breath hot pain shot through her body. The lady on the other end of the phone was saying something to her, but she couldn't make it out. Who was this on the phone anyway she thought, she hadn't called anyone. That was her last thought before she totally blacked out.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapt. 5

Claire heard muffled voices around her and she struggled to make out what was being said. No matter how hard she strained her ears to listen the words wouldn't get any clearer for her. It was as though the voices were coming from the end of a long tunnel. She couldn't even separate the male voices from the female ones, but somehow she knew that both were present. If she could open her eyes, then she see who it was that was with her and talking. For that matter she could actually see where she was. Her eyes were working about as well as her ears though, providing her with only a clouded and hazy view. She screamed out in frustration, or thought that she did, but it turned out to be only a moan of pain.

She could sense that her moan had brought the talk to a stand still and suddenly she was the focus of all the attention. She felt someone take her hand, squeezing it desperately. She gave a small squeeze back and tried again to open her eyes with no success. The voices seemed to be closer to her now, not so far off, but she still couldn't completely make out the words. She heard her name and turned her head in the direction of the voice who spoke it. In an attempt to let them know that yes she did hear them she moved her lips, trying to make the words but her throat was too dry and nothing came out. Time after time she tried and finally managed a dry, hoarse whisper.

"I need water."

Within a few minutes a straw was put into her mouth and she sucked, drinking down the water in big, greedy gulps. When she felt that she could speak she let the straw fall away and tried again to form the words. "Where am I and why are my eyes not working for me?"

A sob came from her right side and she turned her head that way. A fuzzy silhouette came into view and instinctively she knew that it was her mom. Why was her mom sitting her holding her hand and sobbing?

"Mrs. Maxwell, your eyes are swollen, but in the next day or so that should be better for you. I'm Doctor Young, and you're in the hospital. You were attacked this afternoon. You placed a call to 9-1-1 and the paramedics found you."

Suddenly in a rush it all came flooding back to her. Logan had come, broken in, smashing the glass out of the back door. He had violently attacked her and raped her. His seething words came back to her, hitting her full force in the heart, breaking it all over again. She could feel the tears welling up behind her eyelids with no where to go and briefly wondered if she would drown in them.

"Claire I understand that you have been through a very traumatic experience but do you think you would be up to answering some questions for us?"

"Traumatic, doctor that was only a new level of the life I've been living for years. It's the reason I left. Ask your questions." Claire refused to let go of her mothers hand and squeezed it tighter.

"Alright then," Dr. Young cleared his throat and continued. "I assume by your statement that you know the person who attacked you and that this wasn't a random act of violence. Is that correct?" At the nod of Claire's head he went on. "That is something that you will have to go over with the police then, and they can handle that end of it. Now, can you remember anything that happened this afternoon, anything at all?"

Reaching for her water and taking another sip Claire said, "I unfortunately remember it all, every single blow and word. I heard something out back and I just assumed that it was an animal of some sort. I got up to go see and when I didn't see anything I turned to go back to the living room. That was when I heard the glass break and I turned to see Logan standing in the kitchen with me. He grabbed me by the hair and slapped me a few times. One thing led to another and after a fist here and there he raped me. I remember feeling like I was being torn apart. Then he kicked me in the ribs a few more times and left. I grabbed the phone to call someone and that was the last thing I remember."

Claire heard her mother sobbing heavily beside of her and she rubbed her thumb over the back of the older woman's hand comfortingly. "So, doctor, I told you what I remember; now it's your turn. How bad is it?"

The doctor stood at the foot of the bed, and picked up her chart before speaking. "Well Claire, it looks like your left wrist is broken, which we will need to cast now that you're awake. It's not to serious, a minor break really. You won't have to wear the cast more than four weeks. You have three broken ribs; one nearly punctured your lung. A centimeter more and it would have. As it stands now your right lung is bruised pretty badly but it won't be any issue in your healing. You had a nasty cut on your cheek, which is the main cause of the swelling in your left eye area. Your nose is cracked but it should heal nicely. You have several bite marks across your chest that we've medicated and bandaged as well."

She heard him slide the chart back into the foot of the bed and she wished that she could sit up straighter in the bed. "What about the rape? Did he cause any damage with the rape? He said that he would make sure I never had kids, please tell me."

"Mrs. Maxwell, I'm Reagan Brunell, a gynecologist specializing in the care of rape victims. I wasn't able to thoroughly examine you before but now that you're awake it should be easier. Why don't you let them get that wrist fixed up for you and then you and I can talk."

Nodding Claire felt people on each side of her, helping her to sit straighter in the bed. Had she said out loud that she want to sit up? She didn't think so, so it must have been necessary to get her arms fixed. Dr. Young talked her through each and every step of the casting process so that she would be at ease as much as possible. When he was finished he told her that he would be in later to check on her and that in the meantime if she needed anything for pain to press the button that was next to her right side. Claire felt her mother put something in her hand and mumble that this was the button for her morphine drip if she needed it at all.

When Dr. Young left the room Dr. Brunell stepped to the side of the bed. "Claire, can I call you Claire?" At the nod of approval Dr. Brunell continued. "I'm going to do a typical exam on you; however, I will be using a special scope that will be able to photograph any damage that might be done. That will help in the prosecution should it come to that, is that okay with you?" Again Claire nodded yes and then was asked, "Do you want your mother to stay in the room while we do this, or would you like her to step out?"

"Stay mom, please," Claire said. She wanted her mom there to hold her hand and tell her it was all going to be alright, and she knew that her mom would be worried sick if she had to leave her side.

Twenty minutes later the exam was over and Dr. Brunell took a seat at the side of the bed. "Well Claire would you like to know what I found."

"Of course," Claire said weakly.

"It looks as if there was some damage done to the cervix that could cause issues with carrying a child full term. I know that sounds horrible but there is a bit of good news in this. The damage can be repaired through and outpatient surgical procedure. It's a simple fix. That is the worst of the damage that I found, the only thing that will require repair."

"It can be fixed though, right?" It was the first words that Claire could remember hearing her mother speak.

"Yes, Mrs. Ryan, it definitely can be repaired."

After a bit more talk about options for her Claire fell asleep. She slept deeply and dreamlessly probably thanks to the pain medications that were coursing through her veins. What ever brought on the sleep, she really didn't care, she was only thankful for the sleep.

Three days later she could get up and move around on her own and was discharged from the hospital. She took with her four different prescriptions, each for something different, but she also took with her the knowledge that she was the only one who could dictate how her life to this point would affect her. In the hospital parking lot waiting for her mother to pull around to get her she made decisions in her mind about her future. She knew that she would never trust another man again. Without trust there would be no relationship of any kind either. She made up her mind that she wanted to move out of Louisiana, to start a new life, doing things her way. As soon as she was healed and the divorce and name change was final she would pack her meager belongings and go. Where, she wasn't quite sure yet, but there was time to decide all of those details.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Two weeks later Claire got the call that the name change had gone through and that they were simply waiting on the divorce to be finalized. After the beating that she had suffered, Victoria had changed the divorce papers to include a financial settlement. Claire hadn't cared about money, she just wanted to be free of him and the marriage but Victoria had said that she deserved something after all the years of hell she had been through. When the lawyer found out that Claire wasn't pressing charges after this last attack she said that a financial settlement was the least that Logan could do. Claire had finally said okay, but hadn't asked for any details on it at all, simply saying to notify her when the divorce was final.

It was a small victory to her just to be known as Claire Ryan again. That fact alone made her feel like she was moving in the right direction. When she moved to start her new life she would be starting fresh and totally new. Well maybe not completely new, but at least she was getting back to her and to who she used to be. Claire Ryan wasn't the victim that Claire Maxwell had been. She would be the one to speak out though, telling her story so that others could maybe find a ray of hope in her survival. That was a decision that she had come to over the past two weeks while sitting in her bed in her childhood home recovering.

In the last two weeks she had also been thinking about where she would be moving too when all of this was over. She couldn't decide in her waking hours but her dreams found her walking on sandy beaches, listening to the waves crashing in. She had decided that tonight at dinner she would tell her mom about her decision to move away. Claire knew that her mother wouldn't be thrilled about the idea of her moving away, but in the end she would support Claire in whatever she decided to do.

That night Claire set the table for dinner and helped her mom finish up cooking the vegetables to go with the chicken. When they sat down and offered up their prayers in thanks for the food Claire cleared her throat.

"Mom, I've been doing a lot of thinking since I woke up in the hospital that day. I love you, and I appreciate all that you have done for me these past two months or so. I can't tell you how wonderful it was to know that I had a place to run too. I don't want to give the impression that I don't appreciate everything."

"Why Claire, you never have given that impression at all. Why would you think that you had?"

Taking a deep breath Claire said, "Well I guess really so far I haven't, but I do have something to tell you and when I do I just don't want it to seem that way."

Darcy put her fork down and took Claire's hand in hers. "Darling what is it?"

"Mom, I've been thinking a lot and I've decided that when the divorce is final and everything is settled, well, I'm moving. Where exactly I don't know yet and I guess I was really hoping that you could help with that part of it. When I'm awake I can't think of anywhere I would like to live. It's been so long since I was able to make a decision on my own. At night I dream and all I see is me on a beach with the waves crashing in, so I'm thinking I want to move to the beach."

Her mother sat silent a minute and then said, "What ever you choose to do you know that you have my support one hundred percent. I won't lie and say that I won't miss you if you move far away, but at the same time I understand that need. Tell me, what do you plan to do once you move?"

"Well, I want to do all the things that I wasn't allowed to do with Logan. First things first I'm going to school. I want to get a degree in marketing, and do something with myself. I want to be an advocate too. For women like me, women who see no way out of where they are, I want to let them know that they can win."

"That sounds like quite the plan, and if anyone can do it and make a success out of it, well then it's you. The beach huh," her mom asked. When Claire nodded Darcy smiled. "Your father always loved the beach. He said it was the closest thing to heaven on earth that you could find. He always loved when we would go to Clearwater Beach. He said it wasn't anything fancy and it didn't really stand out like some beaches did, but then again neither was he. That was our last vacation together."

In that instant Claire knew where she would go. If her father loved it so much then it was almost guaranteed that she would too. It would be as if he were there with her, giving her the strength that she would need. After dinner she made her way to her room and with her laptop in her lap she began searching for her first home of her own.

Three weeks later her cast had been removed, the bruises had all healed, and the call came to tell Claire that the divorce would be final on May twenty-ninth. She could expect to receive a settlement that would consist of one large payment in the amount of one million dollars followed by monthly payments of five thousand dollars for the next five years, or until she remarried, whichever came first. It was bittersweet really. She hadn't wanted the money but now she planned to use it to do the very things that she hadn't been allowed to do while being married to Logan. He would pay for her to have a home and to go to school, things that had been strictly forbidden in his house. He would also be paying for her to help women who were abused.

A week before the divorce was final Claire had narrowed down her house search to five potential homes. She made arrangements to go to Florida to look at all the houses and make her final decision. Her mom would be going with her for moral support, and to give her thoughts on the homes. The night before they left Claire found her mom sitting in the den looking at an old photo album. She walked into the room quietly and sat beside her mom looking at the photos.

"This was our last trip to the beach. Your father was so happy that he was able to go."

"I was thinking mom. Why don't we get a place and stay this week. You don't have to work, and it would be a great break after all that we have gone through since the beginning of February."

Smiling Darcy close the book and put it back in its place on the shelf. "I think that is a wonderful idea. I better go pack some more clothes then." Claire smiled as she followed her mom down the hall, turning off into her room to finish her own packing.

They arrived in Tampa the next day at noon. It was beautiful weather and Claire already loved it. This was home, that was for sure. They met up with the realtor who would be showing them the houses and after signing a few papers they all climbed in the realtors SUV and headed to the first home. It was a two block walk to the beach from the houses back porch, and all in all it was a nice house. Claire noted one or two things that she would like to change about the home and discussed with her mother different decorating ideas. After half an hour they left the first house and headed to the next.

The second house was nice, but she really didn't like it much at all and within ten minutes she was asking to go ahead to the third choice. The third location was on the bay and had a beautiful view of the skyline. It was very modern with hard wood floors and stylishly painted walls. It was large, with five bedrooms and three baths and a fully completed basement. In the end Claire told the realtor that this place just didn't feel like her.

"That's fine Mrs. Ryan, would you like to head on over to the fourth home? I will tell you though that it is very similar to this one in that it is highly modern. I really think that you will like the fifth home much better."

Claire looked to her mother and then glanced at her watch. It was going on two o'clock and she was getting hungry. Besides, if the next home was similar to this one then she wouldn't be interested. "Let's just go on the last house then."

With a pleasant smile the realtor led them out of the house and back to the car. Twenty minutes later they pulled up into the drive way of a house that looked larger than Claire would have liked. It was sitting on the beach however which for Claire was a major positive. Inside the house was warm and inviting, even though it was empty of any furnishings. Immediately Claire loved it. She caught her mother's eye and gave her a small smile and a slight nod of her head. Her mother smiled in return and Claire knew without taking the full tour that this was the house she would buy.

The den was large and open, with two bay windows looking out over the side yard. Claire could just imagine curling up in one of the windows with a book. The living area had a fireplace against the far wall and was very open and would be a wonderful place to just kick back and relax. The kitchen was roomy and had modern appliances that somehow didn't take away the charm of the home. The dining room area was open and had floor to ceiling windows on one wall letting the natural light flow in. Claire would only change the wall color, from its creamy ivory shade to a pale and buttery yellow. There was a half bath in the hallway that led to a staircase and to a large, open sunroom. This room took Claire's breath away, with its view and with the way that the sun poured itself in, reflecting off of the hard wood floors. Floor to ceiling windows made up three of the walls in the room and the view of the sand dunes and a distant horizon were enough to take a person's breath away. Its double French doors opened to a beautifully stoned patio that would be perfect for a morning cup of coffee when it was nice out.

"This house is beautiful. I haven't even seen the second level and I'm in love."

Darcy smiled. "This is a wonderful place Claire. The things that you could do with it are limitless. I can see you here."

"Me too mom," Claire whispered as they followed the realtor up the stairs to the second floor.

"Up here you will find five rooms, but one is designed to be a study and really isn't big enough to be much more. One is your laundry room and then you will have three actual bedrooms. Right here above the stairs is what we refer to as a book nook, and would be perfect for setting up a book shelf and just relaxing with a good read."

Claire looked around and took in the book nook with a smile. It was truly perfect. The laundry room looked empty but would be perfect when she got her washer and dryer in and hooked up. The study room was definitely small, but would be just right for a desk and a nice chair. She would have to get a computer and all as well but that would be easy enough. The grayish blue color of the walls was actually very pretty and the window on the far wall looked out over the ocean. This room would be wonderful for school studies.

The first two bedrooms were spacious with soft and muted colored walls. The first room had a pale lilac color on the walls and Claire caught her mother's eye. She knew that this room would be set up for her mom whenever she wanted to visit. The second guest room was a sand colored heaven and decorating ideas flowed through Claire's mind. She couldn't imagine the master bedroom being any more wonderful than these and wasn't prepared for the sight that awaited her when they entered.

The first thing that a person noticed was the incredible views of the ocean and beach out of the far wall. Again there was the floor to ceiling windows and double French doors that led to a balcony patio. The walls in the room were a dove grey and there was a massive walk in closet to the left. Through the closet was a hidden room of sorts that could be used for really anything. Claire was already planning the things that she would use it for. The master bath was large and airy with windows lining two of the walls. There was a large garden tub and a massive shower stall with a waterfall style shower head. The floors and walls looked to be Italian marble, done in shades of brown and tan. As far as Claire was concerned she was sold on this house. It was absolutely perfect.

Thirty minutes later they were back in the realtor's office and Claire was signing the paperwork for the last home that they had looked at. The realtor had asked her three times if she was certain about this house and Claire assured her that yes she was. Since the house had never been lived in the closing time was going to be shorter than the standard month, but only by a week. Claire was told that she could start having any painting that she wanted done and moving things in immediately however.

As she and her mom left the office and headed to grab a salad they were quiet. When they got o the restaurant and were seated her mom took her hand. "Claire I am so proud of you. I can't wait to see how you fix it up and make it yours. You know, since we are here for a week we could go shopping for your furniture and everything like that. I would love helping you with it, if you wouldn't mind."

"Of course I wouldn't mind! I was actually thinking the same thing! I'm going to find a painter tonight to have the dining area done in a soft buttery yellow shade. With the way the sun shines in I think it would be beautiful. Then tomorrow we can go furniture shopping! I've always wanted a black and white bedroom, and the walls in the master are perfect for that. I'm so excited mom."

"I'm excited for you too dear. I will miss you something terrible but you can bet that I will visit you as often as you will let me."

"You're always welcome mom, always."

Darcy smiled at her daughter across the table and said, "Maybe you can meet someone down here that will love you and treat you like you deserve to be treated."

"Oh no mom, I'm done with men and relationships. I don't want to find anyone. It's too much trouble and you never really know someone until it's too late. I'll be fine alone." Claire noticed her mom's face and the slight shake of her head as she took a drink of her sweet tea and knew that she was disappointed that Claire wasn't interested in love again. Claire only hoped that her mother would understand why she was jaded and didn't want a man in her life again.

The two finished their meal and then headed to the hotel where Claire searched for a painter and made calls. The week passed quickly and by the time they headed back to Louisiana the house on the beach was ready to move into and Claire had a job at a local coffee shop and bookstore that she would start a week after she got back. She had also gotten registered for school and would be starting there online when ever she was ready to log in. Her life was finally falling into place and for once she was looking forward to what the future held.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

About two and a half months later… The end of July, Tampa, Florida.

"Claire when you finish that customer why don't you go ahead and take your break?"

Claire turned briefly to look at her manager and then back to the customer in front of her. "Sure thing Sadie, are you sure there's nothing else I need to do before I take my break?"

"Positive," Sadie James said cheerfully before walking away.

"Here you go sir, four dollars and sixty two cents is your change. Have a great day and we'll see you tomorrow." After the regular walked away Claire turned and took off her khaki colored apron and sat it on the counter in the back room. She fixed herself a caramel flavored cappuccino and grabbed a banana nut muffin and her book bag before heading to a corner table in the café. She had started taking two on campus classes in addition to her online courses and was two months ahead of where she should have been. The teachers were all impressed with her desire to learn and at the way that she did it so quickly. If only they knew how many years she'd dreamed of going to school, maybe they would understand her love of learning.

Ten minutes into her break she heard a voice above her asking "Is this seat taken?"

Only slightly irritated at the interruption in her studying she glanced up to see that the café was full and her table had the only available seat to be found. "No, go on and have a seat." Claire smiled warmly and then went back to her book.

"What are you studying?"

"Um this is just my pre-requisites for my marketing degree. Nothing major yet, but I'm getting there."

"I have a degree in marketing. I don't use it now but I have it to fall back on if I need it I guess. You work here right?"

Why was this guy talking to her? Why was she talking back to encourage the conversation, that was the better question. He seemed nice enough, but then again so had Logan. Her mother said that she had to stop assuming every guy was a monster in waiting, but she didn't do that. She merely chose to keep her distance from them.

"Yeah, I do part time. I'm usually just here on Monday, Wednesday, Friday, and Saturday since I have classes on Tuesdays and Thursdays."

"I thought I'd seen you around a time or two." Wiping his hand on a napkin he extended it across the table to her. "I'm sorry, I'm Matt, and you are…"

She smiled against her will as she shook his hand. "Claire, I'm Claire," she said.

"Nice to meet you Claire," he said with a radiant smile.

Glancing at her watch she gathered her books and stood. "It was nice to meet you too, but work is calling."

With a wave she walked back behind the counter and sighed. He was a nice guy but what did she know about him really. Nothing that was what, a big fat nothing and she didn't like not knowing when it came to people. Lost in her thoughts she was startled when Sadie came up behind her.

"Matt's a great guy huh? He's been a regular here for at least a year. Always so polite and charming, and he has the girls falling all over him but he doesn't seem to notice it."

"He was really nice, but I'm not interested at all," Claire said as she turned back to the counter to start wiping it down.

For the next three weeks Matt happened to come in right about the time that Sadie would send Claire on her lunch break and they got in the habit of sharing a table and chatting. Every so often he would help Claire out with some of her school work, but they mainly just talked. He told her about his family and she talked about her dad, something that she hadn't talked about with anyone since he had passed away. She didn't share anything about her life before Florida or her marriage other than the fact that she was divorced with no children. He told her that he had never been married but that he had recently broken off his last relationship just a few months ago.

"So Claire I've been thinking a lot, and it seems like you've not taken the time to really get to know anyone since you've moved here."

Matt was walking with her down the sidewalk outside of the café after she had gotten off of work. It was a sunny and hot Friday afternoon, with a small breeze coming in from the ocean three blocks over. Claire had walked to work that morning, as she did most mornings, and now that she was off she felt no rush to hurry home. "No I haven't really. I'm good by myself I guess."

"Come on, we all need someone to talk to every now and then. Do you ever get lonely or just wish you had someone to talk about your day with?"

"I have you to talk to Matt."

"You know what I mean."

They had found their way to the beach and took a seat on the sand, watching kids playing, and the parents chasing after run away sand pails or shovels. Claire felt her heart tug at a far away memory watching the happy families on the beach and she pushed it away before it could show in her eyes. She ran her fingers through the sand scribbling odd pictures in the white canvas.

"Why don't you come with me to see a movie? We could grab dinner before and just relax." Matt watched her intently waiting on her answer. He thought that she was more complex than she seemed on the surface, of course so was he. He really hoped she would say yes to his invitation, but he had a nagging feeling that whatever he didn't know about her would make her say no.

Shielding her eyes against the afternoon sun she turned in his direction. "Matt, I can't, I'm sorry. I just don't think it would be a good idea at all. I think you are a wonderful guy and I love talking to you, but I'm not ready for a date yet. I wouldn't want to lead you on or anything."

He laughed softly, staring at her freckled face. "Maybe we should talk more about us first, so that I'm not leading you on either. Claire, I see you as being a terrific friend, one who I go to dinner and movies with, play pool and drink a good beer with even, but I don't see you as anything more than that."

Claire wasn't sure why but she was oddly offended and hurt. Logan's words haunted her mind, "I told you that no one would want you Claire, I was right, as always." Pushing his voice out of her mind she stared at Matt.

"Wait, if you're not interested in me at all then why would you ask me to go out with you in the first place?"

"Claire," he said taking her hand in his, "I see you and I having a wonderful friendship but you are just not my type. Even if you were I don't think that I'm ready to date again yet. Since my boyfriend and I broke up I just haven't thought about any one else in that way."

"So you still haven't answered me about why you asked me out then… Wait, your boyfriend? So you're telling me that…"

"Yes, Claire, I'm gay. I don't tell many people at all, in fact only three or four really know. It's not that I'm ashamed or anything but in my line of work it just isn't something that you want out there."

Claire didn't know what to say to that. It was all new territory for her, knowing someone who was gay. It wasn't that she was sheltered, just that while she had been married to Logan she hadn't been allowed friends or the luxury to go out anywhere and meet people. "Wow, I really don't know what to say. I would have never known at all." Suddenly she had the urge to tell him all about Logan and her past. If he could be so open with her then surely she could return that favor to him. "Matt, why don't you come to my place and I'll cook dinner and we can find a movie on the TV to watch, and then we can talk some more. You'd be the first person I'd have over, so we could have that cold beer too."

Smiling he stood and brushed the sand off of his camouflaged cargo shorts before reaching his hand out to help her up. "Sounds great, what time should I be there?"

"Why don't you come on over now, seeing as how we are almost there anyway," Claire said. "I just live right up the beach. Seven houses down that way," she said pointing down the shore line.

"Then lets go," he said smiling as he reached out and took her hand in his casually. She let him hold her hand as they walked, not feeling anxious about it at all. She knew in her gut that he would end up being her best friend and that was a thought that she could live with.

Ten minutes later she was unlocking her back door and letting them into the kitchen of her home. "Do you want some tea right now, or a soda, I have both."

"Tea sounds great thanks," Matt said taking in the sunny room. "This place is beautiful. It's like you found a wonderfully happy medium between elegance and comfort with it. It's almost that shabby chic style but it's more somehow."

"Thank you, I think," Claire said laughing.

Taking the glass of tea from her Matt smiled. "I didn't mean it as a bad thing, so you're welcome. I really like it; it's so open and light. It's happy."

"It is that, more than you know. I can throw a pizza in the oven, or burgers and hot dogs on the grill, what do you think?"

"It's up to you, I'm a guy so I eat anything," Matt said with a chuckle.

"Let me go fire up the grill then. I will make you my famous mozzarella ranch burgers. I promise you that you won't be disappointed."

He followed her out onto the back patio and took a seat as she got the grill on and heating. "How do you ever go in from out here? It's a beautiful view and so peaceful."

Claire smiled at him and took a seat beside him. "I spend a lot of time out here. Well, here or on my balcony. It is definitely peaceful, and it makes your morning coffee taste even better. Come on back in the kitchen for now while I mix up the burgers and get them ready to cook. We'll come back out, maybe even picnic on the beach."

Back in the kitchen Claire mixed dry ranch packets into the hamburger meat and then added in handfuls of shredded mozzarella cheese, mixing it in as well. Washing her hands and drying them on a towel she invited Matt on a tour of her home. He was her first guest and she realized as she was showing him the place that she had been kind of lonely, wanting someone to talk to, to know what it was to have a friend. She was also certain by the time they returned to the kitchen that she had found a friend in Matt that would always be there by her side.

After the burgers were on the grill Claire ran back inside and grabbed a blanket and two bottles of water and two beers. Once the burgers were grilled to perfection she took them, while Matt took the blankets and drinks, and they headed to the beach, just a few yards away from her patio. Spreading out the blanket and sitting down the two took their first bites in silence. Claire looked at her friend to see what he thought of the burger.

"This is amazing. It has to be the most delicious thing that I have ever put into my mouth. You're a wonderful cook, well at least when it comes to burgers," he laughed.

"Thank you," Claire said as her cell phone rang. Looking at the screen and seeing her mother's number she held a finger up to Matt and said, "It's my mom, hang on one second." He nodded as she answered the phone.

"Hello honey, how are you?"

"I'm fine mom, just having a picnic on the beach with a new friend."

"Oh I'm sorry I won't keep you then, but I wanted to tell you so that you know, Logan was calling around looking for you. I refused to give him your new number and it didn't make him too happy, but I didn't care."

With a deep sigh Claire said, "Okay then, thank you for telling me. I will call you later tonight, or tomorrow morning when I get up."

"Alright Claire, and this new friend, is it a man? Is he nice?"

"Yes mom it is and yes he is, very nice. Don't go getting your hopes up though mom. I'm not interested in a relationship."

"I know that dear," her mother sounded disappointed. "I just hope that you don't forget how to love. Then Logan will have truly won. At least your out and making friends, that's important. I love you; now go enjoy your meal."

Matt noticed how the shadows crept into Claire's eyes during her conversation with her mom and he couldn't help but wonder about it. When she hung up he asked, "Is everything alright?"

"Yeah, mom just wanted to let me know about a call she had gotten earlier. It's nothing really."

"Okay then," he said. "So tell me Claire how long was you married?"

This was a topic that she knew would eventually come up with someone, someday, but it was still not a talk that she looked forward to having. She reminded herself that only an hour or so before she had wanted to talk with him about this very thing. "Logan and I were together for twelve years and married nine of those. We were high school sweethearts."

"So, what happened? What made high school sweethearts go sour?" He watched her face and saw shadows creeping in and thought that maybe he shouldn't have asked. "You know what, forget I asked about that. It's not my business at all, and you don't have to talk about it."

Shaking her head Claire looked out over the sand and sea and then back at Matt. What was that saying; all the good ones were either taken or gay? She had a feeling that Matt was a good one, and he was definitely handsome. He would be a great catch for someone one day. "Actually I want to. My mom's the only one who knows the story, well aside from my lawyer, and it's time I learn to trust people again."

"As long as you know that you never have to tell me anything that you don't want to."

"It's okay; really I want to tell you. Of course it might be too much for you seeing as how we haven't been friends very long. I just want you to know. That way you can understand me, who I am, why I'm here."

Matt reached over and touched her hand, a gesture that actually touched her heart. "I just told you that I'm gay, and you're worried that you might lay too much on me? I'm listening."

With a deep breath Claire looked to the horizon as she began to talk. "Logan and I met in high school. I guess it was your typical romance. He was starting quarterback and I was a cheerleader. When he graduated he was accepted to LSU and I still had a year of school left, but we stayed together the entire time. We married not long after I was out of school and I never went to college. Within months of getting married he was signed to a multi year contract with the New Orleans Saints and I guess college just got lost in the deal for me. Not long into the first year that he was pro our relationship started to change. He would criticize what I wore or things that I cooked, or said. Just little things, putting me down, making me feel not good enough."

Matt was silent, waiting for her to go on. "After a year or so he started to abuse me physically and it just got worse from there. It seemed like every beating was worse than the one before it and it was always my fault somehow. I lost contact with all my friends; I guess that was his way of making sure that I had no one to tell me that I needed to get out. It went on up until I left him the week of the Super Bowl. It was the first time I had attempted to leave and it was the last time. I never went back, never had the urge to go back to that."

"Wow, Claire I'm so sorry that you went through that. I see now why you are so strong though. What was that final straw that made you say you had to go?"

With a deep breath Claire lay back on the blanket and said, "I was pregnant. Then I messed up breakfast. This is my lasting reminder of why I will never go back." Claire lifted her shirt and exposed her flat stomach, tan and smooth except for the slightly raised scar that wasn't quite as tanned as the rest of her was.

Without thinking Matt reached out to touch the scar. "He burned you? What kind of person does this to someone? Claire, I can't tell you how sorry I am. I'm so glad you left that. No one deserves the hell you went through. I can imagine he didn't take the divorce well."

"No he didn't at all. I had moved in with my mother then and one day two months after he was told I was leaving him he showed up and smashed in the back door of her house. I ended up in the hospital with a bruised lung, some bruised ribs, broken wrist, broken nose, and who knows what all else. He raped me, and in three more months I find out if I healed right on my own or if I'll need surgery to ever have kids. That sparked my lawyer to add a financial settlement to the divorce. I ended up with a million dollar settlement, and I get five grand deposited to my bank account monthly for the next five years, or until I remarry."

Matt let out a low whistle and lay back beside her. "Why work when you have that much in the bank? I think that guy needs to pay your way for awhile."

"I never wanted his money to begin with. All I wanted was to be divorced and to have my maiden name back again. I got that. I'll save the money for a rainy day, or to do something productive, helpful. I have my dreams, just putting them into action has me totally lost."

"What is it that you want to do?"

Looking out at the ocean Claire saw that the sun had started to set, melting into the horizon in pinks, purples, and oranges. "If we talk about it all now there won't be anything left to talk about. Do you want a ride back to the café?"

"I can walk, it's no problem. Thank you for inviting me over and for talking to me. You didn't have to do it. So, about that movie…"

"We will definitely have to see a movie sometime. And thank you for talking to me, well for confiding in me about you."

Matt helped her get the bottles and plates and the blanket back into her house and turned to go. "Matt, thank you. Thank you for being the first friend that I've had in nine years. I appreciate it."

"It's nothing really. I will see you soon Claire." With that he turned and left into the night.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

The next few weeks Claire and Matt spent a lot of time together. He would visit her on her lunch breaks at work, walk her home at night, and they shared movies and dinner more often than not. They had gotten closer than she had ever thought she would be with anyone. It didn't occur to her that people might take their relationship the wrong way and assume that there was more there until she went into work one Wednesday morning in early September.

"Morning Claire," Sadie greeted her. "How are you this morning?"

Yawning Claire smiled. "Tired I guess. I was up late studying for my finals for this quarter. It's kicking my butt, but Matt's been a huge help."

Sadie smirked at Claire's mention of Matt. "So, what's going on with you two anyway? Everyone's jealous that you were able to snag him, when they have all been trying so long with no success at all."

Claire was silent a minute and then she shook her head with a small laugh. "It's not that way with us at all Sadie. I told you that I'm not looking for a relationship with anyone right now, and I meant it. Besides I'm not his type."

"Then he should change his type. So it's really just friends with you two huh?"

"Yes, that's it with us. He actually has a degree in marketing so he helps me a lot with school. Plus he's great to talk to and he's funny. I love hanging out with him. It's a nice change from the last guy I hung out with."

"Anything is better than that jerk," Sadie said. She was one of three people who knew of her past, even if it was only because Claire had felt the need to explain the restraining order against her ex-husband. "So I was wondering, if your not doing anything Friday night if you wanted to go out with me and my friends. We're just grabbing dinner and drinks. Nothing big really just out and about girl time I guess."

"I would but Matt has already asked me to go to the fair downtown with him. Next time though I'm all in," Claire said. Then seeing Sadie's face and knowing that it had sounded as though she had a date she said, "It's not a date, at all. I'm merely going out with a good friend, nothing more." Sadie just smiled before she walked away to get ready for the work day.

That afternoon Matt came over for a picnic dinner on the beach, something that was fast becoming a weekly thing for them, and Claire smiled at him in the light of the setting sun. "You know people think that we are dating right?"

He laughed in that way he had about him and she giggled too. "I have heard the mumblings about you and I. Of course you have to remember that only about three people here know about the fact that I'm gay, so people will assume if I'm spending time with a beautiful, charming lady that we are a couple. Does it bother you?"

"Not at all, I know the truth so it's okay. So can I ask you something?"

"You just did, didn't you?" She threw a seashell at him and he laughed again. "Okay! Okay, ask me whatever is on your mind."

"I've never known anyone who was gay before. I've not been exposed to a lot I guess. Why not just tell people that you prefer men though? I mean why hide who you are?"

Matt was silent for a long time. "I guess because sometimes you just know when it's best to be you, and not flaunt who you are. Does that make sense at all? It's like yes, I am gay, but I can be gay without everyone knowing that I am. I don't have to tell the world when the majority of the world doesn't get it, they think it's a choice and it's not at all. I mean, who would choose to be bashed and hated, just because of who you love. Who would willingly lead a life that could possibly get then killed?"

"Killed? People really get killed for being gay still huh? People are so hateful in this world, and it's so damn sad. So, you don't think it's a choice, you think that you were born to be gay?"

"No I was born to be me. It just so happens that I am gay, but it is who I am. I was made this way, so yeah, I guess in a way I was born this way. There's been plenty of research done on people who lead this life that actually shows there is a gene inside our minds that make us who we are." He shook his head and said, "It sounds like I'm talking about a vampire or something. The bottom line is that I'm not ashamed of who I am, but I'm also well aware that who I am isn't someone that everyone can accept."

"I understand how it is not being able to tell what your life is really like I guess."

Matt wrapped his arms around Claire and held her. "Do you think you will ever date again Claire? Do you know now that all men aren't like your ex husband?"

"I guess that's something I've always known and now at this point I don't really think that it's fear of finding someone like him but it's more the words that he said to me that won't let me out of their grasp. I guess there could be a small part of me that has that nagging fear that you don't really know someone until it's too late."

Resting his chin on my head he said, "Claire you deserve to be happy and to have someone love you. All guys aren't so bad and you just have to believe that you are worthy of a good guy, and that there are good guys out there still."

"You're a good guy and you love me, so I have all that you want me to have."

Laughing Matt said, "Oh no ma'am, you know good and well that wasn't what I meant. Seriously Claire, if you were to date someone, what would your ideal guy be like?"

Claire was quiet and thoughtful for a minute before answering him. "I've not given it a lot of thought really. I guess in all honesty he would be a lot like you. Kind, caring, and humble, with a big heart and an easy smile, someone who could make me feel at ease with him would be a must. He would have to be funny and yet serious, and he would have to understand where I've been and respect it."

"Okay, what would make you not date someone then?"

Again, Claire thought a minute before voicing her response. "I wouldn't be able to date someone who had a temper. That would be a major no-no for me. I don't think I could see me dating some big muscled up guy either. It would be far too intimidating for me. Obviously no more football players and I think he ruined me for all sports. I can't even watch anymore."

Matt was quiet for a minute before he said, "Well it's late; you better get in since you have your first round of finals in the morning. Come on, I'll help you get things in before I go."

Half an hour later Matt was backing out of her drive way and his mind was spinning. He hated feeling like he was lying to Claire, misleading her in anyway, and he knew that one day she was sure to find out what he did for a living. He was afraid that when she did find out what he did that she would run from him. He hated the thought of it all because she had quickly become one of the closest and best friends that he had ever had, and he never wanted to lose that with her. How could he just tell her that he was a professional wrestler after all that she'd been through in her life? He had a feeling that the sport would not only set her on edge, but that she would be afraid, and run. Slamming his hand into the steering wheel he bit off a curse. What the hell was he doing lying to her and putting them both in what would end up an incredibly awkward position?


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

Friday afternoon at four thirty Matt picked Claire up for the fair. "I should have brought flowers huh?" He smiled as he opened the passenger side door for her.

"Yes, you should have. What kind of cheap date are you," Claire said laughing.

"How about I win you the big stuffed animal then? Would that make up for it?"

Claire acted as though she were thinking it over before saying, "I guess so, yes."

Laughing together they drove to the fair, parking in the lot and then hand in hand heading to the gate. Matt bought a ton of tickets, making Claire wonder how many times he planned to ride each ride there. He neatly folded the line of tickets and slid them into his pocket before taking her hand back in his. Claire loved the feeling of being close to someone with no pressure, no worries about anything at all

After riding every ride twice he led her over to a ball toss game. He turned to her and smiled. "So my lovely lady, which one would you like to take home tonight?"

Claire giggled and pointed up to a big pink frog. Matt was determined to win it for her and that determination was written all over his face. As he tossed the last ball and it landed smoothly in the old antique milk can he turned to her with a triumphant smile. The carnie working the game took the huge frog down off the hook and handed to her. She beamed at Matt over the gigantic head of the stuffed animal.

"No one's ever won me anything before. Thank you." She leaned over and kissed his cheek before taking his hand to head toward the exit.

"Matt, hey man, how are you?"

Claire and Matt stopped at the sound of the lilting accent speaking. Matt shook hands with a monster of a man, the very example of everything Claire didn't want in her life. She looked slowly up to see a huge chest and tree trunk arms, wide shoulders and bright red hair. Her five feet three inch frame was dwarfed in the giant mans presence. Even had she not heard him speak it was abundantly obvious that he was Irish, a Ginger at its best, with his red hair and freckled face and arms.

"Claire this is Stephen, Stephen meet Claire. She moved here a few months back from Louisiana. She is a marketing student at the local college in Tampa."

Stephen took her hand in his and smiled a greeting. "Hello Claire, how are you tonight"

"Fine thanks," she said, her voice sounding aloof and hard even to herself. She didn't mean to come off as rude, and hoped that she didn't, but she wanted to keep her distance from this man. He seems nice enough but he was everything Claire didn't want in her life.

She stood silent as Matt and Stephen talked for a minute and then waved when they started to part ways. "You were really quiet back there, everything okay?"

"It's fine, and I'm sorry. I didn't mean to seem rude at all, it's just he took me off guard. He was massive, even if he seemed nice enough he isn't a person I would want in my life."

Matt smiled softly at her. "He wouldn't hurt a fly," he said, trying not to think about the career that he and Stephen shared. "He just a big old Irishmen who has a heart of gold, but I understand where you're coming from."

They made the ride back to her house in silence. Matt walked her in and they shared a glass of tea before he said goodnight and headed to his own house. He knew that Claire wouldn't even think about Stephen in any way, not if it included him being in her life even as a friend. He had a feeling that things would get interesting if he had read the light in Stephen's eyes right that night, and he only hoped that he could be there to see Claire through it all. She needed to open herself up to love again, even to a massive monster, as she had described him, like Stephen.

A loud shrieking woke Matt up the next morning and with his eyes still squeezed tightly closed he flung his arm out to silence the alarm clock. When the insistent shriek continued he grabbed the alarm and threw it across the room, thinking that surely when it connected with the wall it would stop yelling. The thud of the clock echoed in his room, yet the shriek continued.

"What in the living hell is the damn deal," he said wiping the sleep from his eyes. When he cracked one eye he saw his cell phone on the table, lit up with a loud yell. Grabbing it he snapped it open. "I hope this is damn important, whatever it is!"

"Morning sunshine," Stephen said. "I think it's rather important actually. Why don't you hop up grab some coffee and call me when you get to moving?"

"You called to wake me up at this hour, just to say call you back after I get coffee? You really are a sick monster. What's the deal man?"

"At this hour eh, you do realize that hour is going on ten, right? Get your coffee and call me back. This is going to take more than a few minutes son."

Climbing out of the bed and padding his way into the bathroom Matt washed his face before heading to the kitchen. His apartment wasn't huge, and it was nothing special at all. He liked it though. It was enough for him and that was the important thing. Putting on a pot of coffee he sat down at the small table that made up his dining room area. Fifteen minutes later he was eating a strawberry cream cheese bagel and drinking his second cup of coffee. He looked to his cell phone with a scowl, thinking that it didn't really matter what the hour was, he had been sleeping good and it had disrupted that sleep.

When Stephen answered the call on the third ring Matt said, "Alright I've had two cups of coffee and a bagel covered in strawberry cream cheese. What the hell was so damn important that you just couldn't wait until tonight to talk to me at the arena?"

Laughing Stephen said, "Are you always so fekking cranky in the morning? No wonder you haven't found a woman to put up with you. Or have you?"

"You called to talk about my love life? I'm hanging up now."

"No wait a minute, I was kidding you," Stephen said still chuckling. "I did however call you to talk about women. In particular the one you were with last night at the fair. What's going on between you two?"

It took Matt a full half a minute to register what his friend was asking him. He felt his stomach drop at the thought that Stephen was interested in Claire, not because he was a bad guy but because of the life Claire had lived to this point. Because he knew that the last thing Claire would want would be any type of relationship with Stephen. He would love to see her change her mind about the fiery Irishman, but he didn't know that she would ever be able to that.

"Matt, you there man? Are you two dating or what?"

Snapping himself back to the phone conversation Matt cleared his throat. "No, no we aren't dating at all. She isn't looking for anything like a relationship right now. She is like a sister to me though."

"She's not looking for a relationship eh? What if a relationship just happened to find her? She's beautiful, no denying that fact."

"Oh no you don't big guy. Not her, not now. She isn't your typical woman Stephen, and I can't explain it to you, just know that she isn't ready for anything, whether it finds her or not. Please this one time just trust me and don't try anything with her, okay?"

"You sure that you two aren't an item?"

"I'm positive, I just know her."

Five minutes later the two ended the call and Matt got ready to head to the gym before heading to the arena tonight. He thought about the call and he knew that Stephen could very well be just the man to show Claire that all guys were not like her ex-husband, if only she would give him the chance. The thing was she was dead set against any relationship, but especially anything with someone like Stephen. Hell he was worried about his friendship with her once she found out that he was a wrestler. Taking a deep breath as he walked into the gym he pushed it all out of his head and began his workout.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

Claire was pulling in extra hours at work while school was out for a two week break and she was able to make time to see the city and just relax on her off days as well. Matt met her three days a week for lunch and joined her for a picnic on the beach dinner every Wednesday, and she was glad to have his company. He was, aside from Sadie, the only real friend that she had. It was starting to get to her that there was no one in her life aside from two people and family. Why shouldn't she make friends? She would ask Matt and Sadie to introduce her around, but she would make it clear that she only wanted to meet friends, no blind dates or set ups. Nothing romantic at all was on her agenda.

The bell over the door to the café brought her out of her thoughts and she looked up to see the massive monster from the fair. She groaned inwardly as he headed to the counter. He hadn't yet made eye contact or noticed her which she was grateful for. When he did turn and his eyes landed on her, he smiled. She politely smiled back and greeted him as though she had never before met him.

"Hi there, what can I get for you today sir?"

"Well, hello there Miss, Claire was it?" He smiled down at her, noticing her blushing cheeks and said, "Why have I never noticed you in here working before?"

"Maybe you usually come in when I'm off or something. I'm sorry, I don't know if you have a usual order or not, so you're going to have to help me out here on what you'd like."

"All business at work I see and that's respectable. I'll take a coffee, large, and black, no sugar. Let me get a bagel as well, if you don't mind."

"Alright that will be four dollars and twenty eight cents." He paid with a five dollar bill and she counted his change back to him and then turned to fix his coffee and grab his bagel. She could feel his eyes on her back while she worked and it unnerved her. He was probably harmless she thought, and he was a friend of Matt's but he was a walking, talking, breathing example of everything in life that she didn't want near her. He was large and heavily muscled, far too muscular, and she would be willing to bet that he was interested in her.

She turned and her eyes met his and she quickly looked away before she could even tell what color they were. Being that he was so very Irish she was betting on green, much like her own. "Here you go sir, anything else for you today?"

"I think this will do it, of course unless you're willing to join me."

"Sorry, I've got to work; it's not lunch time yet. Have a nice day, and come back soon."

She saw him smirk as he turned and walked out of the door into the sunshine. She stood and watched the door as it shut slowly and he walked away. She could feel herself shaking just from being in his presence. He intimidated and scared her out of her shoes. She decided that the only people she really needed in her life were the ones who were already there.

Every day for the next week he came in while Claire was working and ordered the same thing. It got to where Claire would begin fixing his order when she saw him out on the sidewalk, just to minimize the time he would be in the shop. Each day he asked her to join him and each day she declined. The last Friday that she worked before returning to school Claire noticed that Stephen hadn't came in by the time she went on her lunch break. Maybe he had taken the hint that she wasn't interested. She took her seat by the window and smiled as Matt sat down across from her.

"So, are you ready to go back to school on Monday?"

Claire shrugged her dainty shoulders and Matt thought of a butterfly for some reason. "I guess so. I do kind of miss the classes and the text books as weird as that sounds."

"I bet it will be strange working a different schedule too. I mean before you worked Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and now you're going to be in here on Tuesday, Thursday, and Saturday. Definitely a change, even if it is the same amount of time on the clock."

Claire opened her mouth to answer just as the bell over the door tinkled, announcing a customer. She caught sight of the large arms and immediately knew who it was. She picked up her tea and drank slowly instead of answering. Maybe he hadn't gotten the hint after all.

Just as Matt noted the change to Claire's face he was stopped from asking why when he heard, "Well, well, what's a guy got to do to get as lucky as Matt here? I haven't been able to convince you to take a break all week."

Claire grimaced in to her cup and then looked up and put on her best fake smile. "Stephen is it? Why don't you have a seat here with Matt and chat? I should be getting back to work anyway."

Matt reached out and touched her hand in that sweet and reassuring way that he had. "Claire you just took your break, you've got another twenty minutes left easily. Sit and talk with us." At her shadowed eyes he dropped his voice so that only she could hear him. "I'm right here Claire and he isn't a bad guy. Just sit with us and talk. Please."

"Fine," she said, not nearly as quietly as Matt had spoke and she sat back against the chair, crossing her arms over her chest. "Stephen, have a seat, join us, please."

The big man smiled down at her as he sat between her and Matt. "You're a tough one you know that Miss Claire? Why do you act as though I'm the big bad wolf, just waiting to eat you?"

"Because, for all I know, you are."

Matt cleared his throat and began small talk trying his best to ease the mood at the table, or to at least take the focus off of Stephen's obvious crush on Claire. With ten minutes left in her break Claire excused herself to go back to work. When she had disappeared into the back Matt turned his attention to Stephen.

"What in the hell is going on?"

Stephen looked at him and thought about his answer for a minute. "You know I really don't have a clue. I walked in here at the beginning of last week and when I looked up and saw her at the counter I was blown away. I haven't had a lady under my skin this way in a long time, and I don't know that I'm sure I like it. She is a stand offish one too which only makes me want to know her more."

"So it's the whole you want what you can't have thing, is that it? Is that why you are flirting your blazing head off? You want what you can't get and IF you were to win her over that's it?"

"Whoa man, I didn't say that at all, you did. I was taken with her the night at the fair two weeks ago. I didn't know then that she was off limits. If I would have I might have walked on by instead of looking into her eyes. Had I have known you obviously had your sights set on her I wouldn't have bothered either. So what is it with her? Is she one of those who think all men are pigs or is she a lesbian?"

Matt shook his head and laughed a short almost bitter laugh. "No she isn't a lesbian. Is that what you think, that because you can't break her walls down buying coffee and bagels everyday that she must be into women since she's not into you? For the record she doesn't think that all men are pigs no. She thinks that all men are assholes who would rather have a punching bag than a partner. She has a strong distain for all men, but specifically ones who are big. Too much muscle, too much size in general is a big no-no for her in a man. You're screwed I guess cause you can't change all that about you." Grabbing his coffee cup Matt stood and walked out, leaving Stephen to think about everything that he had just said. He hoped that he hadn't said too much as he walked to his car and drove away.

Stephen sat in the chair at the table in the window looking out at the trees in the square across from the café. He was sure somewhere in everything that Matt had just tossed at him there was a story to be told. For the life of him he just couldn't figure it out though. She wouldn't give him the time of day because he was muscled and tall? That made no sense at all. And what was he had said, that she thought all men preferred a punching bad to a partner or something like that? So maybe she'd had a boyfriend who liked to hit the gym too much and it interfered in their relationship, but that was no reason to judge all men based on that one idiot.

He had drank all of his coffee and walked to the counter to order another to go, and when he saw her come from the back, arranging her hair just so, and tying her apron behind her back he smiled softly. She reminded him of a fairy, small and dainty, breakable looking almost. She was petite yes but she exuded a strength that said not to mess around with her or else. Her hair haloed her head in a ring of fiery, springy curls and her freckled face held clear green eyes that he couldn't forget if he tried. She was no doubt beautiful, and he made up his mind then and there to know her, and what made her tick. Hopefully in learning all of that he could figure out why he couldn't get her out of his mind.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapert 22

Claire woke the next morning with a smile on her face. She felt more refreshed than she had in years it seemed and she knew the reason, and the reasons had a name. Matt. In her mind she knew that it was insane to think for even a minute that he really might be attracted to her in any way beyond friendship, but she would take what she could get, for as long as she could get it. She had the feeling that it would be good for her and help her rebuild her faith in a healthy relationship, if this… whatever it was, could be called healthy.

Glancing at her beside clock she decided that she had better get out of bed and get the day started. She had to be at the arena at four that afternoon and it was already noon. After a fast shower she pulled her mass of curls into a messy bun and headed out to get the days chores done.

She pulled into the parking lot of the FCW arena with fifteen minutes to spare. Grabbing her purse and the messenger bag that she carried in place of a briefcase and headed inside to her office where she sat down and booted up her computer so that she could begin work. She had a new client this week and she wanted to get busy learning all she could about them before their first meeting. She only felt a moment of apprehension when she saw that it was a male. She could handle this, she was sure of that at this point. There was no difference between Missy and this Marquis Greer; they both did the same thing for a living. They simply had different hormones.

Just as she picked up her pen to start making notes from the file that had been left on her desk there was a soft knock on the door. "Come in," Claire called without looking up. She figured that it was Matt coming in to say hello but when she looked up she was surprised to see Stephen standing there.

"Can I come in?"

"I said come in didn't I?" She hated that her voice still held a hard edged tone when she spoke to the man. Surely he couldn't be such a horrible person if he was friends with Matt.

"I know you did, but I also know that you didn't know it was me. I just wanted to be sure I was welcome still." He walked slowly over and took a seat across from her. "You did a wonderful job helping with Missy's character development. I'm impressed."

"Thank you, I appreciate that. Is that why you came to see me? Do you need help with your character? If that's the reason for your visit then I'm sorry but you've come to the wrong place. All of those things have to go through Mr. Keirn."

Stephen smiled at her and said, "No that isn't why I came actually. I came because I wanted the chance to apologize for whatever it was that I might have done to make such a horrible impression on you. I'm really not a bad guy, and I know that there have been things said that came out completely wrong, but all in all I'm a really nice person. I just don't want you to have the wrong image of me totally."

Claire blinked in shock at him. "Well, okay then…"

Another knock at the door saved her from saying more and when the door began to open without her invitation to enter she knew that it was Matt. When he walked in he glanced from her to Stephen and stopped. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I can come back."

"No, its okay Matt, really, Stephen had just come to discuss something he had been wondering about for his character. We were finished."

With a look that said he didn't quite understand why she hadn't just told Matt why he was there, Stephen stood and extended his hand to her. "Yes, we were finished. Thank you Claire for your advice, you didn't have too."

"It's okay, really," she said, not meeting his eye.

He left and Matt took the chair where he had been sitting. "How are you today?"

"I'm really good thanks." Claire fell quite for a second and then said, "Matt, about last night, I don't want you doing anything that you aren't comfortable with doing. I don't want you to pretend to be something just to make your mom happy. She has to learn to love you as you are."

"I know that Claire, but if I can do this for her, if I can try then I know at least that I've done my best for her and my dad's memory. I've been thinking about last night too."

"Okay, what were you thinking?"

He took a deep breath and his head went into his hands. "Claire you are my best friend and there is nothing in this world worth losing that over, not this, not anything. I almost feel like I'm using you and that's so wrong. I shouldn't put you in that position."

"Matt, you're not using me. I honestly don't mind, I'm not going into this expecting anything at all, but still if you're using me, then I guess I'm using you too."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You're just saying that to make me feel better about being such a dog in this."

Shaking her head Claire said, "No, I mean it. I was just thinking of it this morning. I'm so incredibly comfortable you, in spite of the fact that you are involved in a sport, and a pretty violent one at that. I think by me helping you, I'm helping myself learn to trust again."

Matt looked up at the ceiling and then back to her. He shook his head now and gave a low laugh. "Listen to us, putting together something just to help us move on to someone else. It's insane really is what it is."

"Who says we'd be moving on to someone else? I mean if you decide that this is what you want, why would we have too?"

"So then, what is this thing we are doing?"

Smiling Claire tilted her head thoughtfully. "We're being best friends. It is what we do best."

He stood and when she stood and walked around the desk he took her in his arms. "I can't make you any promises only that no matter what goes on you will never lose my friendship. That is one promise that I know I can always keep. I can tell you this, no matter what happens, I love you in a way that no one else can."

"I understand all of that, and I don't expect any more from you that. I love you."

His head lowered to hers and his lips touched hers softly, hesitating a minute as though making sure that she was real. Pulling back he smiled. "That seems so natural with you."

Arms around his neck she pulled his head back to hers. "I guess it'd be wrong to fight it then," she said as she pressed her lips to his. She felt him pull her closer and gave a small gasp as he deepened the kiss, allowing his tongue to search hers out. It was a full two minutes before they broke apart, and then only because of a knock at the door.

"Who is it," Claire asked slightly out of breath.

"It Marquis, I was told to meet you in your office to discuss character development."

"Give me just one second; I've got someone in my office."

Matt smiled at her. "I'll see you after the show tonight. Maybe we can get dinner."

"Sounds great," Claire said as she walked him to the door opening it. "Thank you Matt for stopping in. Anytime you have an idea to run past me feel free to stop by."

With a wink he said, "Thank you for your opinions. I'm sure that I will be able to use every thing you said."

She watched for a moment as he walked away, trying not to smile. "Come on in Marquis, lets get started."

After the show Claire and Matt had dinner and then he followed her home to make sure that no one was lurking in the dark. At her door he stopped. "Well, I guess this is where I head home. I'll see you soon though."

"Okay then," she said. As he walked away she called out, "Matt, wait! Are you sure you don't want some coffee, a beer, something?"

Turning he looked at her across the yard. "Yeah, that would be nice if you're sure."

He walked back to the front door and followed her to the kitchen where she handed him a beer, and took one for herself. They headed out the back door to the patio there and sat in the cool October night. They talked about everything and anything and when he stood to leave she followed him.

"Be sure to lock the door okay," he said.

"Always do that," she smiled. "Be safe and text me when you make it home okay?"

He nodded and started to walk away. Just as she was about to close the door his hand came up to hold it open a moment longer. His free hand went around her and pulled her up close to his body. He pressed his lips to hers with a tender pressure and she could almost swear that there was a passion to the kiss. He broke away and smiled. "Goodnight Claire."

She stood speechless as he walked to his car and drove away.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

Matt had only seen Claire cry once in the whole time that he had known her. When she walked out of the building he was prepared for her to be upset but the silent tears that streaked her cheeks as she climbed into the car were more than he could take. He knew that tomorrow he would be the cause of those tears and the thought had him fighting his own tears. He pushed back the voice in his head urging him to just tell her now and spare her the hurt later, but he couldn't. Instead he reached out and took her hand in his. He didn't say anything; he just held her hand and waited on her to speak.

"Matt of all things for me to get for an internship, I had to get this! I can't do it. I just can't stand it, not with all of the violence in there. It's like a massive, never ending flashback for me." She wiped at her eyes and then turned to face him. "I know you had said we could go to dinner but do you think it would be okay to just grab some tacos and go home? Please?"

"Of course," he whispered, not trusting his own voice. He put the car in reverse and headed toward Taco Bell, then onto her home.

Pulling in the drive way after a silent car ride he walked around and opened her door for her and then followed her to the front door. Inside they sat on the couch watching P.S. I Love You on one of the movie channels and eating in more silence. Once Claire had finished her tacos she scooted herself closer to Matt and snuggled in close as he wrapped his arm around her.

"I love this movie, I always have. It reminds me of trips to Ireland that I've taken over the years. It's so beautiful there. Have you ever been?"

"Once or twice but it was always for business, never pleasure. That kind of puts a kink in the sight seeing and such. But it was beautiful, what I saw anyway."

"We should go one day, you and me. Just pack up and go for a week, or two, or a month. My grandparents still own a house over there so we could stay there and save money. I could show you all my favorite places to go there."

Hugging her close Matt said, "I guess we have to see what the futures got in store. If work and school and life will allow us to go then I'm up for it." He was quiet a full minute before he said, "Claire, do you want to talk about tonight?"

Claire was silent for so long that Matt was sure that she wasn't going to say anything about the night at all, and when she finally spoke it was so soft he leaned closer to hear her. "Matt, it was like one big flashback for me. Maybe flashbacks the wrong word really. I was watching others living out the life I had once had, only they were doing it willingly. I don't understand how anyone can want to get the hell beat out of them on a regular basis that way."

Matt just held her, not knowing what to say. He knew that it was more than that, more than a nightly ass kicking, but he knew that there was no way to explain that to Claire. He really could see where she was coming from, but as much as he saw that he also saw that she wasn't ready to hear his words. "What all happened Claire?"

"When the owner, director, whatever he was, said that it was sports entertainment I felt sick. Just his mention of the word sports still makes my blood run cold. I thought that maybe since he'd said entertainment though that it wouldn't be so bad. Then he took me to this huge arena type room with a boxing ring set up and told me that was where they wrestled. I had never even heard of wrestling Matt, not till he said it. All at once I felt stupid but then I remembered that you can't really know about something if you're not shown it, or exposed to it in some way. I've always been swamped in football. I cheered football and basketball seasons since I was six. Hell, my family had no television until I was eighteen. There was no way that I could be exposed to wrestling, and why on earth would I have watched it anyway?"

"No TV till you was eighteen huh? That must have been odd, hearing people talk about what they had been watching and you didn't even have a TV."

"I didn't mind really. I always had better grades than those people and I knew the value of a good book. My parents were both raised in Ireland and had no televisions there, so they knew ways to entertain with a blaring square to help. I enjoyed the peace of not having one actually. I rarely watch it at all now even."

"So tonight was really hard on you I take it. I'm so sorry for that Claire. I really am."

"It's not your fault Matt; it's not like you knew what I was walking into. I just really don't know if I can do this. It's so hard to watch. If I hadn't have been in the relationship I was in then maybe it would be easier but I was. This is everything that I never wanted. All these guys, and girls even, are submerging themselves in so much hate and violence. Mr. Keirn assured me that it was all a carefully choreographed show and that no one was truly being hurt but that really doesn't matter. It's the idea of it all."

"So why don't you talk to Mr. Keirn and just explain to him where you've came from and see if there's any way that maybe you could just stay in the back or maybe even work with the employees off the premises. I'm sure that he's a pretty understanding man and would be happy to work with you."

Claire looked up at Matt and grinned. "Why didn't I think of that? It's worth a shot I guess. Maybe I can do that tomorrow." Claire felt the weight on her shoulders lighten and she grinned wider. "Matt, you know what? You are the best friend that I've waited for all this time. Hell you're the man I've waited for, only your gay. Why can't all guys be like you? Sweet, caring, great listeners, calm, funny, serious, and open, what don't you have going for you? It's times like this that I am sad that you don't want a woman in your life. I love you, ya know. As my friend, I love you."

"I love you too Claire, but we all have our faults, even if you don't see them. I'm far from great." He leaned down to kiss her forehead and smiled. "It's been a big night; maybe you should get some sleep. You have another big day ahead of you tomorrow."

Walking him to the door Claire hugged him tightly once again. "Thank you again, for getting it. Whatever it is, you do get it. It means so much to me. Maybe tomorrow we can get together, lunch or a late dinner when I get out of my own personal hell."

"Sounds good," he said. A quick kiss and he was gone.

Upstairs Claire called her mother to fill her in on the week that she'd had before turning out all of her lights and going to bed. Nightmares crept into her mind as she slept, causing her to toss and turn relentlessly all night long. Across town Matt wasn't sleeping at all.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

Saturday morning Claire woke at ten and showered and readied herself for the day ahead. She was intensely nervous about the talk that she would need to have with Mr. Keirns and hoped that he would be as understanding as Matt thought that he would be. She fixed herself a lunch that consisted of a salad and grilled lemon peppered chicken and took a seat at the kitchen table. Her brain was running in a thousand different directions with this internship and she was torn over it all. A part of her wanted to tell them that she couldn't do it, that they were just going to have to find her somewhere else to do the interning at, but then a part of her said that this was a wonderful opportunity that she shouldn't pass up.

Standing and placing her dishes in the sink she decided that she needed to call her mother and run the situation by her before she headed to the office. As if that horrible place could even be referred to as an actual office, Claire thought. It was more like a place that supported beatings and violence. Surely her mom would have advice that would be helpful to her and that would make it all a little easier to deal with.

Her mother answered on the fifth ring sounding winded, as though she had just ran a marathon. "Mom, are you okay?"

"Oh heavens yes Claire; I was just in the sun room taking a run on the new treadmill is all. How are you?"

"Honestly, I'm so torn and confused and I just need your advice before I leave the house today." Claire filled her mother in what was going on with the internship and when she finished she was on the brink of tears.

"Well Claire it seems to me that you have two options. One, you can continue living in fear, anxiety, and the past, or two, you can get off your tail end and stop living that way and take back you life. That means going into this internship with an open mind and accepting it for what it is. You're not there to get physical, only to guide and mold those who do. Use this as an opportunity to move past Logan Claire, please."

"You're right of course. That's why I called you. I knew that you would have the right words and advice for me, whether it was what I wanted to hear or not. Matt suggested talking to Mr. Keirn and filling him in on my past, just so that maybe I don't have to get so close to the action."

"Then do that, if you think you will be able to do the job required of you. How is Matt dear?"

Claire had eventually told her mother that Matt was gay and was shocked when she did that her mom was not offended. Claire had thought for sure that she would be totally against the friendship because of her religious beliefs, but her mother was full of surprises. She was even coming down for Thanksgiving and was looking forward to finally meeting Matt. Claire was looking forward to it as well.

"He's doing really good and has been a huge help with school since he's done it all. I'm so glad to have him in my life. I think he's good for me." Glancing at the clock Claire said, "Well mom I have to go. I need to get ready to head out for the internship. Night two and I can only hope its better than yesterday."

"It will be dear, just make up your mind to live and get out of the chains of your past."

An hour later Claire was walking into the office of Steve Keirn. She sat nervously and fiddled with the handles on her purse. He took his seat across from her and smiled his warm, fatherly smile at her. A gesture that should have eased her only put her more on edge. She hadn't shared her story with someone she had so recently met and here she was about to pour it all out to a virtual stranger.

"Claire you said you had something that you need to talk to me about concerning your internship here, is that right?"

"Yes, I am so thankful for this opportunity and I can see how amazing it is for me, and I am going to give it my very best effort. I want that out there first and foremost. I just want to let you know where I come from so that maybe we can work out a plan, so that I don't have to sit ringside again."

With that Claire told her story and the older man listened carefully. When she was finished he looked at her with a sad smile. She was afraid that he was going to tell her that this wasn't the internship for her after all, and she was just starting to think that it was. "Mr. Keirn I can do this job without letting my past get in the way, I just think I might be able to do it more effectively a bit more removed from the ring, at least to start out."

"Ms. Ryan, Claire, please let me say that I am so sorry that you have been through the hell that you have in your life. I can fully understand where you are coming from and why you might not even want to do this internship. I then hear you tell me that you want to stay and give this a go. If that isn't strength then I couldn't tell you what is. I am more than willing to do all that I can to make this easier on you."

"Thank you Mr. Keirn, I really do appreciate it."

"Let's do this, because I think that in order for you to really help these people build their character in a marketable way that you need to see them in the ring doing their job. There are monitors in the back area where you can watch the matches and take your notes or however you want to do this in a quiet environment. I want to start you out working with the females, just to ease you into knowing these people and letting you see that they aren't what they seem in the ring. From there we can expand to the men, and building their personas. Tonight why don't you work with Missy Alexander? You met her last night and she's the one who has the love for all things Hollywood. Her match is first so you can watch and then take the rest of the night to talk to her and see what things you and her can work out. Does that sound okay with you?"

Nodding Claire smiled shyly at the man and stood when he did. Shaking his hand she again said, "Thank you, for understanding and for being willing to work with me. I guess while I'm here helping you all out I will be helping myself overcome many things. It's a win-win I would say."

"That it is, and if you ever feel anxious or apprehensive about anything at all do not hesitate to come tell me." They had made their way down a hallway and he opened up a door at the end on the right. "This is an empty office here, and I think it will be good for you to use it. There's a computer for you if you need it at all and that television is your monitor that will allow you to see what is going on in the ring. I can call you when the match starts and you can turn it on then if you'd like." At Claire's nod he said, "Alright then, I'll leave you to get settled. Take a look around and if you need anything at all just ask."

When he had gone she took a look around the office and smiled. She was going to succeed at this and she would do it while growing her confidence too. Sitting at her desk she booted up her computer and began to make sure that all the basic software applications that she would need were already loaded onto the desktop. Pleased that they were she opened up Microsoft Word and across the top of the page, in bold letters, typed: **Missy Alexander-Miss Hollywood**. Underneath she wrote out the facts that she had at this point and just as she finished she got the call that her clients match was about to start. Grabbing for the remote she flicked the monitor on and sat back in her chair to watch.

For the most part the female's matches were no where near as rough and tumble as the guys were. It was more of full contact cheerleading it seemed to Claire. Of course she knew that it was much more than that and she could fight squeezing her eyes shut periodically when it got a little rougher than cheerleading ever could. As soon as the match was over she flicked the monitor off and turned back to her computer. She made notes about her observations and added in things that she wanted to be sure to ask Missy when she arrived in her office. Ten minutes later Missy was sitting across from her and they were in deep conversation.

Claire and Missy talked for at least two hours before they called it a night. Claire had used tonight to get to know the younger girl on a personal level. Claire felt it important to know that side of a client to be able to effectively create a believable identity for her inside of the ring. She never turned the monitor back on, never gave a second thought to what was going on in the arena just a few hundred feet away from them, and she never saw her best friend take the ring and win.

Outside there were fans waiting on him and for once in his career Matt wished that they would just go away. Claire would be headed out soon and he wasn't sure that he was ready for the fallout that was surely on the way. He tossed his gym bag in his car and spotted Stephen signing autographs and taking pictures over to his right. Great, Matt thought, just what he needed, Claire to realize that he did this for a living and had lied to her about it, then to have her see the tall red monster as she referred to Stephen. He couldn't all of a sudden walk away from the fans though, not when he'd always been the first one to stop and take time with them, so he walked over to the barricade and began smiling for pictures.

Ten minutes later Claire walked out to go to her car. She immediately noticed Stephen, of course with him height and size he would be hard to miss. Her blood ran cold as she realized he must have followed her to the arena this afternoon. He wouldn't take no for an answer about lunch or coffee or anything else and now he was here. Then she realized that he was milling about in the sea of people who had just flowed from the stands in the arena. Her brain clicked into realization of what was happening. The giant was obviously one of the wrestlers, and why should she be surprised really? His build made this a perfect career for him and Lord knew that his Irish temper had to help him beat an opponent to a pulp nightly. Unfortunately none of that appealed him to her any at all; if anything it repulsed her even more.

She heard the mass of fans to her right yelling out to get a wrestlers attention, screaming Evan over and over again. She thought that if it were her she would go insane with everyone screaming her name all at once that way. She turned to see if this Evan was taking care of his fans and froze when she saw not Evan, but her best friend, Matt, signing autographs and smiling his brilliant smile in pictures. He heart broke when it hit her full on that he had lied to her about what he had done for a living, knowing that she was going to be working here.

Just then he caught her eye. "Claire wait, let me talk to you!" He handed a pen back to a fan and ran toward her.

"Matt, what… I mean couldn't you have told me? You lied to me Matt, Evan, whoever you are. I can't believe you; you of all people are involved in this mess. I thought that I knew you and that I could trust you, but I should've known better. I have to go." Claire turned wiping her tears away and climbed in her car.

Stephen caught Matt's eye and raised an eyebrow in question. Matt just shook his head and climbed into his car to head for home. He had totally messed up and now he'd lost his best friend. Why had he been so damn stupid?


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14

"Claire, please just pick up the phone and talk to me. I'm sorry for not telling you that I wrestled for a living, for letting you think that I worked in marketing. It was wrong and I know that, but I am sorry. Please, talk to me," Matt said into the phone. When he didn't hear her pick up, he sighed heavily. "Okay, I understand. I guess just call me when you're ready to talk, give me the chance to explain my side of this mess at least. I miss you."

It was Monday morning and Matt hadn't spoken to Claire since she left the arena Saturday night. He wasn't used to going a day without a phone call from her and he was missing his best friend entirely too much. It was his own fault though; he should have simply told her the truth about his life. Now he wondered if he'd ever speak to her again. He felt horrible that he had hurt her so badly and he was desperate to make it up to her, but he couldn't do that if she wouldn't even speak to him.

Maybe he should go to the coffee shop tomorrow and see if he could catch her on her lunch break. He was beginning to think that may be the only way to get her to talk to him. Then again maybe it would only make her angrier at him. He was at a loss on what to do but he had to make his mistake right. Yes, he had lied to her, and yes, he had known that he was holding back important information. Hell he had been down right selfish in his actions. He had only thought about how he would feel if she didn't want him in her life, and now she wasn't speaking to him at all. His worst fear had been realized and all he wanted now was his friend back. If it took moving mountains he would get Claire to speak to him, and he had a feeling that was exactly what it was going to take.

Claire couldn't concentrate all through her classes on Monday. She kept thinking about Matt signing autographs, those fans calling him Evan, and how he had lied to her and broken her trust. She wasn't sure why he hadn't just told her what he did, or how she would have reacted if he had, but surely it would have been easier than finding out this way. She had fallen for him as a friend and now she was broken in a million pieces by his betrayal. She would be lying to herself if she said she didn't miss him, but she just couldn't bring herself to talk to him yet.

Saturday seemed ages ago but in reality it was mere days. She knew that he had to be feeling just as bad as she was, maybe even worse. That was something that she hated more than anything else, knowing that he was beating himself up over it and hurting. He had left countless messages since Saturday, messages when she could tell that he was crying and that he felt horrible. She felt even worse knowing that she could ease his pain just by picking the phone up and talking to him, but she couldn't make herself do it, not yet.

That night at home she cooked dinner and sat herself in front of the television. She toyed with the idea of calling home but decided that her mom would know that something was wrong and she just wasn't up to the explanation that she would have to give. Besides she needed time to think. By the time she finished her dinner and had the dishes in the dishwasher she was convinced that she was just being foolish about the whole situation. She would have to face Matt sooner or later and she was thinking that the time was coming soon. They would talk it out, it would all be alright, and it had to be. He was her best friend, and her hope in life it seemed.

Tuesday morning Claire got up and readied herself for work. She had a feeling that today would be the day that she saw Matt and she was nervous. Would she feel the anger and hurt toward him that she had experienced Saturday night or would she just be glad to see him again? She found herself leaving earlier than she really needed to and when she got to work she was greeted warmly by Sadie.

"Good morning Claire, how was your first weekend on your internship?"

"You don't want to know," Claire said.

Sadie studied Claire and noticed the dark circles beneath her eyes. "Are you alright girl? You look like you haven't slept since you left here Thursday afternoon."

Sighing and setting her purse down on the counter Claire sat in the chair and looked at Sadie. "My internship is with a company known as FCW, or Florida Championship Wrestling. It's a brutal sport where people beat on each other for the fun of it, and people watch and enjoy it. It's contained violence."

"Oh my goodness, I bet that was a shocking flashback for you wasn't it?"

"Among other things, yes," Claire said sadly. "Matt does that for a living. He lied to me and never mentioned it. I saw him outside signing autographs for the fans. I haven't spoken to him since."

"Oh Claire," Sadie gasped sitting down and taking Claire's hand in hers. "I'm so very sorry. I know that you and he are so close. Has he tried to call or anything since then?"

Nodding Claire said, "Repeatedly, but I haven't answered. I can't yet but if he shows up today for lunch I will talk to him."

"If he comes in I want you to take an extra half hour, on the clock, to talk. I know how badly this has to be upsetting you. Now go get you a coffee and let's get to work."

Three hours later it was coming up on lunch time and Claire's stomach was in knots. She hadn't seen Matt come in yet, which by this time he normally had, and she hadn't heard from him all morning. It was the first time he hadn't tried to contact her cell phone since Saturday. She was hoping and praying that he would come in but she was quickly losing hope.

Just before noon the bell over the door tinkled and Claire's head jerked up to see who had walked in. She groaned inwardly when she saw Stephen walking casually across the café toward the counter. Of all people he was the last one that she wanted to see. He had a broad smile on his face when he came to a stop at the counter.

"Good morning Claire, how are you today?"

"I am doing just fine thank you. What can I get you today," Claire asked forcing a smile into her voice.

"I'll take the usual if you don't mind. So, what's going on with you and Matt?"

Claire turned and acted as though she didn't hear his question as she fixed his coffee and got his banana nut muffin. Turning back to the counter she avoided his eyes and rang up his order. "That is four dollars and twenty seven cents. Anything else I can get for you today?"

"Unless you're willing to sit and talk, then I think this is all Miss Claire."

"I've got to work, I'm sorry."

She watched as he took his seat and then headed into the back. She took off her apron and sunk down in the chair at the table. Sadie turned from where she stood at the back door taking in a new shipment and smiled.

"Has Matt come in yet?" When Claire didn't answer, Sadie walked over and sat. "Hey, Claire, have you seen Matt yet? He's usually here by now isn't he?"

Shaking her head Claire sighed. "No, he hasn't come in. Stephen did though, not that he helps my mind."

"He's not a bad guy. He's been coming in here for awhile now and is always respectful. Never known him to show an interest in anyone but you though, and you're not even giving him the time of day. What is it about him that you don't like?"

"His size for starters, I mean he's huge! And he's one of the wrestlers at FCW too. That definitely isn't a plus for him."

"So let me get this straight, your judging him based on his muscles and height, all because of your ex husband? Is that really fair to him Claire? Hell, is that fair to you?"

Claire looked at Sadie a minute and then shrugged. "I guess not, but I just don't want someone like him in my life. He isn't what I need."

"Alright then, go on and take your break then. I'll cover the counter for you."

Claire stood and headed to the front to fix herself a cappuccino and grabbed a muffin before heading out to the tables to take a seat. She had a book that she had been trying to read all weekend and was determined to make a little progress on it. She was almost finished with the first chapter and her muffin when a shadow covered the table, blocking the sunlight that was streaming in the windows. She looked up and saw Stephen standing there with a smile.

"Can I help you?"

He lifted his big shoulders in a shrug and turned a chair around backwards, taking a seat. He looked so careless and carefree, sitting there with his arms crossed over the back of the chair. He reminded her far too much of Logan.

"Sure, have a seat, I was just leaving anyway." Claire grabbed her things and went to stand when his large, freckled hand shot out to cover hers.

"Wait just a minute, sit down please. I want to talk to you. I won't bite, and I won't even put the moves on you. I just want to talk."

Reluctantly she lowered herself back into her seat and defensively crossed her arms over her chest. She wasn't going to make this easy on him at all. She had no intentions of getting to know the brute of a man who thought that he was some kind of Irish god. He would just have to find someone else to be interested in.

"So, I take it you're not going to make this conversation easy on me eh? That's okay. So tell me, what is it about me that you can't stand?"

"Why must you assume that I can't stand you? Did it ever occur to you that maybe, just maybe I'm not interested in a relationship?"

"What makes you think I'm looking for a relationship? I wouldn't do that to Matt anyway. I just want to get to know you."

Claire was more positive than ever that this wasn't a guy she wanted to know. "You're not looking for a relationship huh? So what, you think I would be okay with one night with an Irishman like yourself? I'm a lot of things, but easy isn't one of them. Nor is stupid one of them. As for Matt, we are only friends, and as of right now I don't even know about that. Now if you will excuse me, I have a real job to get back to."

Claire gathered her book and her drink and walked angrily to the back room. She put on her apron and headed toward the register to let Sadie know that she was back. Once she had clocked back in she glanced to the table where she had been sitting and noticed, thankfully, that Stephen was gone. She grabbed a towel and headed to wipe down the tables. At the table where they had sat she saw a folded up piece of paper. Sitting the towel down, she picked it up slowly and unfolded it.

"Claire, I didn't mean it that way at all. I'm sorry that it came out so wrong. I hope that you will give me another chance to make a better first impression. That sounded like I was hitting on you again didn't it? I'm sorry, again. Stephen."

With a frustrated sigh she crumpled it up and slid it into her apron. She wiped the table clean and headed back to the register. The day passed with no sign of Matt and by the time she had gotten off work she was convinced that he was too hurt to even make contact anymore. With a heavy heart and a broken spirit she headed home.


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15

Matt's phone rang and he reached for it, hoping and praying that it was Claire. He had chickened out on going to the café that day to talk to her and he was regretting it already. He saw Stephen's number and answered his phone with no enthusiasm what so ever.

"Man you sound like hell. Are you sick?"

"No, I'm not sick. I just feel like the world's biggest asshole. What's up?"

"I stopped by the café today thinking that you would be there. I saw your girlfriend and she looked about as bad as you sound. Anyway, I was thinking we need to go out and grab a pint and talk tonight man. I have questions and I'm thinking that you are the only one with the answers I'm looking for."

Matt sat up straighter in his seat and felt more awake than he had in days it seemed. "You went to the café today? Why? I told you to leave Claire be, she isn't out for a relationship."

"Yeah, a fact that I have been thinking about since you told me. Unfortunately today I put my oversized foot in my even bigger mouth and made a huge mess of things. I went to see if you were there to talk to you about some things and saw her on her lunch break. I asked her to talk; I just wanted the chance to at least be friends. Now that is shot too because I have let my mouth get ahead of all logical thought."

Matt shook his head, knowing that his friend had most likely had the best of intentions when he started talking to Claire. He also knew the man on the phone well enough to know that if he said he messed it up, then he had done it good. "I have a feeling that I don't even want to know what you've done man. Drinks sound good though. I'll meet you at the sports bar around six tonight okay?"

"Sounds good, but come ready to talk and give me answers. I've got tons of questions running around in my head." Matt hung up and headed to the shower. He was dressed and in the living room half an hour later.

Matt walked into the sports bar on Palm Drive at six fifteen and saw Stephen sitting in a back booth, away from the stage where there was bad karaoke going on. He headed to the table and when he slid into the booth he signaled the waitress for a beer. When she had brought it and sat it on the table he and Stephen ordered their usual, wings in hot sauce and a side of fries and onion rings. As she walked away Matt turned to face his friend.

"So, now tell me what you've done. I'm just dying to know how deep you are in shit."

"I will tell you if you promise to answer my questions honestly." When Matt shook his head in resignation Stephen took a long drink from his dark Guinness beer. "Alright, so I finished a muffin and coffee and sat down at her table where she was reading her book thinking that this would be a great chance to talk and start up a friendship. I asked her what it was about me that she couldn't stand. She looks at me with that pixie like face and I swear to you my brain went blank. She says that she just isn't interested in a relationship and my dumb arse says to her, why do you think I'm looking for a relationship? I told her that I wouldn't do that to you since you are my friend. Now she thinks all I bloody want is a one night stand kind of thing. She tells me that she isn't easy and that you guys are only friends only now she's not even sure of that. So she walked away before I could clear it all up and now she thinks I'm a pig who only wants in her pants."

"Wait, you basically told her you didn't want a relationship in a way that made it seem as though you only wanted sex? My God you are a moron!"

"Yes I know that, now you get to answer my questions. What's going on with you two? How'd you get her to talk to you when she obviously doesn't have any use for men at all?"

The waitress sat their food in the center of the table and Matt snagged an onion ring before he said, "I was just me man. I don't know what she saw about me that made her want to talk to me. I guess maybe it's the size thing with you. I told you before that wasn't a good thing for you when it comes to her."

"Why though? What is it with bigger guys that turn her off? You made a comment once that she didn't think that all guys were pigs but that they all wanted a punching bag instead of a partner. What was that supposed to mean?"

Matt shook his head and took a long drink of his beer. Sitting it down, he ran his hands through his hair and looked down at the table. "I don't know what all I should tell you man. She told me things in confidence and I don't want to betray that more than I already have."

Nodding as he ate a chicken wing Stephen said, "Okay then, tell me what the hell happened with you two Saturday night. What was that mess all about?"

With a deep breath Matt said, "I let her down, I lied to her. She found out, and now she's hurt beyond belief. She won't even answer my calls. I don't know what else to do."

"Wait, you lied to her? About what exactly and how did she find out?"

"I didn't tell her what I did for a living, she is the new intern at the arena and she saw me signing autographs when she headed home. It's a long story about why what we do is an issue but it is. Now that she knows you wrestle I would say that your chances with her just took a nose dive."

Stephen let out a laugh. "Like I had a chance to begin with, you can't nose dive when you've not even left the ground. Talk to me about her man, help me understand her. I won't tell her that you've said a word to me, I can promise you that. I don't know what it is with her, but she's got my brain all twisted up and I'm having so many issues getting her off my mind. She's amazingly beautiful, so innocent and kind hearted even if she only shows me her cold shoulder."

"Fine, but if you tell her or anyone else for that matter what I'm about to tell you, I will beat your ass. Are we clear on that?" Stephen nodded his head and Matt sighed. "Alright then, she just moved to Tampa earlier this year because she got divorced. She was in a marriage that was far too abusive for far too long. Her ex husband is Logan Maxwell, quarter back for the New Orleans Saints. He beat her often and the last beating before she left and filed for a divorce caused her to be scarred from a severe burn with a flaming hot metal spatula. That beating also caused her to have a miscarriage with a child that he didn't know she was carrying. After she went to live with her mom he broke in and attacked her, breaking her ribs, nose, and doing major damage to her on a whole. He violently raped her and she still doesn't know that she will ever be able to have children again because of that. She refused to press charges, and when the divorce was final and her maiden name had been restored, she packed up and moved here on his money that she got in a settlement. Are things a little bit clearer for you now?"

Stephen was silent and he was staring at the scarred table. His pale face was even paler than normal and Matt felt his emotions pouring out of his friend. He felt them too, and his stomach was turning with the telling of Claire's story. He hated to even repeat the horrible things that Claire had told him but maybe it would make a difference somehow, even if he couldn't see how now.

"What a bastard, what kind of monster does that to a woman, to her? My God no wonder she wants no part of me or this job of ours. Is she going to stay on as an intern?"

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know really. I haven't talked to her."

"If I ever see that idiot excuse for a man I will beat the living hell out of him. Matt you know me; I would never do that to her, or anyone for that matter. I just, I never would have thought that she had been through that kind of hell. She seems so tough on the outside but… I never would have thought that she had been through this kind of thing."

Matt could see that his friend was visibly shaken and he knew just how the big man was feeling. He had been sent reeling too when he first heard her story. Seeing the horrific scar on her thin belly only caused his stomach to reel more. Throwing down a twenty on the table Matt stood, suddenly needing to escape the smoky bar. "Just be careful with her, I don't want to see her hurt anymore than she has been. In all honesty I think you would be good for her, but her walls are high, and made of stone. They won't be easy to break down, but nothing is impossible if you really want it. Just be sure that you want her, all of her, and not just one night. For her sake, make sure that you can love her." He turned and walked out of the bar leaving Stephen to think about the load he had just been handed.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Wednesday passed and Claire still hadn't heard a single word from Matt. He had stopped calling, but really she didn't blame him for not calling anymore. Why should he with the way that she had ignored him? She ate her dinner on the beach alone Wednesday and when she got ready for work on Thursday she felt as though she had sand weights sitting on her shoulders. Her whole body felt heavy and beaten down with the weight of this thing with Matt and she said a silent prayer that today he would come into the café and talk to her. She knew that she only had to pick up the phone and call him herself but still for some reason she couldn't make herself do that.

Walking in the back door to the café she saw Sadie sitting at the table eating a bagel and sipping on her coffee. "Morning Claire, are you feeling any better at all today?"

"Honestly, no not really, but I guess I'm partly to blame for that. I don't know why I can't just pick up the phone and call him. It would be so easy, so simple, but I just can't do it."

"It's called pride, and my dear you were robbed of yours for so long that now that you have it in tact you can't let it go. I would be willing to bet you anything at all that Matt understands that too. It's all going to be alright and work out though, just wait and see."

With a smile to her boss and friend Claire headed to the front of the store to get ready for the shift ahead. She worked straight through and when it was nearly time for lunch she started watching the door, silently willing Matt to walk in. By the time she clocked out and took her seat for her break she let her shoulders slump, knowing that if he weren't here now he wouldn't be coming at all. That day she finished up her shift and clocked out, grabbing her purse and headed out the back door to the employee parking lot with her head down. Taking her keys from her purse and keeping her down, she didn't notice that someone was standing right beside the driver side door of her car.

Just before she got to the door to unlock her car she noticed the black, beat up converse and the frayed jeans. Her tears began to fall before she even allowed her eyes to look up and confirm what she already knew. Arms, strong and sure, went around her shoulders and held her as she cried. Finally she pulled away and looked at Matt, fighting still more tears.

"You stopped calling," she whispered.

"You weren't answering and I know I had to of filled your machine up a time or two. I didn't want to drive you further away than I had already." Matt's eyes were wet with unshed tears as he looked at her, searching her face for some sign of forgiveness. "Claire can we please go somewhere and talk? Will you please let me explain?"

Nodding, Claire opened up her car door and settled herself behind the wheel. "Meet me at Subway, down near the park. I've been craving a sub anyway." When he nodded she pulled her door closed and drove away, still wiping at the tears that didn't seem to want to stop flowing.

Twenty minutes later they had their food and were settled on a large patch of grass near the little pond in the park. They ate quietly, watching the kids across the bridge flying their kites and playing tag. Their squeals of excitement and happiness carried on the wind to every corner of the park and filled the air with childlike joy. When they had finished their sandwiches Matt finally made eye contact with Claire and gave a weak smile.

"Claire I'm so very sorry for this mess and for not talking to you before. I had my reasons and in my head they all made perfect sense to me, even if in reality they were selfish and ended up hurting you."

"Matt, if you would have told me, it would have made all the difference in the world, and you had every opportunity to do it! You lied to me, when I trusted you, you lied to me. That hurts more than anything else I think. It's like you were someone I didn't know at all."

"I know and I can't make you understand just how terribly sorry I am. I've been miserable this week not talking to you. It's my fault though and I take full responsibility for that. I just, well see I thought that if you knew that I wrestled for a living… well I thought that you would walk out of my life and not look back. I wanted to tell you so many times, but it never seemed right. I was afraid of losing the one person who knew me, all of me, and not only accepted me but loved me and wanted me in their life. Not telling you got me exactly what I was trying to avoid. I was stupid and I know that now. I just hope and pray that you can forgive me."

Claire felt the tears clogging her throat, working their way up to her eyes, drowning her in their tidal wave of emotion. He had with held his career from her because he was afraid of losing her, and that was her fault entirely. She was the one who had told him that she wanted no part of any kind of sport at all anymore, even if it was a friendship. She knew Matt though, and she knew that he wasn't like Logan in any way at all. Matt cared more about her than any man ever had and she had risked that by making him believe that she wouldn't want him around if she knew what he did. She really needed to re-evaluate her life and the way that she handled things if this was the kind of pain that she was causing herself and others.

"Matt, I should be the one to apologize. I never should have put you into a position where you thought that you had to lie to me, just to keep me in your life. I can't tell you how wrong of me that was. I forgive you a million times if you will only forgive me once."

Matt shook his head and rubbed his eyes roughly, not wanting to let the emotion he felt show. "You're asking me to forgive you, after I was the one who lied and betrayed you and your trust? You're too good, you know that?" He took her hand in his and held it tightly. "Claire you have done nothing to be forgiven for at all. If you feel that you need it then okay, it's yours, but I can assure you that you haven't done anything to be forgiven for."

They sat in silence for a minute until Claire scooted closer and allowed herself to be wrapped in arms that weren't threatening with their muscled definition, only comforting and loving. "Matt, why must you be gay," she asked with a smile in her voice. "You're absolutely everything that I want in life and all that I think I need to be able to love again, the way that I did all those years ago, and yet you're totally off limits."

He laughed and whispered in her ear, "Did it ever occur to you that maybe I'm all those things because I am off limits?"

"Nope, that has nothing to do with it." She shook her hear the way a child would when denying the robbing of a cookie jar.

Laughing Matt rested his head on her shoulder, looking out over the pond watching the kids playing. "You know, there are other guys out there who would be good for you too, if you would just give them a chance."

"Like who, your friend Stephen? I don't think so Matt. He's not what I'm looking for at all, and I'm not who he's looking for either."

"I never said him that was all you, so obviously he isn't too far from your mind. Of course that is merely an observation on my part and I could be totally wrong. Besides, there are other guys out there who aren't in this business, who aren't over muscled, and who are respectful gentlemen."

"Matt, I'm not looking for love."

Silent for quite a while Matt finally whispered, "What if loves looking for you Claire?"


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17

Friday night at the FCW arena went by without incident, and Matt took her and picked her up when the show was over. She had taken more notes on Missy's in ring performance and her in ring attitude, which she was learning was drastically different from the girl's actual personality. She was beginning to put together a working profile on ways to market a Hollywood type character for the girl and had emailed Mr. Keirn to be sure that an image change was okay as well to make the character work. With the assurance that it was Claire was confident that things were coming together, much sooner than she had anticipated.

Saturday she drew up a rough draft of her main ideas and presented them to Missy before the show. Missy loved her ideas and after deciding on the two top ideas Claire said that she would work out a final draft of the two and email it over to Mr. Keirn before leaving that night. After Missy left to get ready for her match that night Claire sat back in her chair and sighed in self assurance. She was one step closer to the first minor achievement in her life. She had gone to school after being denied that for so long and she was making a success of her degree before she had even received it.

A knock at the door distracted her from her thoughts and she sat up a little straighter. "Come in," she called.

Matt poked his head around the door and grinned at her with his childlike grin. "Can I come in a minute?"

"You never have to ask silly, come on in."

Taking the chair across from her he saw her face as she took in his wrestling tights beneath his t-shirt. "I know I should have kept my jeans on, I didn't want to remind you of what I do and of the fact that I betrayed your trust, so I'm sorry for that. I just wanted to come in and see how it was going, and my match is second tonight so I had to be ready."

"It's okay Matt really; I understand why you did what you did. You shouldn't have to hide who you are and what you do just because you think I can't handle it. I have to learn that you are just doing a job and that it's all okay and you're not really getting hurt."

Matt smiled at her and took her hand across the desk. "I am fine and I'm not getting hurt out there, you're right. I won't lie accidents do happen, but it's not common. So tell me Claire, how much do you know about professional wrestling?"

Color rose in Claire's cheeks and she looked to her computer monitor. "Honestly, I'd never even heard of it until I walked in here last week."

"Well if you ever decide you want to learn I'll be happy to teach you the basics." When her face paled he immediately back tracked. "I didn't mean as in I'd show you how it is in the ring, I just meant that I could explain the basics to you and help you to understand it a little. I'm sorry."

Shaking her head Claire smiled at him. "It's okay; I shouldn't have taken it that way to begin with. I know you better than that. I might just take you up on that though, since this is going to be an ongoing thing as far as an internship and the possibility t

hat it could go permanent."

Matt looked at the clock and stood up. "I have to go; it's almost time for my match. I'll wait on you after so that we can go grab a bite to eat if you want."

Claire nodded and stood and walked around her desk to where Matt stood. She wrapped her arms around his neck and his went around her waist in a fierce hug. Anyone would have thought that they were a couple, only they knew better. They were at ease with each other and comfortable in their relationship, that was all. "Be safe out there tonight okay?"

"I will, I always am," Matt said as he placed a kiss to her forehead and turned to go take his place at the entrance ramp.

Returning to her desk, Claire turned to the monitor hanging on the wall. With a deep, nervous breath she picked up the remote and flipped the monitor on. She heard a pulse pounding beat coming from the monitor and then in a minute saw Matt bursting out through the curtain and into the arena. The fans went wild for him and he made his way to the ring, giving the audience high fives as he went. He never stopped smiling, and she saw in him a love for what he was doing. That was a love that she thought that she would never understand.

She watched the entire match, flinching and squeezing her eyes shut more times than she could count. Whenever Matt would take a particularly hard hit she would have to fight the urge to cry or turn the monitor off, but she won the fight every time. She considered it a small personal victory that there were no flash backs creeping in as she watched, and that there was no real personal fear, just a nagging worry that Matt would be hurt no matter how careful he was.

Her computer alerted her to a new email just as the match finished up and Matt was declared the winner. She flipped the monitor off and turned to her computer screen. Moving the mouse so that the screensaver would disappear she clicked on her inbox. Mr. Keirn had looked over her ideas and he wanted to begin working on one of them the next week. He praised her work and told her again that if she needed anything at all she only had to let him know. She smiled to herself and emailed back letting him know that she was glad that he liked her ideas and she looked forward to starting on bringing one of the ideas to fruition next week.

After hitting send she began to straighten her desk and to gather her things to leave for the night. She was looking forward to a late dinner with her friend after the time apart this week. Heading out to look for Missy before she left she ran right into Stephen.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to run into you that way. I need to watch where I'm going."

Stephen fought reaching out to touch her arm as he said, "Its fine, there was no harm done." He smiled down at her trying to picture the petite little firecracker before him living in the hell that Matt had told him of. He just couldn't do it.

"If you say so," Claire said as she moved around him to head to the women's area in search of Missy. That man gave her the creeps and she knew that it was all because of his size and his obvious strength. Knowing that he made his money by beating on people with his large, fierce hands didn't help her either.

Letting herself into the women's locker room, Claire spotted Missy in the back corner, off to herself. She walked over to where she stood and smiled. "I got an email from Mr. Keirn a little while ago. He loved the ideas that we submitted and he wants us to choose one and once we do then next week we will start putting it into action."

Missy smiled broadly and wrapped her arms around Claire in a hug. "Thank you! The ideas were all yours but somehow you saw what I was wanting and you've found more than one road to get me there. I can't tell you how much I appreciate that!"

"Missy, I couldn't have done it without you there to help me along. We did this together and we will work it out together, and see it come to life together. I want you to be thinking on which idea you like the best and call me this week and let me know. Here is a copy of the concepts so that you can have it to look at and fall back on as you decide. If you need anything let me know okay?" Handing Missy the paper Claire smiled before waving and walking away.

Back out in the hallway she took a deep breath and held her head high. She was proud of what she was doing and she was actually enjoying the work, regardless of the setting it was in. She heard the ring bell ringing, announcing the end of a match. She didn't know if it was the last one or not but she thought that it wouldn't hurt to walk outside and wait on Matt there.

Within ten minutes of walking out the back door, fans started to fill up the parking lot area. Claire knew that the guys and girls would be headed out soon so she put her purse in her car and leaned back against the hood of the vehicle. She saw Matt when he walked out and heard the fans as they began calling him by his ring name. That was one thing that she had trouble dealing with, or at least it was one thing that had been a large part of the hurt last week. Hearing him being called a different name and seeing him respond as easily as if they were calling out Matt had made it seem as though he were leading a double life. She knew now that wasn't the case but the thought was still there, assaulting her brain against her will.

Matt caught her eye and smiled at her winking in greeting. He took time with all of the fans and it was a half an hour before he made it to her car. She couldn't fight a smile as she watched him, knowing that whether she understood it or not he brought enjoyment to these peoples life each week and he loved it. As he walked over to her she stood a little straighter and grinned at him.

"I feel like I should have a pen and a piece of paper, asking for your autograph or at the very least a camera to snap a picture with you."

"Has anyone ever told you that you are one hell of a smart ass Claire? Lucky for you I have a soft spot for smart asses." His smile as he spoke let her know that he was kidding, well to a degree.

"Lucky huh," Claire said. "I'd say you're the lucky one. You're lucky I don't mind a guy who gets his kicks in a violent dance with another brute."

Draping his arm over her shoulder he made a sad and pouty face. "I guess my luck isn't too great then, considering you wouldn't give that guy the time of day. Maybe I should just head home and wash away the heartbreak in a bottle of beer."

Swatting at his chest Claire laughed. "Who's the smart ass now?"

"That would be why you love me so," he grinned. "Where do you want to go eat or does it matter?"

"I really don't care I'm just famished. I haven't eaten since breakfast."

Matt gave her a look that told her that wasn't smart and she knew it. "How about we go grab some Chinese and take it back to my place?"

Claire gave him a strange look. In all the months that they had been friends she had never been to his apartment. He had always been the one to come to her house on the water, not that she had minded at all. "Sure, that sounds good."

"Why don't you leave your car here and ride with me? I don't live far and I will bring you back after we eat."

Grabbing her purse out of the front seat and locking her doors she climbed in the passenger seat of Matt's car. Just before closing the door she felt her blood run cold. The color drained from her face and she felt sick to her stomach in an instant. As Matt took his place behind the wheel he noticed her face and reached out to touch her shoulder.

"Claire, are you alright? You look like you just saw a ghost or something."

Shaking her head and telling herself she was just being foolish she closed the car door and turned to Matt smiling. "I'm okay, just thought I saw something, but I didn't. It must be the hunger playing tricks with my mind. I told you I haven't eaten."

Taking her hand in his he looked at her with concern in his eyes. "Then let's go get you something. Are you sure that you're okay?"

"Positive," she said with one more glance over her shoulder, just to reassure herself that she hadn't seen what she could have sworn she saw.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

The take out containers sat on the coffee table empty and Claire and Matt sat on the floor between the couch and the table, his arm around her shoulders, talking. When she thought they had covered everything his cell phone rang. Taking it out of his pocket he groaned and lifted himself up off of the floor.

"I'll be right back. I have to take this call." He walked into his kitchen and answered in a low, hushed tone. The conversation was held in that same tone and when he entered the living room five minutes later to find her sitting on the couch he smiled; only it looked more like a grimace. "Sorry, it was my mom."

Claire smiled back at him as he took a seat next to her on the soft couch. "Was it bad news, you look like you'd have rather been hit by a truck than to of had that conversation."

Shaking his head he turned the television to a music channel. "No, it wasn't bad news. I guess it's just that my mom and dad and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. Every call is the same thing in the end and I hate it."

"That bad huh," she said. "I've noticed that you never talk about your family, but I never asked. I always just assumed that it was a private thing or something."

"No, it's nothing personal really. Well, not where you're concerned anyway. My parents hate the fact that I would rather date a guy than a girl and they keep insisting that one day I will see the light. I've done all I can to make them proud but the one and only thing that they care about I can't give them."

Claire scooted closer and held his hand in hers, her thumb making circles on his palm. "They love you though, I'm sure."

Matt gave a short laugh. "Sure they do, and they love it even more when I try dating a girl just to be sure I'm really gay."

"You mean that you've actually dated girls before?"

"For my parents, yes, and for me when I first realized that I was more attracted to the football players than the cheerleaders. It's not that I didn't like the girls, they were all wonderful really. It was just the thought of being close, intimate with them that had my nerves on edge. I could never see myself walking down an aisle and kissing some woman and pledging to love her forever and then going home and doing all of the husband duties if you know what I mean. Hell I'm fine being with a female, as long as I don't have to be with her when the bedroom door closes."

"You've got such a way with words, you know that?"

"I try to keep it fun and light," Matt said. "Hey, do you want to watch a movie before I take you back to your car?"

"Sounds good, do you have popcorn? I'll go pop it if you want and grab us a beer."

An hour later the bowl of popcorn sat on the coffee table uneaten and two beer bottles sat empty. Matt and Claire were lying on the couch, looking like the perfect picture of a romantic and in love couple, sound asleep. By the time that Matt woke up the sun was shining in through the blinds and the birds had long since given up their morning song.

"Claire, wake up, we fell asleep."

Claire stretched out and cracked her eyes open. "We did, didn't we," she said, her voice still foggy with sleep.

Matt sat up and pulled her to a sitting position and grinned. "So much for taking you back to your car last nigh huh?"

Claire laughed, pointing to the full bowl of popcorn. "So much for popcorn and a movie it looks like! Do you have anything for breakfast in the refrigerator? I'll cook if you do."

Matt nodded and shuffled into the kitchen to show her where everything was kept. "If you don't mind I'm going to shower while you do that."

Shaking her head she fought a smile. "I don't mind, in fact I totally get it. You have to wash off your girl cooties after sleeping so close to one all night."

"If it were anyone but you I might be offended," he said kissing her cheek. "You are lucky I love you."

"I know," Claire mumbled as he left the room. Her heart was beating in an unsteady rhythm and she was afraid that she was crushing on her best friend just a little. That wasn't good, no matter how you looked at it.

To distract her mind she set about making a breakfast of eggs and bacon. After they had both eaten she took a shower and slipped into one of Matt's shirts and a pair of his old pajama pants. He followed her downstairs and then drove her back to the FCW arena to pick up her car so that she could go home. Pulling into the lot a sick feeling came over him and he glanced at her to see if she was feeling anything. She looked just fine so he brushed the feeling off.

As they pulled closer to her car the sick feeling wouldn't go away and it only got stronger. He wasn't paying attention and when Claire spoke in a frightened, shocked tone he jerked himself back to attention. "What did you say," he asked blinking.

"My car; Matt look at my car."

He took one look at her car and the sick feeling consumed him. The windows were all smashed in, and the back bumper was hanging off. There was spray painted words full of hate all over the doors, trunk, and hood that Matt wished a thousand times Claire hadn't seen.

"Oh my God, Claire I'm so sorry. Who could have done this?" In her silence he looked at her and remembered her face as she was climbing into his car the night before. She had been pale as though she had seen a ghost. A ghost or pure evil, he thought. "Claire, last night what did you think you saw as you were getting into my car?"

Without answering his question she climbed out of his car and walked over to the wreck that was hers. A folded piece of paper was sticking out of the hole that had once been a windshield. She knew that she should leave it there for the cops but she had to see what it said. She reached out and carefully picked it up, not touching anything else in the process. Unfolding the stiff sheet of white note paper she felt her entire body shaking.

"Claire, did you really think that I would let you go so easy? Did you think that you could take my money every month and that I wouldn't want something in return? Even better, did you really think you could change your last name and run off to another state and think I wouldn't find you? I saw you leave tonight with your little boyfriend and I have to say, he's not your type. Why would you bring someone else into your life you stupid bitch? Haven't you learned that I'll never be gone from you, not until death do us part? You were there when we said those vows, and look at you trying to run from them. What would God think of you breaking that vow? Enjoy your time with your lover whore because it's not going to last much longer, I promise."

There was no signature but Claire didn't need a name, she knew it all to well. She was crying by then, her whole body shaking, convulsing in fear and pure terror. She didn't even notice Matt's arms around her until he spun her around, grabbing her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him.

"Claire, was it your ex husband? Is that who did this?" When all she could do was nod he pulled her close to his body, stroking her still damp curls. "We will call the cops; they will make a report and look for him. If he's still in the area they will find him. He won't hurt you any more, not as long as I'm around."

An hour later a report had been filed and they were back at Matt's apartment. "Let's head over to your house Claire, make sure he didn't go there too."

Claire's eyes snapped to meet Matt's. She hadn't even thought of that and just the thought that Logan had been in her house sent chills down her spine. She nodded and then said, "Matt I hate to ask, but do you think you could come stay with me a few nights? Just until this blows over anyway, I'm scared and I don't think I could handle being in the house alone."

Matt crossed his small living room and wrapped her in his arms. It infuriated him to see her as she must have been all those months ago. "Of course I will, I'll stay as long as you need me too. You know you're always welcome here too, right?" When she nodded he pulled back and brushed a stray curl off her cheek. "Wait here while I go pack some clothes okay? I'll be right back."

After another hour had passed they were sure that Logan hadn't been to her house and she felt herself breath a little easier. How he had found her she would never know, but he had done what he had set out to do. She was terrified.


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19

Monday morning Claire woke up and fixed home made pancakes for breakfast. When Matt came into the kitchen she fixed him a plate and sat down across from him. "What are you doing today?"

"Nothing at all, why, is there something you had in mind?"

"I need a new car. I was hoping that you would take me to look for one."

"Of course I will. Today we can do whatever you want to do. Just tell me and I'll make it happen."

By two o'clock that afternoon Claire still hadn't found a car that she really liked, and she was hungry. She hated Matt having to chauffeur her around all day but he promised her that he didn't mind at all. He was really to kind to her and she would have to find a way to repay him.

They were just finishing up a late lunch when Claire's cell phone rang. Picking it up without glancing at her caller I.D. she said hello. She listened for a minute and then said, "So you've not been able to find him at all?" She was silent another minute as she listened to the officer on the line before saying, "Yes, I understand. I have someone who can be with me I think so that I'm not alone. Thank you for letting me know and please, if you hear anything, call me back."

"What was that about," Matt said as she slid the cell phone back into her purse.

"That was Officer Grays from the police department. He wanted to let me know that after they had looked everywhere and searched all the local hotels for a booking in Logan's name at all the local hotels and motels they haven't found him. They suggested that I find someone to stay with me, especially at night, just in case."

"Then I'll stay, it's no big deal at all. We can split up the time between your place and mine."

"Matt I can't ask you to babysit me all the time. You have a life too and you shouldn't have to give it up just because I have a psychotic ex husband."

Taking her hand in his and giving it a squeeze Matt said, "Claire, really I don't mind at all. I love the time we spend together. If I can help keep you safe I want too."

"As long as you know you don't have to do it, I guess its okay." Claire couldn't help but think that it was a major mistake having him around all the time. She already thought that she could love him for the rest of her life, the last thing she needed was him around long enough to have her falling in love with him. She didn't think that idea was totally absurd, at least not as absurd as she would have thought it just a few months ago. Lately she was thinking that she needed to distance herself from him if only to remind herself that he wasn't who she needed if what she wanted was a mate in life. Now here she was, being forced to have him serve as her protector. That was the last thing that she needed him in a hero position, or worse, a position that could bring him harm.

That night they stayed at her house and went for a late night walk on the beach. They were hand in hand and she couldn't remember anything that had ever felt so natural. She had to stop her mind from letting her think that she could love him. Maybe she should just tell him what was on her mind, but that thought was more than she wanted to think on.

"What are you thinking in that pretty little head of yours Claire?"

"What makes you think I'm thinking anything?"

"You got quiet, and you're fiddling with your hair. That's always a sign with you."

Claire gave a soft chuckle. "You think you know me so well do ya?"

"Okay, then tell me you weren't thinking on something and mean it." When she stuck out her tongue at him he laughed out loud. "That's what I thought. See I do know you that well you dork."

She playfully punched him in the arm and smiled up at him in the moonlight. He smiled down at her then turned to look out at the horizon. He stared at the place where the sea met the sky and grew quiet. "Now who's thinking and has a full mind? Want to talk about it," Claire asked.

Matt sank down to sit in cool sand and raised his knees up to his chest. Wrapping his arms around his knees he said, "The moon's so bright tonight. It's like it's lighting up the whole sky so we can see how beautiful it is out here when there's no one around."

"I can't argue with that, but I'm pretty sure that wasn't what was on your mind."

"No, you're right, that isn't what's on my mind. I've just been thinking about my mom's call yesterday. I didn't tell you what she called for."

Taking a place beside him Claire leaned back on her hands and looked at the back of his head. "Do you want to share now?"

"She wanted to talk about Thanksgiving, and the family's plans. I guess I shouldn't have been surprised that once again I wasn't included, and really I wasn't surprised I don't guess. It still hurts to hear that they have all these wonderful plans that I'm not welcome to if I continue to insist that I am who I am. I told her that I had plans already anyway, and in all honesty I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I'm so sorry Matt, really I am. I can't imagine having parents that didn't support me in my life. I know that it can't be easy, and that it's not something that you just get used to."

He reached out and touched her hand. "Sometimes the family that really counts has no blood ties to you at all, I've learned that." With a smile he changed the subject. "Now you know what was on my mind, so tell me what it was on yours."

"You."

"Me? What about me?"

"It's nothing Matt, really. Just let it go."

"Are you sure? You know that you can talk to me right? Is it about all this with Logan?"

Claire began drawing circles in the sand and she avoided his eyes. "This thing with Logan certainly doesn't help, but no, that's not it entirely. I just… well, sometimes I think that I love you, when I know that I shouldn't. I know you think that because I know you're off limits is why I feel like you could be the perfect man for me, but that isn't it. I just can't see me with anyone who isn't just like you. I just hope that one day, when you find that perfect person for you, that they know how truly special you are and appreciate that."

"Claire, it's okay really. Who knows, maybe it will all be like my dad says. One day I'll come to my senses and realize that the one I need wears a bra naturally."

Claire's mouth hung open and she tried to judge whether he was joking or not. When she realized that he wasn't she scooted closer to him and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and he lay his head on her shoulder. "Matt that's just a horrible thing to say to anyone, but especially your own son! You love who you love and that's that. To say that love is wrong is to not really know what it is."

Matt leaned into her and kissed her cheek. "Let's go back in. It's getting chilly out here and we need to get some sleep."

He stood and held out his hand to help her up before wrapping his arms around her in a tight hug. "Thank you for being such a wonderful friend to me, for loving and caring about me."

"And thank you for being all that and more for me," Claire whispered.

That week passed quickly, with Claire working and going to her classes and Matt never far away. Sadie was pleased to see that the two had patched up their issues and was back on track and she was shocked to hear about the vandalizing of Claire's car. At the FCW arena that weekend Matt was like a shadow to Claire and unless he was in the ring he was at her side. He took his role as protector serious and he made her feel safe, behind walls that couldn't fall. Claire and Missy got the new character worked out and in a few short weeks Missy would become Alexandria, a movie starlet who was known for her bad girl image with a twist of sassy sex appeal. With no further incidents from Logan it seemed silly to have Matt with her at every moment.

As they headed home that Saturday Claire looked at Matt and grinned. "I've loved this week with you, but if you don't want to you don't have to keep staying. I'm sure that the issue is over now and he's long gone."

"I think one more week would be best, just to be on the safe side of things."

"Okay," she smiled. "Stephen didn't try to talk to me this weekend at all, and he hasn't been in the café either. That's unusual. Maybe he got the hint finally."

"Claire he isn't so bad, and I'm sure that you just misunderstood what he meant that day at lunch. Why don't you give him a chance and just talk to him? We could get a group together and all go out so it wouldn't be so personal…"

"No, Matt, he isn't what I want or need. He's not my type at all and I just know that it wouldn't work. I don't want to know him, and I really don't think I misunderstood. He made it pretty clear what he meant."

"Okay fine, I'll drop it," Matt said with a sigh. "Can you believe that it's already October?"

Claire smiled at the way he had so casually changed the subject. "I know, this year has flown by. It's been so full of highs and lows, I'll be glad when it's all over."

"Just remember when it hits the bottom you can only go up from there."

The week went by fairly uneventful and on Wednesday evening the two of them shared their weekly dinner on the beach. They had a great conversation about Halloween and the upcoming Thanksgiving season. There was laughter and comfortable silences mixed in with stories of Matt's work and Claire's childhood. By the time they headed back into the house the sun had long since set and they were both tired. Claire went to her room to change into her pajamas and get herself ready for bed while Matt went to the guest room where he'd been sleeping for the past week and a half to do the same.

"Goodnight Matt," Claire called from her bed.

"Night Claire," he called back.

She was just about asleep when she heard his cell phone ringing in his room. She heard him answer and talk in hushed tones and even though she was curious about who was calling and what was being said she rolled over and did all she could to go to sleep. Fifteen minutes later she rolled back over and she could have sworn she heard sobs coming from down the hall. No, she thought, there was no reason that he would be that upset. She closed her eyes and told herself to just go to sleep, that he was fine. She had almost convinced herself of that when the sound of crying came floating down the hallway again.

She got up out of bed and walked silently down the hall. At his door she stopped and listened. He was definitely crying and the sound simply broke her heart. She knocked softly and let herself in. Walking over to the bed where he sat propped up on pillows, tears raging like rivers down his cheeks, and sat down.

"Matt, honey, what is it?"

"That was m-m-mom. She said that dad, he was working out in the garage, he… he fell. It was two hours before she found him."

Claire felt tears spring to her own eyes and she blinked them away. Wrapping her friend in her arms she rocked him gently. "Matt I'm sorry, so sorry. What happened?"

He held onto her and let the tears fall. After who knows how long he leaned back and wiped at his eyes. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize to me Matt, you have every right to be upset." She stood and grabbed him a box of tissues from the bathroom closet and took her seat next to him again. "Here, if you want to talk I'm here, and if you just want a shoulder, I've got two."

"Regardless of how my parents feel about me, I love them both so much. It kills me knowing that they aren't proud, that they can't stand their own son. Claire mom said dad had a massive heart attack. When he fell and lay there in that garage for all that time his heart was attacked by smaller heart attacks but they aren't sure just how many times that happened. He's alive, but barely. The doctors don't think he'll make it til Monday."

"Then you need to go and see him, be with him Matt. Tell him you love him while you can."

Tears fell from his sweet eyes once again. "I would love to, but even now, when my dad's lying there dying, I'm told not to come if I'm only going to bring my sin into their lives. I'm not welcome."


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Claire had spent the night in the bed with Matt that night, holding him as he fell asleep with tears still wet on his cheeks. She had slipped out of bed early the next morning and headed into the kitchen to make him breakfast and coffee. She wanted to talk to him over breakfast about his mom and dad. Her heart had broken right along with his the night before and the pieces were still scattered inside her chest.

When she had the plates on the table she went to the room and kneeled beside the bed. "Matt, honey wake up and come eat some breakfast."

Matt mumbled something that was groggily incoherent and rolled over. Claire gently shook him and attempted to wake him again. This time he rolled back over and his eyes opened just a bit and he reached out to touch her face. "Thank you for being here last night with me. You didn't have to stay in here all night like you did."

"Its okay sweetheart, I owe you for all you've done for me these last few days. Why don't you get up and go wash your face off then meet me in the kitchen? I have you some breakfast ready and waiting on you, coffee too."

Matt nodded and sat up rubbing his neck. "I would give anything if you could tell me that last night was a dream."

Claire smiled sadly at him and leaned over to kiss his forehead. "I know and believe me when I say that I would love to tell you that. When you get to the kitchen we can talk."

Ten minutes later he was sitting with her in the kitchen eating his breakfast. His eyes were swollen and he had dark circles decorating his face. He had slept but not well, tossing and turning through out the night. As soon as they had finished eating and their coffee was gone Claire put the dishes in the sink and took his hand to lead him out to the white sand.

"So Matt I've been thinking, and I don't see why you can't just go. It's not like they can stop you from seeing your dad. Besides, you need to be there to say I love you to him."

"Claire you don't understand. He's in the hospital and mom will have told them that I'm not to come into the room if she knows that I'm still gay. Believe me when I tell you that I want to go, I need too. I just don't want to see that disappointment in my dad's eyes, I don't want to know that he died being disappointed in me, not being proud."

Claire sat silently for a minute thinking about what Matt had said. Finally she gazed out at the horizon and said quietly, "So let him be proud of you Matt. Go home and see him and let him believe that you are who he wants you to be. I know that it would make you feel better in the end."

"How can I do that Claire? Lie to him and my mom?"

"Don't lie to them, no, but if they were to make their own assumptions, well then that wouldn't be your fault now would it?"

"What are you thinking in that scheming brain of yours?"

Claire looked at him and smiled. "I'm only saying that you would need a friend with you for support and I'm sure that I could get off work. Everyone here assumes that we are dating and no amount of denying it seems to convince them otherwise. So if your parents assume what everyone else assumes, especially when we do nothing to encourage the assumptions, we aren't exactly lying to them."

Matt sat quietly thinking it over. "I just hate that he would only be proud of a lie, not who I really am. I guess him having that peace of mind would make me feel a bit better no matter what. You would go with me, really?"

"Of course I would go with you! That's what friends are for, and you're then best friend I've ever had."

That night the two of them had talked to their bosses and were on a plane headed to St. Louis. Matt held her hand through the whole flight and they took a small nap while they were in the air. Right before they landed he turned to her. "I just want you to know that I really appreciate you doing this. I don't think I could have faced this alone. It's just still so hard to believe that my dad isn't going to make it."

"I know how you feel, I really do. I've been there and I know how painful it is."

Half an hour after they had landed they were pulling into the hospital parking lot. Matt took her hand and led her in through the automatic doors. At the front desk he stopped and spoke to the nurse there. "I'm looking for Steve Korklan's room, I'm his son."

"I cannot give you his room number but I can tell you that he is on the fourth floor in the west wing. You should be able to find the family in the waiting room. Take the red elevators and it will bring you out right down the hall from where you need to be."

Inside the elevator he sighed heavily, with tears in his eyes. "I told you that I wouldn't be welcomed here."

"Just give it time Matt; it's all going to be okay. You have every right to be here to see your father."

They exited the elevators and headed down the hall toward the waiting area. Right before he turned to go in he turned to face Claire. "I can't thank you enough. I do love you."

Smiling Claire took his hand and nodded to him. He led her into the room and she felt his muscles tense.

"Mom, how is dad?"

"I thought I told you that you weren't welcome here Matthew. Your father doesn't need the added stress; it's bad enough as it is."

Claire's heart broke all over again for him. She stepped up beside of him so that she could be more easily seen, all the while never letting go of his hand. She didn't know how a family could be so unsupportive of each other and was thankful that her mom supported her in everything. Claire noticed when his mom's eyes saw her and their linked hands. They changed subtly, taking on a curious light.

"Mom, this is Claire."

His mother stood and walked to them. She extended her hand and smiled. "I'm Elaine, Matt's mother. Nice to meet you Claire, although the circumstances leave much to be desired," she said with a catch to her words.

"I'm so sorry about your husband Mrs. Korklan."

The older lady nodded and wiped at her eyes. They were Matt's eyes, soft and kind at some level. She had a hard weathered look about her, as though she had spent years steeped in worry and stress. Claire couldn't help but wonder how much of that stress had been brought on needlessly, worrying about something that she had no control over anyway.

"Well, Matthew, Claire, come have a seat." As they sat she smiled. "So how long have you two known each other?"

"For about four months now," Claire said.

"Mom how's dad?"

Taking another tissue his mom said in a voice so soft Claire barely heard, "He isn't well Matt, he's had one massive heart attack and the doctors believe that he has had at least eight small heart attacks since. They say that even with surgery the damage is irreparable. They don't believe that he will make it through the weekend."

Matt sat silent and tears rolled down his cheeks in rivers. Claire reached out and took his hand in hers once again; not thinking of the impression it would give his mother, and in all honesty not really caring about it. She was here to comfort her friend and that was what she intended to do.

"When can I see him mom?"

"He's due to have visitors again in five minutes. You and Claire can go on in then." She nodded and then stood. "He's in room number 456, down the hall on the right. I'm going to go down to get something to eat and I'll be back in a bit."

They all stood as she left the room and Matt wrapped his arms around Claire's waist in a tight hug. "Thank you for being here."

"You're welcome," Claire said placing a kiss on his tear streaked cheek. Neither knew that his mom was watching from the small window in the waiting room door, smiling to herself thinking that there was more than a friendship between her son and the woman who was in his arms.

"Dad, it's me, Matt. Mom said that I should come in and see you." Claire stood back at the door giving Matt time with his dad. The tears on his face and the choked sound in his voice broke her heart. She wanted to run to him and love him. "Dad, I just wanted you to know that I love you. I'm sorry for all the disappointments that I've brought to your life, but through it all I loved you. I always will love you daddy." He broke down on the last word, unable to speak more.

She watched as he held his dads hand in his own and waited a minute before walking to his side, placing her hand on his back. Standing silently by him she felt her cheeks become wet with her own tears and she quickly washed them away. She was thinking of being a hospital like this one, watching her own dad dying. Matt's dad reminded her so much of her own, lying there with tubes and monitors all around, eyes closed and unresponsive. Her heart hurt for the man and the family.

When the P.A. system announced that visiting hours were over the two of them headed back to the waiting room hand in hand. Matt's mom was waiting and Claire noticed a younger version of Matt sitting beside of her with his arm draped over her shoulders. They looked up as Matt and Claire entered the room and Mrs. Korklan smiled warmly.

"How was he? Did he respond at all?"

Matt simply shook his head and took a seat. "Mike, when did you get here?"

"A few minutes ago, while you guys were in the room."

Introductions were made and then they all sat in silence. At seven o'clock that night Matt stretched and stood. "I guess we need to be going and finding a hotel. I'll be back first thing in the morning mom. Call me on my cell phone if you hear anything at all."

"Son, there's no reason for a hotel; you are welcome to stay at the house. I'm going home too since they don't allow visitors after eight at night anyway. I'll fix us all a simple dinner and we can get some rest."

That night at the house where Matt had spent his teenage years he told Claire more about his childhood and showed her pictures from his younger days. They stayed close together, comfortable in each others presence. When it came time to sleep Elaine suggested that they might want to share a room. For them it was no big deal but when they said that they would like that Matt's mom couldn't hide her pleasure.

That night they lay in the bed that had been his throughout his teenage years and he told her about his dad. They shared stories of their fathers and the ways that they were similar and Claire felt a peace about her father's passing so early, a peace that she hadn't felt in years. Wrapped in Matt's arms she fell asleep against his chest and they slept soundly until morning.

At nine the next morning there was a soft knock at the door. "Matt honey, its time to wake up and have some breakfast before we head to the hospital," his mother called.

"Alright we'll be right there," he said sleepily. He stretched and Claire rolled to face him.

"Good morning, are you alright this morning?"

"As good as I'm going to be all day I think. Can I tell you something," he asked. When she nodded he said, "When you first suggested that we come here, not telling my parents if we were together or not, letting them draw their own assumptions, I thought that you were crazy. I didn't think it would ever work out but it has. For once I feel like my parents care, at least my mom. I just don't want you to think that I'm using you in any way or anything."

"Never would I think that Matt. I know you better than that."

They got up and dressed and headed to the kitchen. After a delicious breakfast Claire offered to help with the dishes. She was drying the last plate when the phone rang. Elaine answered it and after a minute her face went pale, and her hand went to her lips. "Yes, we will be there in a little while, thank you for calling."

As she hung up tears marked her cheeks and Matt began to cry silent tears as well. Claire was at his side when his mom spoke. "That was the hospital; they wanted to tell us that your father is gone. His heart just stopped beating in his sleep."

Matt buried his head in Claire's shoulder and cried like a boy whose heart would never mend. After a minute Claire pulled back and looked at him. "I'm so sorry Matt, I really am." He brushed her cheeks with his thumbs and she thought that she must have been crying too. She leaned in to kiss his wet cheeks as she had so many times before just as he turned his head to look at her. Their lips met and held for a moment longer than necessary and when they broke away he pulled her close again. Her heart, though broken felt more alive than it had in years even though she knew that it was a mistake, one that would never be repeated.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

That week flew by in a flurry of activity and emotions. Funeral plans were made and carried out, family and friends stopped in to pay the condolences, and the tears flowed like rivers. The night of the funeral there had been people at Matt's parent's house until near ten o'clock that night and as the last one left Claire turned to look for her friend. He was no where in the house so she walked out back to the deck to see if he had gone out for some fresh air, or more likely, to escape the crowd who was just so very sorry.

She found him with his dress slacks rolled up to the knee, his feet in the pool, lost in thought. She kicked her heels off and sat next to him, pulling her skirt to her knees so that she too could dip her feet in the cool water. She sat quietly next to him, knowing that sometimes silent support meant the most.

After ten minutes had passed he turned to her. "Good thing the pool is heated, otherwise the water would be too cold for this."

"It certainly would be."

"I've been doing a lot of thinking Claire; a lot. This week has been so emotional for me, on so many levels. I never thought that my dad would be gone so soon. Now he is and I have to live knowing that I wasn't the son he wanted, that I wasn't good enough and that I was a constant disappointment. That's the hardest thing in all of this I think."

Claire reached over and laid her hand on his leg. "Matt, you're not a disappointment, at all. Your parents love you, whether they show it or not."

Shaking his head Matt blinked away the tears that he couldn't seem to stop that day. "No, I have been a disappointment to them. I know that they love me but they are far from proud of me."

Not having any words to comfort him Claire scooted closer and wove her fingers through his, leaning her head on his shoulder. He leaned his head over to rest on hers and rubbed his thumb in circles on the palm of her hand.

"Claire, I've been thinking that I don't want to be this disappointing embarrassment for my mom anymore. I don't know that I can change who I am or that it would even matter but I just don't want to someone who she isn't proud of anymore."

Claire raised her head and looked at him. "What are you saying Matt?"

"I don't know, really. I just… I look at mom this week and I see how happy that she is in her belief that I've changed my ways and that smile on her face when she looks at me… Claire it's a smile I've not seen in years. I just have no clue right now. For all the thinking I've been doing it's like I'm a blank slate."

Claire swallowed against a lump that had formed in her throat and said in a whisper, "Matt, whatever you do, whatever you think is best; I will be here beside you supporting you one hundred percent."

"I know you will, and I can't thank you enough for the support that you give me. I don't think I could have made it through this week if it hadn't been for you."

They had been back in Tampa for a week and were back into the swing of things. Matt still insisted on staying with Claire in case anything was to happen with her ex husband. Claire insisted that he really didn't have to. The second Thursday in October Claire finally found a new car and she told Matt that he had no reason to stay any more, she could take care of herself and she had a way to get around again. He reluctantly left her alone in the house, going back to his own apartment.

Friday night Claire went to the FCW arena, filled with worry and with her nerves on edge. She hadn't been back to the arena since discovering her car. She couldn't help constantly looking over her shoulder as she headed into the building. Instinctively she knew that he wasn't there, he was long gone, but she was still on edge. When she got off that night Matt was there waiting on her, ready to walk her to her car and see that she made it safely home.

"Are you hungry? We could go somewhere and get something before you go home."

"Thank you Matt, and actually, yes I am hungry. Why don't we go to the Steak and Shake?"

"I'm right behind you," he said climbing into his car.

Ten minutes later they were being seated and looking at the menus. Once they had ordered and gotten their drinks Matt looked at Claire across the table. "I want you to know that I really do appreciate you going home with me and being there."

"It's no problem at all. I would do it again too. You're my best friend and you're always there for me so it was really the least I could do."

"I don't do things for you to feel that you owe me though Claire. I do it because you're my friend and I love you. I know what you mean though." Taking a sip of his drink he cleared his throat and lowered his eyes to the table. "I'm really thinking that I need to change."

"Matt, what ever you do I will always support you in it. Just know that I love you as you are, however that may be. And…" Claire lowered her voice and continued, "I will stand by you, even if you decide to date or whatever."

Matt took her hand in his just as the food was delivered. "Claire, that won't happen. I couldn't do that to you."

Claire felt the moisture gathering in her eyes and blinked it away. "It's okay Matt, really it is. I've just been thinking a lot about you, and how I feel and I know that it's silly and maybe you were right when you said that I only think we would work because I know you're off limits."

They ate in silence then, and when the check came Matt took it and paid. "Why don't I follow you home, just to be sure you make it without incident?"

Nodding Claire climbed into her new car, which was actually a small truck, and headed toward home. Once they pulled into the drive Matt hopped out of his car, rushing to open her door for her. He then took out his keys, and using the key she had given him let them into the house. After making sure that the house was empty he turned to Claire.

"I know it's late but how about a walk on the beach?"

"Matt, I don't know, maybe it's not the best idea."

Extending his hand for hers he smiled. When he smiled you couldn't help but return the gesture, it was like a bad cold, catching, only so very good. Taking his hand she sighed. "Okay, fine let's go."

Once they were in the sand, faces protected by the darkness of night Matt said, "You haven't been able to look at me straight since we got back here."

"What are you talking about, yes I have!"

"No, you haven't. Really since the day in mom's kitchen when they called about dad," Matt said in a low voice.

At the mention of the accidental kiss Claire felt her face go hot. It had only been a brushing of their lips, a fraction of a second, but in that second her heart had beat like never before. Maybe it was just the rush of a man's lips, a man who had never let hate filled and hurtful words pass through those lips toward her. Whatever the reason for it, she had avoided any situation that could cause a repeat of the accident.

"See you go all silent when I bring it up so I know that you know exactly what I'm talking about."

"Oh I did not go all quiet! I was thinking!"

Matt gave a low laugh. "Claire I didn't mean that bad at all. I just meant that I understood why you felt the way you did. For the first time my stomach didn't turn when my lips touched a female's."

Claire stopped walking, digging her toes into the cold sand. "What do you mean?"

Turning to face her, Matt said, "I mean that in the past when I've pretended to date a girl for my parents benefit it made me sick to my stomach. I always gave it my all; you know a real fair shot, so I've kissed girls before. It just always made me sick the instant that our lips would touch. It didn't do that with you and I'm confused. I think that's what got me thinking that maybe I should try to be who my parent's want me to be."

Claire looked at him trying to figure out where he was going with this. "Matt, please don't do this."

He stepped closer to her, putting his hands on her shoulder. "Claire you're my best friend, I would never do anything to hurt you. Please tell me you know that. I'm not trying to hurt you right now; I'm trying to be honest with you."

"Matt I know that and you're not hurting me. I'm bringing that on all by myself. I can't shake thinking that you're perfect for me. You're exactly what I need to learn to love again. I know that it's not possible and that it won't happen and I know that you love me but that it's only as a friend and I know…"

Matt lips found hers and silenced any other words that were going to come out of them. It was a simple kiss, one that two best friends might share, only that it lasted a minute longer than it should have, and it knocked Claire off her feet.

"Why did you do that?"

"I didn't know how else to make you be quiet. Other than that I really don't know. It felt right at the time, I'm sorry." He spoke in whispers, his forehead resting on hers. As her arms went around his waist he wrapped his around her neck. "Claire, I don't want to ever lose your friendship."

"I don't think that would ever be possible. I couldn't live without your friendship in my life."

Pulling her closer Matt pressed his lips to her forehead. "Good, because I couldn't live without yours either. No one in my life has ever accepted me like you do."

"You know, you don't have to apologize for that kiss. It's okay."

He pulled back and looked at her in the pale glow of the moon. "Yeah," he asked.

"Yeah, as long as you don't make me apologize," she said.

"Apologize for what?"

Without a word Claire pressed her lips to his. She held them there for a minute before she got the nerve to trace his lips with the tip of her tongue. His lips parted in a sigh and she let her tongue meet his. She gave a soft gasp when he returned her kiss. Her hands cupped his face and his arms went to her waist as the kiss deepened.

When she finally pulled away she was breathless and at a loss for any words. She managed to whisper an apology before attempting to pull away. His arms tightened around her waist and he held her close.

"What are you apologizing for?"

"I guess I kinda figured that would turn your stomach. Well, that and I didn't mean for it to go that far."

Matt smiled that smile that suddenly melted her. "Normally I think it would've but it didn't. In fact I think I kind of liked it more than I should."

"I know I enjoyed it more than I should have. I'm sorry Matt." Claire turned to walk back toward her house.

Matt stood watching her go, wondering why he didn't mind her kiss when in all reality he should have. When she was fifteen feet up the beach a loud clap of thunder followed by streaking lightening jarred him from his thoughts. He ran to catch up to her, grabbing her arm and spinning her around to face him.

"Claire, tell me why exactly why you shouldn't like it. Personally I don't know why it is that I didn't mind it, but I just know that I didn't. For me right now knowing that I didn't is enough. Maybe it's because I trust you, because I love you already and know that you're the best friend I could ever have. I don't know, but I know that I didn't mind that back there."

"Matt, it won't work. I mean look at us! Here I am a divorcee who only knows beatings and hate when I should be talking about love. Then you, Matt, you're gay. That isn't exactly an issue for me, but when it comes to a relationship I think there is a tiny problem."

"You talk way too much you know that?"

"I do not; I'm just talking logically and pointing out the facts. We both bring so much to this… this… whatever this is that I don't see how you can possibly…"

His lips were on hers again just as the sky opened up and the rain assaulted the earth. They were both soaked before he pulled his mouth from hers. "You talk too much," he whispered.

"If you say so, I guess I do. You kissed me again."

"It's the only way to shut you up I think."

"What is happening with us Matt?"

Glancing up at the sky he laughed. "Well I would say we are caught in a storm, and we are getting drenched. Beyond that I have no idea, but I see no reason to fight it."

Claire started to protest, but knew that it would fall on deaf ears. Instead she lost herself in the moment and in the pouring rain. She wound her arms around his neck and laced her fingers together. "I guess you're right and if we aren't fighting things then this will be okay." Her lips found his in the pouring rain and she kissed him the way that she had always dreamed of being kissed, but never had until this moment.


	22. Chapter 22

Chapert 22

Claire woke the next morning with a smile on her face. She felt more refreshed than she had in years it seemed and she knew the reason, and the reasons had a name. Matt. In her mind she knew that it was insane to think for even a minute that he really might be attracted to her in any way beyond friendship, but she would take what she could get, for as long as she could get it. She had the feeling that it would be good for her and help her rebuild her faith in a healthy relationship, if this… whatever it was, could be called healthy.

Glancing at her beside clock she decided that she had better get out of bed and get the day started. She had to be at the arena at four that afternoon and it was already noon. After a fast shower she pulled her mass of curls into a messy bun and headed out to get the days chores done.

She pulled into the parking lot of the FCW arena with fifteen minutes to spare. Grabbing her purse and the messenger bag that she carried in place of a briefcase and headed inside to her office where she sat down and booted up her computer so that she could begin work. She had a new client this week and she wanted to get busy learning all she could about them before their first meeting. She only felt a moment of apprehension when she saw that it was a male. She could handle this, she was sure of that at this point. There was no difference between Missy and this Marquis Greer; they both did the same thing for a living. They simply had different hormones.

Just as she picked up her pen to start making notes from the file that had been left on her desk there was a soft knock on the door. "Come in," Claire called without looking up. She figured that it was Matt coming in to say hello but when she looked up she was surprised to see Stephen standing there.

"Can I come in?"

"I said come in didn't I?" She hated that her voice still held a hard edged tone when she spoke to the man. Surely he couldn't be such a horrible person if he was friends with Matt.

"I know you did, but I also know that you didn't know it was me. I just wanted to be sure I was welcome still." He walked slowly over and took a seat across from her. "You did a wonderful job helping with Missy's character development. I'm impressed."

"Thank you, I appreciate that. Is that why you came to see me? Do you need help with your character? If that's the reason for your visit then I'm sorry but you've come to the wrong place. All of those things have to go through Mr. Keirn."

Stephen smiled at her and said, "No that isn't why I came actually. I came because I wanted the chance to apologize for whatever it was that I might have done to make such a horrible impression on you. I'm really not a bad guy, and I know that there have been things said that came out completely wrong, but all in all I'm a really nice person. I just don't want you to have the wrong image of me totally."

Claire blinked in shock at him. "Well, okay then…"

Another knock at the door saved her from saying more and when the door began to open without her invitation to enter she knew that it was Matt. When he walked in he glanced from her to Stephen and stopped. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to interrupt anything. I can come back."

"No, its okay Matt, really, Stephen had just come to discuss something he had been wondering about for his character. We were finished."

With a look that said he didn't quite understand why she hadn't just told Matt why he was there, Stephen stood and extended his hand to her. "Yes, we were finished. Thank you Claire for your advice, you didn't have too."

"It's okay, really," she said, not meeting his eye.

He left and Matt took the chair where he had been sitting. "How are you today?"

"I'm really good thanks." Claire fell quite for a second and then said, "Matt, about last night, I don't want you doing anything that you aren't comfortable with doing. I don't want you to pretend to be something just to make your mom happy. She has to learn to love you as you are."

"I know that Claire, but if I can do this for her, if I can try then I know at least that I've done my best for her and my dad's memory. I've been thinking about last night too."

"Okay, what were you thinking?"

He took a deep breath and his head went into his hands. "Claire you are my best friend and there is nothing in this world worth losing that over, not this, not anything. I almost feel like I'm using you and that's so wrong. I shouldn't put you in that position."

"Matt, you're not using me. I honestly don't mind, I'm not going into this expecting anything at all, but still if you're using me, then I guess I'm using you too."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean? You're just saying that to make me feel better about being such a dog in this."

Shaking her head Claire said, "No, I mean it. I was just thinking of it this morning. I'm so incredibly comfortable you, in spite of the fact that you are involved in a sport, and a pretty violent one at that. I think by me helping you, I'm helping myself learn to trust again."

Matt looked up at the ceiling and then back to her. He shook his head now and gave a low laugh. "Listen to us, putting together something just to help us move on to someone else. It's insane really is what it is."

"Who says we'd be moving on to someone else? I mean if you decide that this is what you want, why would we have too?"

"So then, what is this thing we are doing?"

Smiling Claire tilted her head thoughtfully. "We're being best friends. It is what we do best."

He stood and when she stood and walked around the desk he took her in his arms. "I can't make you any promises only that no matter what goes on you will never lose my friendship. That is one promise that I know I can always keep. I can tell you this, no matter what happens, I love you in a way that no one else can."

"I understand all of that, and I don't expect any more from you that. I love you."

His head lowered to hers and his lips touched hers softly, hesitating a minute as though making sure that she was real. Pulling back he smiled. "That seems so natural with you."

Arms around his neck she pulled his head back to hers. "I guess it'd be wrong to fight it then," she said as she pressed her lips to his. She felt him pull her closer and gave a small gasp as he deepened the kiss, allowing his tongue to search hers out. It was a full two minutes before they broke apart, and then only because of a knock at the door.

"Who is it," Claire asked slightly out of breath.

"It Marquis, I was told to meet you in your office to discuss character development."

"Give me just one second; I've got someone in my office."

Matt smiled at her. "I'll see you after the show tonight. Maybe we can get dinner."

"Sounds great," Claire said as she walked him to the door opening it. "Thank you Matt for stopping in. Anytime you have an idea to run past me feel free to stop by."

With a wink he said, "Thank you for your opinions. I'm sure that I will be able to use every thing you said."

She watched for a moment as he walked away, trying not to smile. "Come on in Marquis, lets get started."

After the show Claire and Matt had dinner and then he followed her home to make sure that no one was lurking in the dark. At her door he stopped. "Well, I guess this is where I head home. I'll see you soon though."

"Okay then," she said. As he walked away she called out, "Matt, wait! Are you sure you don't want some coffee, a beer, something?"

Turning he looked at her across the yard. "Yeah, that would be nice if you're sure."

He walked back to the front door and followed her to the kitchen where she handed him a beer, and took one for herself. They headed out the back door to the patio there and sat in the cool October night. They talked about everything and anything and when he stood to leave she followed him.

"Be sure to lock the door okay," he said.

"Always do that," she smiled. "Be safe and text me when you make it home okay?"

He nodded and started to walk away. Just as she was about to close the door his hand came up to hold it open a moment longer. His free hand went around her and pulled her up close to his body. He pressed his lips to hers with a tender pressure and she could almost swear that there was a passion to the kiss. He broke away and smiled. "Goodnight Claire."

She stood speechless as he walked to his car and drove away.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23

October ended and November came in with a breath of cold air. Claire and Matt were still dating if you could call it that. They were really friends who just happened to kiss a lot. Before they knew it Thanksgiving was a week away and they were busy working out a menu for the day.

"Matt, I think I should invite Sadie. She has no family that I know of and I hate to think that anyone spends the day alone. Thanksgiving is a day that should be spent with someone."

"Then invite her over, if you think you have room. Oh, and mom said that she will definitely be here but my brother isn't going to be able to make it."

"That's too bad, but at least your mom is coming. My mom will be here on Monday, so she will help with the food preparation. Can you think of anyone who you might like to invite? Anyone who will be spending it alone," Claire asked.

"Actually, yes there is but you won't be happy with it."

"Who," she said looking at him wearily.

"Stephen. All of his family is in Ireland still. He has no one here and spends all of his holidays alone."

Claire hadn't spoken to the man since the day in her office. She swallowed hard and said, "Well, no matter who it is, no one deserves to spend the day alone. Invite him over."

"You're sure?"

"Of course I am. Invite him over and tell him he doesn't need to bring a thing, just himself."

Nodding, Matt got back to searching out recipes on the computer as Claire got back to jotting down meal ideas.

The next day Claire went to work and smiled when Sadie greeted her. "Hey Sade, what are you doing for Thanksgiving?"

Tossing her apron onto the counter Sadie shrugged her shoulders. "I guess I'll have a grilled chicken breast and watch old black and white movies at home, why?"

"Don't do that; come spend the day with all of us. My mom and Matt's will be there, and we would love having you join us."

"I couldn't do that, Thanksgiving is a day for family."

"No, Thanksgiving is a day to be thankful for all the wonderful things in our lives, to be with family and friends. We would love it if you came."

"Well, okay, but only if you guys are all sure about it," Claire's boss said reluctantly. "What can I bring?"

"You and your beautiful smile, nothing more," Claire said as she grabbed the apron and slid it over her head. Clocking in she smiled to herself. Thanksgiving and all of the people she held dear would be there together. It couldn't get any better than that.

Across town Matt was knocking on Stephen's door. "Hey man, what's going on?" Stephen asked as he opened the door for Matt to enter.

"Thought I would stop by, and I have an invitation for you."

With an eyebrow raised his friend looked at him questioningly.

"Claire and I thought it would be nice to have you join us and our moms for Thanksgiving. Her boss might be there too. I know all your family is in Ireland, and really no one should be alone on Thanksgiving."

"I take it you and Claire are officially together now huh?"

Matt looked at the big man, caught off guard by his question. Matt felt the heat creeping into his cheeks. Taking a seat in the living room and accepting the water that he was offered he said, "I guess so, but I mean it's not what you're thinking at all, it's more of a test run, to see how we both adjust to a relationship after we've been hurt so badly in the past by love."

Stephen looked at his friend and shook his head. "I guess I shouldn't really be surprised. I mean, I've known all along that there was something between you two, more than you said."

"Dude, are you alright?"

With a shrug the red headed Irishman looked at Matt. "Of course I am. Why on earth wouldn't I be? Oh, wait, I know. Because there's this woman that I can't get out of my mind, yet she won't give me the time of day just because of how I'm built. It's okay though because knowing her past, I get it, really I do. I just wish I could get her out of my mind and stop seeing her face when I close my eyes. If not that, then I want to why she's got me so hooked on her, like a bad fekking drug."

Matt ran his hands through his hair and let out a deep breath. "Man, I didn't realize how she had affected you. I'm sorry. Just give her some time. Show her that you aren't so bad, and let her see that a friendship is safe with you. Beyond that I don't know what to tell you. I guess if you don't want to join us all I understand and I totally respect that. I just hope that you will at least consider it."

Getting up and walking to look out his window Stephen said, "No, I'll be there. I wouldn't miss it. No offense to you, but any chance to be close to her I'll take. Maybe it will get her out of my system if I get shot down enough."

"She doesn't mean anything by her jabs and barbs ya know? It's her defense against the world."

Stephen laughed. "It's that Irish blood pumping through her veins is what it is. I guess that's why it doesn't hit the mark that she wants it too with me. Anyway, what do I need to bring?"

Matt stood and shook his head. "Nothing at all, just you," he said. "I guess I'm going to run. I haven't been to the gym in a few days. I need to get there today."

A week later and Claire was busy getting the house ready for everyone to arrive. Her mom was busy helping her and they were just enjoying their time together, time they had been missing out on. Matt and his mom were scheduled to be there within a half hour and Sadie and Stephen were going to be there in an hour. Claire had the house almost the way that she wanted it, with her fall decorations, complete with gourds and straw made centerpieces.

Finally ten minutes before people were scheduled to start arriving she took a step back and smiled. "I think its perfect mom."

Wrapping her arm around her daughters shoulders Darcy smiled. "It definitely is dear. I'm so very proud of you, of the way you've picked up and made a life for yourself. You're dad would have been so proud of you that he would be bursting at the seams."

"I know. I can't believe that after all the mess I let my life become I'm here."

Before her mom could answer Matt's voice rang out from the living room. "Hey there ladies, we're here!"

"We're in the kitchen," Claire called out. "Come on in!"

All week Claire's mom had adjusted to the semi-relationship between her and Matt, and Claire had filled her in on how Matt's family felt about his life and why he wanted to make this work. It was something her mom respected and understood. Introductions were made between the parents and small talk was made until the doorbell rang again. With a glance at Claire, Matt told her he would answer it. He knew that even though she had agreed to Stephen coming for the dinner, she wasn't thrilled and if he could ease her mind about it by getting the door then he would.

Before long everyone was there and they were all gathered around the table sharing what they were thankful for. Dinner past with happy chatter and Claire wasn't surprised to see that her mom and Stephen got along wonderfully. They spent the day sharing tales of Ireland and talking about the land that they loved so much. Claire smiled as she took it all in and wondered again if she was being to fast and harsh in her judgment of Stephen. She shook the thought off as she told him goodbye that night after the sun had set. Before long it was just her and her mom in the house. Both were so tired that they fell asleep with barely a word to each other.

When their parents had gone and life was back to normal, or as normal as it got, Claire and Matt fell back into an easy and familiar way of doing things. Work on the weekends was becoming more and more fun for Claire and Matt was glad for that. She was learning the ins and outs of his work and she was learning that it wasn't so bad. The people who wrestled were merely playing a role in the ring, and not all of them were so incredibly mean and hateful outside of it. Claire was just proud that she was growing in herself and in her confidence.

One Friday night, two weeks after Thanksgiving, a new client entered her office. He was tall, but then again everyone was tall beside her. His six foot one height dwarfed her it seemed. He had a dark caramel colored complexion almost, with jet black hair and amazing eyes. She found herself lost in his eyes and when he spoke there was a hint of accent that she couldn't place, no matter how hard she tried.

"Hi, I'm PJ, but the ring name is Justin." He extended his hand and smiled at her warmly. His smile was just as infectious as Matt's was and she smiled back."

"Hi PJ, come on in and have a seat. Let's see what we have going and we can take it from there, okay?"

Closing the door behind them she took her seat at the desk and they began to go over the file that would help to build on his in ring character.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

"How was work tonight," Matt asked as we climbed into the car to head to the house.

"Great, I really like this guy I'm working with now. He's sweet and reminds me a lot of you."

He raised his eyebrow and looked at Claire. "Oh really now, and just who is this guy?"

"Mhm, really now," Claire joked. "His names PJ but he wrestles as Justin Angel. I'm sure you know him. Cute, dark hair, amazing eyes and the cutest dimples when he smiles; oh and he has this accent that can make you weak in the knees. Does that ring a bell for you?"

Matt got quiet and for a minute she thought that he might actually be upset that she was joking about being attracted to another guy. "Matt, I'm kidding! I mean he is wonderful and all that but really, I don't know, he just seems… well I just don't know."

"Actually you were right about him. He is all that stuff. What were you going to say? He seems what?"

Claire shrugged her shoulders as she drove and stared straight ahead into the night. "I don't know, I guess I just got the impression that maybe he would be more interested in someone like you than me. I'm probably wrong about that though so it's nothing."

Matt laughed as they pulled into her drive way. "Actually I've thought the same thing about him. I mean as far as the eyes, smile, accent and all anyway. As far as him being more into me than you, you're right. He's probably the only one who knows about me and that's only because we can tell another one of us without saying a word."

By that time they had reached Claire's house and Matt walked her to the door. "It doesn't matter anyway. I'm changing my life around, remember?"

Placing a light kiss on his lips Claire smiled. "I know. I just wish you could see that you are just fine as you are instead of trying to be someone else. Yes, I enjoy you and I love the way it feels to kiss you, but… I just want you to truly be happy and if this isn't you then I know you can't be."

"Claire, I have to do this for my mom, and for my dad's memory. It's not about me anymore."

"So when will it be about you Matt? When everyone is gone? When will you live to make you happy?"

"Please, let's not do this okay? Look, I've got to get back to the apartment but I will see you tomorrow. I'll pick you for work at four okay?"

Closing the door and locking it up behind Matt an idea started to form in Claire's mind. She had been searching for something meaningful to do, a way to help people and to give back and finally she was starting to get a vision of just how to do that. She ran to her desk and pulled out a pen and her favorite stationary and began to jot down ideas as they came to her. She had all the money that she needed to fund this project; she would just have to put in some foot work and a lot of sacrifice. That was something that she was more than willing to do. She knew that with Christmas right around the corner that most all of the big planning would have to wait until after the New Year but she wanted to be sure that when the time came she only had to put it into action for it all to come together.

Saturday she didn't say a word to Matt about her ideas. She didn't have anything solid yet and she didn't want to let the cat out of the bag before she had a firm game plan to work with. She had a fifteen minute meeting with PJ about her ideas for his character before the matches started and by the time she was finished with him, she had completely switched gears and was back to thinking about her project.

When it was time for Matt's match she sat her pen down and headed out to the arena. She was almost there when she heard that accent that she loved coming from behind her. Turning she smiled. "Hey there PJ, are you fighting Matt tonight?"

Holding up his hands he grinned, showing his dimples. "Guilty as charged ma'am," he said. "I actually had just stopped by your office to see if you wanted to join me and a few of the guys after work for a drink. Of course Matt is welcome too, I know you guys are sort of a thing."

Claire fell into step beside him and gave him a questioning look. "A thing, what kind of a thing exactly is it you're talking about?" She grinned so that he could see she was only kidding with him.

"You know a boyfriend girlfriend thing. I guess I just had him pegged as someone different in my mind." His eyes found his feet as he took his place in what the guys called gorilla position. She would never understand that phrase! She did however understand the meaning behind the words that he had spoken.

As the ring announcer took her place Claire touched his arm. "We'd love to go out with you guys. Take it easy on him out there huh?" She turned and slipped around the curtain to find her seat with out another word.

Week after week she found herself cheering more and more during Matt's matches and she wondered when she had let go of a piece of that fear that she had coming into this job. She had to admit it felt good to be able to let go and enjoy watching her friend do what he loved doing. She couldn't say that she'd come around on the topic of men but this was a start, and she'd take it.

Once the match was over she headed toward the back to pack up her things and got ready to look for Matt. She found him at the vending machine getting a bottle of water. He handed her the one he'd just gotten and put in the money for another before speaking.

"So, what'd you think of the match?"

"It was amazing. PJ is really talented. You two play well off of each other so it made for good stuff." Taking a long drink of her water Claire said, "Oh! PJ asked if we wanted to go out with him and some of the guys tonight for a bite and a drink. I told him we would, if that's okay."

"Sounds good, I just need to go change clothes. Have you got everything ready to go?"

"I have just a few more things I need to do but yes, I'm ready." Dashing back to the office Claire took a minute or two to jot down more ideas that were burning in her brain before tossing all of her things into her bag and heading out to the hallway to meet back up with Matt.

They all met up at the local Taco Mac and took their seats. Claire grimaced when she noticed that Stephen was one of the guys who came along. True he was nice enough but she still didn't like him. She didn't know what it was; only that he was huge and muscled. Maybe, just maybe, she still held the job over his head. She knew that it was hypocritical of her to accept the others doing such a physical job and to hold it against the big man but she just couldn't stop herself.

After placing their orders she excused herself to go to the restroom. When she came out she bumped into Stephen. "It seems we keep running into each other every where we go. You ever wonder why that is?"

Rolling her eyes she pushed by him. "Not really, no. We do work for the same company and have the same friends so it's only natural that we run into each other way too often."

He grabbed her arm and spun her around. "What is it with you Claire? Or maybe I should ask what it is with me. You have given everyone else the chance to get to know them and become their friend but you can't do that with me. Why is that? Those guys out there are no different than I am."

Claire glared up at him and felt her nerves go on edge. "I don't have to give you any answers, I don't owe you anything. Maybe though, those guys out there haven't tried putting some slick moves on me every single time they get near me. I really don't know what it is. Just do me a favor and do not ever put your hands on me again." Spinning on her heels Claire turned to head back to their table.

"That guy who hurt you so bad, I'm not him Claire."

His words hit her in the heart and she kept walking unwilling to turn and face him again. The rest of the night she did her best to ignore him and not make it obvious. By the time they'd all finished eating she was exhausted with the effort. "Matt, are you about ready to head out. I'm suddenly really tired."

"Sure thing, let me just tell the guys we are going to head on out of here okay?"

She nodded and smiled. After hugging PJ and one or two others Claire took Matt's hand and they headed out the door. She was quiet on the way home and claimed that she was only tired when Matt asked if anything was bothering her. Once she was home and he had walked her in she hugged him tightly. As he headed back toward his car she called out, "Hey, you do know that you and PJ would be really damn cute right?" Before he could answer she closed the door and slid the bolts locked and then headed to bed. The week that lay ahead was going to be a busy one and she wanted to be well rested and ready to tackle it all.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25

That week was spent with Claire doing research on her project. Between her days at work and school she spent her time at the computer drawing up business plan ideas, sketches of how she envisioned it all, and making plans of all the things she was going to have to do to actually get this thing up and running. Thursday when she went into work she made sure to arrive ten minutes earlier than usual.

"Sadie, do you have a minute? I need to talk to you."

Putting the coffee pot back in its place Sadie turned and sat two cups of coffee down on the table in the back room. "Sure thing, if you'll have coffee with me while we talk."

Claire smiled nervously and sat down taking her coffee cup in her hands. "I want you to know that I love working here. It's been a wonderful experience and I wouldn't trade it for anything at all. I appreciate the opportunity that you've given me here and I'm so glad that I met you." Claire nervously took a sip of her coffee and continued. "After the New Year, I don't think I will be able to continue working here."

Sadie nodded slowly. "Okay, I can respect that. Do you mind if I ask why?"

"It's nothing bad or against you at all! Since I've been here I've been thinking about ways to make a difference in people's lives. People like me who were abused, people who are looked down on, and people who are misunderstood. I've been putting together a plan of something I'd like to do to accomplish that but I just think it's going to take up more time than I have right now. If that isn't enough notice I can stay on a bit longer, but I really think this is something I need to do."

Sadie smiled at Claire and took her hand in hers. "Claire, you've been the hardest and most dependable worker that I have ever had. I won't lie; it's going to hurt losing you. I understand what you're doing though and I think it's great. I support you one hundred and twenty percent. Anything that I can possibly help you with, I will. The only thing that I will ask of you is that you stay long enough for me to find a replacement and you train them. I'll start looking right away so you should be able to stick to your time line."

A smile broke out across Claire's face. "I can promise you that I won't go anywhere until you have someone to fill my place and I have them fully and completely trained. I knew that you would understand. Thank you so much."

The rest of the week went by in a blur and before Claire knew what had happened Christmas was only six days away. She'd agreed to have Sadie and Stephen over just as they'd done for the Thanksgiving holidays and this time PJ was being added into the festivities. Matt's mom wasn't going to be making it so Claire was sure that things would be okay having him there. Even though Matt's family wouldn't be able to make it would be a happy holiday, Claire would be sure of that.

She had to admit that she wasn't thrilled that Stephen was coming again, but at the same time she didn't believe he should be alone either. Since the night a few weeks before at Taco Mac she had done all that she could to keep her distance from him. Just his presence made her cringe and her skin crawl. She didn't know why it was, everyone else seemed to love the guy, but she just couldn't manage even the tiniest like for him.

"Hey you, can I come in?"

Claire jumped, startled at the voice coming from the doorway of her home office. Turning she saw Matt standing there with his usual grin watching her. "Hey, yeah come on in," she said shuffling her papers around so that he couldn't see what she was doing. "I didn't hear you come in."

"I'm not surprised. You looked awfully lost in your thoughts when I got to the door. Surely you're not working on your off day, and so close to Christmas at that."

"Oh, no, of course not, I was, um, just working on my Christmas lists. I still have to go shopping for gifts and the food and everything else. I've been slack this year on it all." Opening her top drawer Claire dropped the papers into it and closed it with a silent click. "So what brings you to my side of town today anyway?"

"Actually the very thing you were just working on. I needed to go to the mall and do some shopping and thought you might like to go along for the trip. I figured you hadn't done much shopping either since it seems like lately you're always so busy." His eyes found the toes of his beat up converse and he tried to hide the slight trace of hurt that clouded his eyes. "You seem to be to busy to do anything lately."

"Oh, Matt, I'm so sorry! I have been neglecting you and our friendship and I'm so very sorry! I just need ten minutes okay? I need to change clothes, fix my hair, and grab my purse and we can head to the mall okay?"

"You don't have to; I just thought that maybe you'd want to get out for awhile."

"I do," Claire said. She felt horrible for making him think that she was too busy for him. That wasn't the case at all. Hopefully he would see that soon enough. "I need to do some shopping too remember?"

"Okay then, I'll meet you in the living room." He stood and hugged me tightly and placed a light kiss on my lips. The kisses were as deeply passionate as they were a month ago, but now they held a tender promise of eternal friendship and a love you can only know when you aren't in a relationship. Smiling Claire headed to change.

Five hours later…

"I still can't believe that you remembered everything you wanted to get people when you left your lists at home. That's amazing to me."

Laughing Claire said, "It's not like I had so many people to buy for. I mean there were mom, my grandparents, Sadie, PJ, and Stephen. That was all I had to get and gift cards covered some of those. That definitely made it easier."

Matt was carrying the bags for her, always the gentleman, and when they arrived back to her house he helped her in the house with her things. "So, do you feel like a movie or something? A walk on the beach maybe?"

"Oh Matt I don't know. I think I should really get to doing a little work."

He ran a hand through his hair roughly, leaving it standing up in short spikes all over. "Alright Claire, I want to know what is going on. You're hiding something and I know it. I wish you would just talk to me about it! Why is Sadie looking for help?"

Claire's head jerked up and she stared at him. "What are you talking about?"

"There was a help wanted sign in the window when I stopped in this morning for coffee. I don't get why you're trying so hard to hide whatever this is, but I hate it. Are you moving back to Louisiana? Is that it?"

He looked so incredibly sad at the thought that Claire was possibly leaving Tampa that she reached her hand out to him. He pulled away, not allowing the contact, and she glanced down to the floor. A tear slid down her face, the knowledge that she was inadvertently hurting her best friend breaking her heart.

"So I was right, you are going back? Please dear God Claire tell me you're not going back to him."

Her head snapped up and she said, "NO! I mean, no I'm not going back at all. I'm staying right here in Tampa. I just… well… oh hell come here." She walked off toward her home office and took a seat at her desk, pulling a chair up beside of her for him to sit in. She reached into the drawer and pulled out two folders and the papers she had been working on when he had come in hours before. "This is what I'm doing these days. This is why Sadie is looking for help."

"What, your Christmas lists? I don't get it."

"Just sit down and I will explain." He took the chair she had pulled up and she pulled the main folder to the top of the pile.

"Project Restore and Renew," he said, "I don't understand still."

"Since I've been here I've felt like I needed to do something to make a difference in people's lives. I been searching for a way to do that and a few weeks ago I found it. I've been busting my ass to get the wheels in motion and to make it happen."

"So, what exactly is this project all about?"

With a deep breath Claire felt her nerves go haywire. She had never voiced out loud all that she was about to tell Matt. Not to anyone at all, not even herself. Having it all on paper and saying it were two different things. "Well, it's going to be about restoring and renewing lives of people from all different backgrounds. I want to start an agency and a shelter to help people who need it. The agency I want to be a counseling center, education center, and a healing place all in one."

His face filled with admiration and he smiled slowly. "So you're starting a place for women who've been through what you have, and who are still going through it? That's incredible and I think it's a wonderful thing."

"Not just women like me," Claire said shaking her head. "It's going to be a place with many departments working to achieve a common cause. I want one department for those women out there who are like me. The ones who've left and survived, but I think that the women who are still going through it need a different kind of approach. I want something just for them. I want something for the children who are abused, the teenagers who are struggling with addictions, teenage pregnancy, and the whole nine. Then," she looked down then, suddenly unsure. "Well then I want one department to focus on the issues of the gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgendered population. I want them to be able to have a place to go where they are accepted, loved, and made to feel like they really and truly belong. I want something to help those who can't deal with who they are deal. I want to have a branch of that department for the families of those people then a branch for the families who can't accept their loved ones, to educate them and get them to see what they are missing out on."

He was quiet and she watched as tears pooled I his eyes, breaking through the dam of lashes to roll down his cheeks. She waited for him to speak and before he could she began again. "I don't want you to think that I'm going to tell everyone that you… well I mean I would never betray your secret and I hope you know that. I know it seems like a lot to take on but I think I can do it. No, I know I can do it and …"

"Claire, if anyone can do it it's you. I'm not worried about you telling everyone that I'm gay, I know you better than that. It's just that, well in a way I feel like you're doing it to help me. No one has ever cared so much before and I love you more for it."

Throwing her arms around his neck she hugged him and smiled. "I'm glad that you aren't upset about it all."

"Why on earth would I be upset about you helping all those people? So, tell me, have you looked into any office spaces or anything?"

Laughing at his changing of topic she shook her head. "I've looked at a few places here and there that I really like but I've not met with a realtor yet. I'm saving all that for after the first of the year. Here let me show you what I've got done so far." She pulled out the papers from the folder and the two got lost in her plans for the future.


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter26

Christmas day was dawned bright and cheerful. Claire woke with a smile and showered quickly before heading down to her kitchen to begin preparing her portion of that day's meal. She was ready for her friends and family to arrive, even though she knew that they wouldn't for another three and a half hours, but she was ready none the less.

With Christmas music playing throughout the house and her trees, yes trees; she had three in various locations, all lit and shining brightly Claire danced around her kitchen as she started the banana pudding. Christmas had always been her favorite holiday and it brought out the best in her it seemed. This would be her first Christmas in ages that she wouldn't be married and the thought filled her with more happiness than she thought it should. She continued to dance around as she sliced the bananas and lined the pan with the cookies, the radio blaring carols and her singing along.

Matt stood at the doorway to the kitchen watching Claire dancing around as she cooked and prepared the food. He couldn't fight the smile the crept across his face. She was so incredibly cute; even a man like him had to admit that she was quite the sight to look at. She was going to make the right man very happy one day he thought to himself as the song ended.

"Do you always give performances like that on Christmas day?"

Claire spun around and gave a short squeal. "Oh my heavens Matt, you scared me! I didn't hear you come in."

Walking into the kitchen he kissed her head and grinned down at her. "I'm not surprised seeing as how you were in rock star mode."

"Oh yeah, and the fact that you're an hour and a half early had nothing to do with it at all!"

"I can leave and come back if you'd like," he teased.

Swatting at his butt with a dish towel Claire laughed. "That would be pointless since you're already here. Sit your things down on the counter there."

He did as he was told and took a seat at the table. "So are you going to tell everyone else about your big plans today or are you still waiting?"

"I think I'm waiting still. I just want to have things a bit more solid and concrete first. At least have a space rented out or something. I like your idea though of starting small then expanding with the different departments."

"Have you given any thought to which departments you're going to start up first?"

Checking on the meal in the oven Claire turned and smiled at him as she took her seat beside him. "I have, yes. It's still going to be a big deal but I've narrowed it down none the less. I'm definitely starting with the women's shelter and outreach. It's too close to home not too. That will come with the center for counseling for those women and for any children that they might have too. Then the center for gay awareness is starting too. It's important to me to do that. The rest can all come later."

They were lost in talks of the center and what kind of space that Claire would ideally love to get when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it," Matt said.

Claire stood to get the food from the oven and to start getting plates down for the meal when she heard Matt greet PJ warmly. She smiled thinking that there was so much possibility between the two if only they could see it. She smiled warmly as they entered the kitchen together.

Matt caught her face and shook his head at her. "Claire, don't even go there."

Looking properly ashamed Claire lowered her gaze. "I'm sorry PJ I was going to hug you and tell you Merry Christmas but I guess I can't now." Unable to hold it in, she burst out laughing as she went to him and wrapped her arms around his trim and muscular waist in a hug.

"It smells wonderful in here Claire," PJ said. "Thank you again for having me. It means a lot really."

"It's no problem at all. I'm glad you could make it."

After that people started arriving regularly and soon everyone was there. They all enjoyed a wonderful meal and then headed into the living room to open gifts. The day passed in a mass of smiles, laughter and chatter. It was one of the best Christmas's that Claire could remember. Even when everyone had gone except Matt and PJ she was smiling and living on a high from the day

When PJ got up and headed out onto the back deck Matt hugged her. "Did you notice that I didn't give you your gift this afternoon?"

"Mhm I did, but you don't have to get me anything so it's okay. You're friendship is enough for me."

He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a gift wrapped in a beautiful silver foil paper. "Maybe so, but I got you this anyway. I just wanted to be able to give it to you alone."

"Matt, you really didn't have to." Claire pulled at the tape on the paper carefully and felt her heart swell with affection for the man in front of her. A jewelers box in that tell-tell Tiffany blue was in her hands. "Oh Matt, really, you shouldn't have."

"You don't even know what it is yet. Open it up."

Carefully taking the lid off the box Claire's eyes filled with tears. Inside on the soft bed of velvet laid a platinum pendant in a solid circle. Her initials were engraved on the front and she gentle lifted it out of the box. "Matt, it's beautiful. Really it is, and you really didn't have to but I love it! It's simple and elegant and so classy. Thank you."

"Turn it over."

Gently flipping the pendant over Claire saw more wording. She whispered the words as she read them. "To the best friend I've ever known. I love you." Wiping at her eyes she smiled up at him. "I love you too."

He hugged her and kissed her temple. "I mean it. You are the best friend I have ever had, and I'm so incredibly thankful for you."

She nodded as she wiped at more tears. "Go on out on the deck with PJ and I'll be right out. I just want to get the dishes put away."

She watched as he walked out and she gently held the necklace in her hands and smiled. After a minute she put it on and smiled again. It was the most heartfelt thing she had ever been given. Quickly putting the dishes away she headed to the deck but stopped just inside the door. Matt and PJ were lost in a deep conversation and both were smiling She could have sworn that they were holding hands too. Just as she was about to open the sliding glass doors to go out and join them PJ leaned over kissed Matt. Claire smiled and went back to the fridge to grab three bottles of water before heading out.

"Hey guys, sorry it took so long. There were more dishes than I thought. I brought us all water though. It's a beautiful night isn't it?"

Matt grinned at her like a kid and shook his head. "It is."

They sat outside talking for an hour or so before the guys stood to leave. She saw them out the door and as they headed to their cars their hands were linked. Claire was so happy that they were finding their way to each other and she couldn't hide her smile. Back inside she sent Matt a quick text that simply said, "I told you that you two would be cute. I'm so happy for you. I love you." Then she climbed the stairs and climbed into bed after changing into her night gown. She was asleep in minutes.


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27

Time seemed to fly by and before Claire knew it they were ringing in the New Year. She was once again with all of her closest friends and she couldn't have been happier. She'd be lying if she said that it sucked a little that at midnight she had no one to kiss but at least she wasn't alone. Sadie was alone as well, and then there was Stephen. There was no way in hell she'd be kissing him at any point in time! Matt ended up planting a kiss on her at a minute past midnight when he reappeared from where ever he'd been, although she could bet that's where she'd find PJ too. At least he had gotten his New Year kiss. Yet he still thought of her. She really didn't deserve a friend like him but she was glad that she'd been blessed with him.

The night wore on and she ended up falling asleep at Matt's apartment, where they'd had the party. When she woke up the next morning she discovered that Sadie had ended up sleeping there too. At least she wasn't the only one who'd crashed out in the living room. She got up off the couch and headed to the kitchen to start the coffee pot and search for breakfast. PJ walked in the kitchen behind her with a smile on his face.

"Morning Claire," he said sleepily.

"Oh my lord, I don't want to know. Good morning."

He laughed and poured two glass of orange juice. "I'm sure your imagination is better than the reality although it was a wonderful night."

He laughed at the look on her face as he took the glasses and headed back to the bedroom. Claire shook her head and smiled. An hour later they were all having breakfast and coffee and nursing hang overs.

At five o'clock that afternoon Claire headed home. The sun was setting and it was a beautiful night. She was planning in her head all that she was going to be doing that week on her awareness center when she climbed out of the car and headed into her house. She thought that something was off as she headed to her office but didn't lend it much thought since her mind was full of her project. In the hallway just outside of the kitchen she stopped and felt chills run down her arms and back. Her blood ran cold and she hesitated only a moment before turning to run for her front door. She didn't know what had her so terrified but there was something there.

Just as she reached the front door a large hand covered the door knob and turned the lock. The clicking of the lock was like a bomb in the silence. Her eye widened and every nightmare that she'd thought she had long since out run came to life.

"Did you really think I'd give up so easy? Surely you know me better than that Claire. After all we were married for years."

Claire fought off the scream bubbling in her throat and felt her purse drop to the floor. Terror seized her heart and she felt a horrible sense of finality come over her. It was a feeling she had never before experienced. It terrified her even more. "Logan," she whispered, "please, don't do this. Not again, please."

His hands, larger and rougher than she remembered, wrapped around her wrists and squeezed tightly. "Oh Claire, please don't beg. It's not attractive on you. Wait, does you're new little boyfriend like it when you beg? Is that it? Well I don't!"

"I'm sorry Logan. Just please don't do this."

The back of his hand connected with her cheek and she gasped in a stunned shock. "What part of do not beg me did you not understand? All this school and working and such you would think would be making you smarter but it looks like you're as dumb as ever! Wasting my hard earned money that way, it's a shame."

"What do you want Logan? Just tell me."

"I want my wife to come home and remember what it is to be a damn wife!"

"I'm not your wife anymore. The divorce was final months ago. You know that."

He jerked her over to the couch and threw down angrily. "Shut the hell up right now you stupid bitch! That damn divorce meant nothing. Do you not remember our wedding vows? Til DEATH do us part Claire, that's what you said! In case you haven't noticed you're still alive."

Her eyes widened in fear, her sense of finality growing more with each passing second. "You're insane Logan. You need help."

His hand came down hard on her mouth. "Oh no dear, you've got it all wrong. You are the one who needs the help." He grabbed her hair and jerked her to her feet. She bit her lip against the pain, determined to not give him the satisfaction of hearing her cry out in pain. His free hand found her throat and she gasped for air, scared that he was about to choke the life out of her. "Don't worry bitch, it won't be over so easily."

Tears silently poured down her face and she wished that Matt or someone would show up and save her, but she knew it wasn't going to happen. This would be it for her. His hand found the pendant she wore every day and he took it in his fingers. "How sweet is this? He loves you huh? Then where the hell is he? Shouldn't he be here to save you if he cares so much?" In one swift motion he ripped the necklace from her neck and threw it across the room.

"NO!" She yelled as she broke down into hard, gut wrenching sobs. She began to struggle to break free from his grasp and she looked up and saw him smirking down at her.

"Go on, struggle, and put up a fight. You won't win. You won't ever win again." He drug her into the kitchen by her hair and slammed her down into a chair at the table. "Do not move you fucking ungrateful whore."

She sat there, frozen by her fear. What was he going to do to her? She was afraid to find out but knew that she was about too. Her eyes wondered to her knife block and she thought that if she could just get there she'd have some hope of surviving. She lunged without thinking and grabbed for what she hoped would be a large butcher knife. When she pulled a small steak knife the tears came even harder. Damn it, she really couldn't win. She would use what she had though and go down with a fight.

At the sound of her banging in to the counter Logan spun from the stove and the boiling water that she had just noticed. Fury filled his eyes. "Now Claire, here I am about to fix you a nice cup of hot tea and you go and do this. I guess we can forget the tea huh? Now give me the knife."

She lunged at him and tried to sink the blade into the general area of his chest. His hand snapped out, grabbing her wrist, causing the knife to fall from her hands. It clattered to the kitchen floor noisily. She watched as he bent to pick it up. "Really now, what was this puny little thing going to do?" Roughly he turned her to the wooden block holding the knives and he pulled out a larger blade and held it up to her face. "See now this is the kind of knife you should have gotten if you wanted to hurt someone. This would bring the pain. Of course you never wanted to hurt me did you darling? No I didn't think so." He looked at her with a crazed look in his eyes and smiled the smile of the devil himself. "What's the matter? Cat steal your tongue from you?"

A whimper escaped her lips and she replayed her life over in her mind. She had yet to accomplish so many things. Things she would never be able to see happen. She felt her mind slip away, taking her to a place where she wouldn't feel the pain she was bound to endure and she knew it wasn't a good thing. It meant that she was giving up; giving into him and the hate he was so filled with. When his fist connected with her ribs she barely felt it, even though the force of the blow had her doubled over and coughing. Two more sharp blows to her rib cage and she was spitting up blood. Yes, she thought. This was it.

The tip of the knife made contact with her skin over and over and she felt the blood running down her face, her arms, chest, even her legs. The beating continued and the blade of the knife kept finding its way into her skin, some places deeper than others as he played with her, toyed with her life. As it went on she lost more blood and began to feel light headed and weak. Please God, let this be over soon. I'm ready, she thought.

Roughly she was dragged up the stairs to her room. Throwing her onto the bed she groaned rolling onto her side. She heard his words but they didn't register as he jerked her onto her back, ripping her clothes off of her. She knew what was going to happen, even though she didn't see him strip down. He was going to rape her, once again, this time at knife point. As he brutally tortured her he continued to poke her skin with the blade until she thought she couldn't take one more poke. In the end she didn't know if it was pain or the loss of blood that sent her into a dark oblivion, free of feelings and life.

"Stephen look I know you're probably busy but I'm not quite back into town yet and I'm worried about Claire. I've tried calling her but she isn't answering and that isn't like her. Can you please go over and check on her?"

"She hates me, why on earth would she let me in to check on her?"

"Just do it okay, something doesn't feel right."

"Alright, I'm on the way there now."

Ending the call Stephen tossed the cell phone into the passenger seat of his car and made a u-turn to head to Claire's house. He pulled up and noticed that her car was there and he went to the door and rang the bell. No answer so he rang again waiting. After five minutes he called Matt.

"Look I'm here. I rang the bell and waited twice, she isn't answering. She's home so she's probably asleep."

Fear gripped Matt's heart. "No, something's not right. I know it. Go around back and see if you can get in. I just got into the city limits. Call me when you see her."

Shaking his head Stephen walked around to the back of the house and knocked on the sliding glass doors of Claire's patio. When there was no answer he turned to go. Something on the kitchen floor caught his attention, making him turn back. It looked like blood but surely he was wrong. Then again, if he wasn't she might need help. What if she cut herself cooking or something?

Trying the back door he was surprised when it slid open easily. He was even more shocked at the site that greeted him when he stepped inside. The metallic scent of blood filled his nostrils and he almost gagged on it. The sight of the blood stained carpet and the puddles on the kitchen floor sent his heart into his throat. This wasn't good. The trail of bright red blood led out of the kitchen and up the stairs but he was almost afraid to follow the trail. This was the woman who had stolen his heart months before and she had obviously been attacked. This was no cooking accident.

Claire was in and out it seemed and she swore she heard her dad calling her name. It was time for her to go. She always knew when her time came it would be him who called her home. Her head was heavy and she let it fall to the side as she closed her eyes savoring the darkness she found.

"Matt, man you have to come fast. Break some damn speed limits!"

"What is going on Stephen? Is she okay?"

The big Irishman choked on tears as he said, "No, no she's not. I think she might be dead."


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28

Matt slammed on the brakes in the car causing him and PJ to jerk forward roughly. "What the hell do you mean by that?" He listened for a minute then he said, "We will be there in ten minutes. DON'T LEAVE HER! Not for anything at all."

"Man, listen, just be prepared, there's a lot of blood. More than I've ever seen at one time in one place."

Hanging up Matt banged his head on the steering wheel. "Son of bitch," he screamed as tears began to pour down his face. "PJ you have to drive and you have to get us to Claire fast. Break speed limits, if a cop gets on your tail, keep going. Don't stop til we are there okay?"

As the two changed seats PJ looked at Matt and put his hand on his knee. "What's going on Matt?"

Choking on his sobs Matt stared out the window. "Stephen thinks she may be dead. Her bastard ex husband better pray to God she isn't."

"Fuck," PJ muttered as he gunned the engine.

What should have been a fifteen minute ride took five and Matt and PJ pulled in just as the distant sound of sirens sounded to the east. Matt started to rush around to the back door and PJ grabbed him by the arm. "Why not just use your key and go in the front door Matt?"

Shaking his head, tears still running down his face in rivers, Matt said, "I just thought since Stephen went in the back that we should so we disturb less of the house in case it's a crime scene or something."

"Good point, but if he saw all of the… well, the mess, then it's likely in the kitchen. We don't want to add to the footprints or anything. Get your key out and let's go this way." PJ didn't tell Matt that he really just wanted to protect him in case the kitchen was a bloody mess as Stephen had implied. He knew how close Matt was to Claire and he knew that this was already killing the man he was growing to love. That hurt him alone, and then he hurt for whatever had happened to Claire on top of it all.

Heaving a heavy sigh off his chest Matt took the keys and opened the front door slowly, afraid of what he was about to see. Just as he went to step inside the sirens got louder as they turned onto the street and he wondered what on earth had taken them so long to arrive. Didn't they know that his best friend was in trouble?

As Matt eased into the living room he was assaulted by the scent of something metallic and it turned his stomach. One glance toward the kitchen and he was on his knees, his whole body shaking with gut wrenching sobs. PJ walked in behind him and saw the state of the kitchen and the stairway leading to the bedrooms and dropped down next to Matt. He wrapped his arms around his shoulders and pressed his lips to the top of his head.

"Come on, let's get upstairs and find them. We have to see her and be sure she's still with us." PJ was fighting his own tears now and swallowed hard to fight them off. He needed to be strong for the other two men in this house right now. He knew that they both loved Claire in their own ways and this was hell on them all.

Matt clung to PJ for a minute sobbing into his shoulder. "How can she survive when she's already lost that much blood? She can't die. She can't," he cried.

"She won't, she's stronger than that and you know it! Now let's get up there with her before the paramedics won't let you."

They stood and climbed the stairs, Matt crying the whole way as each step was stained blood red. At the top of the stairs he headed straight to her room and nearly lost it at the sight he saw. Stephen was sitting on the bed, holding her lifeless hand in his. His shoulders were shaking as he cried softly speaking to her in a language that Matt couldn't understand. He hated to interrupt but he had to say something.

He moved his lips, no words came out. He could have sworn he was speaking. He tried again with the same results. The third time he opened his mouth to speak his voice was a whisper. "Is she…"

Stephen didn't turn his eyes from the limp and fragile woman on the bed when he said, "There's a pulse, but I don't know how much longer it's going to keep her going. It's barely there now."

"The paramedics are here. They are headed up the stairs now with the equipment." PJ spoke softly from the doorway.

Stephen slowly stood. "Matt, stay with her. I guess I'll have to talk to the police. She'd want you here anyway, not me." Wiping his eyes the big man walked out of the door and headed down the stairs. PJ quietly followed.

Matt sat on the edge of Claire's bed, something he'd done so many times before, only this time he was afraid he'd never do it again. He took her hand in his and fought the urge to wipe her face clean. "Claire, I love you. Please hold on and be strong okay? You have big plans, plans to help keep this from happening to anyone else. It was him wasn't it, Claire?"

"Sir we're going to need you to move out of the way so that we can get to her."

Matt stood slowly not wanting to break his connection to his friend. He walked to the corner of the room and stood silent as the tears continued to wash his cheeks. How did he have anything left in him to cry? His heart was shattered at the sight and the thought that this might be the end.

The paramedics were talking to each other, hushed tones, and urgent tones. She had a pulse, but it was weak and she'd lost far too much blood. Matt could have told them that. Why didn't they just get her in the ambulance and to the hospital and save her? They were finally moving her onto a stretcher and they had a bag of oxygen over her mouth. One of them was speaking to him but he wasn't making out the words.

"Sir, I need you to talk to me. Do you know who did this to her?"

Matt's head snapped to look at the man speaking. "You're damned right I do. Why don't you let the police know that they better find her son of a bitch ex husband before I do? Logan Maxwell," Matt said before taking off after the stretcher.

Claire could hear people talking and she was feeling a pain that she couldn't explain. It was the worst thing she had ever felt in her life, and she'd been through hell so she knew it was bad. Her body felt like it was on fire. Why did she still feel things? You weren't supposed to feel pain in heaven, so maybe she really had gone to hell as Logan had wished. No, that was a place for people like him. She wouldn't have gone to hell, would she? That could only mean that she wasn't dead. That thought hit her hard. The pain immediately tripled in its intensity and she knew undoubtedly that she was alive. Why God, she thought, why can't you just take me home and end this horrible pain? I can' do this I'm not strong enough. She heard no answer in response just the muted voices all around her. She sensed brightness but knew it wasn't the brightness she sought. Maybe someone had found her and she was in the hospital. That had to be it.

She couldn't move her body hurt so bad. She wanted to open her eyes, make her throat form the words to tell them she was in pain, so much pain that she could barely breath. Nothing worked on her body it seemed. She couldn't tell them she was dying inside and it was okay, that she was ready to go. She couldn't tell them that if she had to stay she needed pain medications. She couldn't tell them to call her mom and Matt. She couldn't save herself, not even if she wanted too.


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29

Two weeks later Matt was back at work, but his mind wasn't in it at all. He hated that because he knew it increased the risk for injuries but he really didn't care. His best friend was laying in a hospital bed in a coma, swelling in her brain and a healing punctured lung. Those were the big things. All the knife wounds were healing up wonderfully and the doctors said that ninety percent of them won't leave scars. What the doctor couldn't figure out was why she was in the coma. According to him she should be awake and talking and getting better daily. That told Matt that maybe, just maybe, she was giving up. She'd taken one beating too many and she no longer had hope for a life that would be free of the abuse. Logan was a nightmare that wouldn't go away.

At the thought of Claire's ex husband Matt felt his muscles all clench up in anger. He had never thought he could truly hate someone, but he hated this man he'd never even laid eyes on with all he had in him. He was lost in his thoughts when a knock sounded on his locker room door.

"Matt," Steve Keirn poked his head in and said, "Can I come in a minute?"

"You're the boss so I guess that means you can go and do whatever you want to." Matt didn't mean to snap at the older man, but his mind was still on other things.

"Matt, I know this is hard for you, I see how close you and Claire have gotten. She's like a daughter to me too. I just want you to know that if you're not ready to get in the ring I understand. You don't have to."

Matt tore at the wrist tape with his teeth and patted it down smooth on his arm. "Yes, I do have to get in the ring. It's what I do. I'm going stir crazy not in there. Besides, it'll give me a place to take out my anger."

"Listen to me," Mr. Keirn said. "I know that you need a place to deal with your anger but just remember that those guys out there didn't do this to her. You didn't do this to her either. Don't let yourself or someone else get hurt because you're not focused. You've got tonight. If I think you are not full on out there, you're pulled from shows until I say different. Are we clear on that?"

Matt glared at him, trying his best not to let his temper get the best of him, knowing that every word was the truth. As he brushed past the older man on his way to gorilla position he muttered, "Crystal fucking clear."

That night the show went off without a single issue. Matt somehow managed to contain his thoughts so that he could focus on the match and not getting any one hurt, but he had never been so thankful to hear the three count followed by a bell. Before he was even through the curtains good he was ripping off his tape and arm bands. He had planned to change clothes and head back to the hospital to sit with Claire. He didn't know if she knew that he was there but he did, and for him that was what mattered right then.

"Matt, wait up," he heard from behind him. He stopped walking but didn't stop unwinding the tape that had bound his wrists.

"Matt, I've been calling you for the past week. I've been worried about you."

"PJ, not here, this isn't the place for this discussion. I'm fine, just been at the hospital with Claire and dealing with a lot of stuff. I'm sorry."

PJ stepped in front of Matt when he tried to walk away and held his hands up. "When exactly would be a good time for you? You never answer your phone, you're always at the hospital, it's like you stopped living when Claire was attacked. We all love her and care about her but you have to live still. It's not healthy for you to always be sitting there at the hospital."

Matt slowly raised his head to look at the man who he'd grown so attached to. "You have no idea what kind of a relationship Claire and I have; the things we've been through. Don't talk to me like you know her. Now, if you'd move out of my way, I've got to get changed." Matt roughly pushed by PJ and headed on to his locker room.

"You sitting there won't bring her back if she doesn't want to come back ya know," PJ called out. The only answer he received was a middle finger high in the air.

Matt changed clothes in record time and allowed his mind to register that Stephen had yet to come back to work. He'd taken up counseling Matt knew, and was having a hell of a time dealing with what happened. He'd been to the hospital twice in the two weeks since the attack but Matt understood. He grabbed his cell phone to let Claire's mom know he was on his way then grabbed his bag, slinging it over his shoulder before walking out of the locker room.

The sound of PJ calling his name once again stopped him. He turned and struggled to keep his cool. "PJ we aren't talking about this here or anywhere else right now. I've got to go."

"I was going to tell you that there is a guy out in the parking lot waiting on you. He said he was a big fan and wanted a quick autograph and picture. Ya might think about putting on smile, at least for those few minutes to give the fans what they want." He turned and walked the other way without another word.

Matt rubbed his head roughly and thought that he had to do something about his rage that was built up inside of him. He turned and focused on happy thoughts, as happy as he could, as he headed out to the parking area. He glanced around the area and didn't notice anyone waiting so he headed to his car. Opening the trunk he tossed in his bag and then headed to the driver's seat. Just as he was about to climb behind the wheel he heard a voice from behind him.

"Evan, great job tonight," came from over his right shoulder.

Matt turned prepared to extend his hand to the fan. As he did he felt his gut tighten and a rage like nothing he'd felt before wash over him.

"It is alright if I call you Evan, right? Or should I call you Matt like Claire does."

"You filthy son of a bitch, you've got a lot of nerve showing your face around here. You are a sick, demented bastard."

"Is that any way to talk to a real big fan? I mean I can't see how in the world you have fans when you treat them so poorly. Of course I guess you save all the good stuff for Claire huh? How is she anyway?"

Without a second thought Matt swung, his fist connecting with Logan's chin a satisfying crunch beneath his fist. Logan went down to one knee and Matt was on him, punch after punch landing in the man's face. With every blow he ticked off another injury that Claire had sustained at the hands of this monster. When Logan was flat on the ground Matt let his foot connect with ribs. He heard nothing and saw nothing but red.

After a minute voices began to break through the rage calling his name. Matt felt hands on his arms pulling him back. "Let me go! I won't kill him but damn it the bastard sure as hell will wish he was dead."

Logan was groaning and holding his ribs, a sick and twisted smile on his face. Matt spit at him as he was pulled back. He turned to who ever it was that had pulled him away and found himself looking into the eyes of Mr. Keirn. Matt straightened his shirt and headed back to his car. "I've got to go."

"How about you stop and let me know what the hell is going on here before I have to go inside and call the cops."

Spinning furiously Matt said, "You wanna know what's going on? That piece of shit you just pulled me off of is Claire's ex husband. He's the reason she's in a hospital bed in a damn coma right now. That son of a bitch is the reason she might not make it." Matt choked out the last words as his tears fell freely. He let his head fall to the roof of his car and let angry tears fall with no concern to who might see. He cried for the unfairness of it all and for Claire. After a minute he looked up at the older man who stood wordlessly by. "I know you have to call this in. I also know that I'm probably facing jail time. I can live with that though. Tell the cops if they want me I'll be at the hospital with the real victim." He climbed in his car and left.


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30

As Matt drove to the hospital his hand began to throb and he looked at the steering wheel where it rested. Even in the dark he could see the bruises starting to form and he could tell it was swollen. "Shit," he muttered. Maybe it hadn't been Logan's jaw that he'd felt crack after all. He pulled into the parking lot and found a spot then jogged his way into the lobby and to the elevators. His mind was racing with thoughts of jail time for the beating he'd put on Claire's ex and he couldn't feel bad at all. No matter what happened, for him it was all worth it.

He quietly walked into Claire's room, hoping that there had been some change in her condition, but in his heart he knew that it hadn't. Her mom smiled weakly when she saw him and rose to meet him. She wrapped her arms around him in a tight hug and kissed his cheek.

"How is she," he asked, walking to the bedside.

"There's been no change. The doctors still can't figure out why she's in this coma that she seems to have fallen into." The older woman heaved a great sigh as though she was carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders. Her eyes landed on Matt's bruised and swollen hand and she gasped. "Matthew! What have you done to your hand? You need to have a doctor look at it."

He glanced down at the hand and shrugged it off. "Its fine, I just banged it up at work I guess." He tried not to notice the throbbing that had set into the bones. He lowered himself into the chair at the head of the bed and sighed. He really should let Claire's mom know what happened. If the cops came looking for him she'd find out anyway. It'd be better coming from him. "No, that's not entirely true. I ended up in a fight after work."

"I hope the other guy looks worse than that hand of yours."

"I hope so too, since I didn't get a good look at him before I left."

He felt Darcy watching him, almost as if she was waiting on more. Then she said, "Well, whatever he did, I'm sure it was something big if it caused you to fight."

Matt shook his head then rested it in his hands. "You could say that. Look, Darcy, I want to be honest with you because frankly I don't know if the cops will come looking for me or not. Logan showed up at the arena. I realized who it was and just started swinging on him. I didn't even know what I was doing I don't think. I just saw red and lost it."

Darcy sat silent and Matt thought that surely she was angry, or upset with him. Hell he would be too had it been anyone else. "Darcy, I know it wasn't the smartest thing I've ever done and for that I am sorry. But then I look at Claire and I see what he's done to her… and I just think that no matter what he gets it's not going to be enough." Matt signed and lowered his head to rest at Claire's bedside. "I'm not a violent person. Tonight it was like someone else and I was watching it from a distance."

Darcy reached out and rubbed her hand over Matt's back, watching him as the reality of the night set in, settling on his shoulders. She truly felt for him, more so because she understood where he was coming from than anything. She was fairly certain if she'd been given the opportunity to put a beating on Logan that she would have taken it too. His heart had been in the right place that was certain.

A knock sounded on the door and Matt's head jerked up knowing it was going to be the cops looking for him. The door eased opened quietly and two uniformed officers stepped in. Holding up a badge the shorter of the two spoke, "I'm Officer Daniels, this is my partner Officer Talent. We need to ask you all a few questions." He kept his voice low, a sign of respect to Claire's condition. That was nice gesture he thought and felt it would help the two in the room more be a bit more comfortable talking to him.

Matt sat where he was and kept his eyes focused on his best friend. "Officer let me save you some time. I did it. I was totally unprovoked, unless you can count this," he lifted his hand toward Claire on the bed, "as provocation."

The officer hung his head, knowing that if it was his family or friend in the hospital bed, with the injuries and outlook that this girl had, it would be provocation enough. He couldn't do his job based on feelings though, it had to be done based on the law. "Sir, no matter what I think or what I would have done in your shoes, I have to go by the law. Can you step outside and let us ask you some questions?"

"You can ask me right here. Claire's mom knows the story and Claire, well I really don't know what she hears, but if she can hear me I want her to know the truth."

The officer nodded as his partner stood silent in the corner. The questions came for half an hour and Matt answered them all honestly. When the officer had finished Matt said quietly, "Why wasn't he arrested when he did this to her?"

The second officer finally spoke, "Sir we can't discuss the details with anyone outside of the immediate family."

"Then tell me why you didn't arrest him. She's my daughter, so I guess it doesn't get any more immediate than that." Matt turned his head to smile at Darcy. In truth he'd forgotten that she'd been in the room.

The quiet officer had the good sense to look sheepish. "Ma'am we have been working on the case. We had all of the reports and files in order, but we were unable to find him until now. You can't arrest someone you can't find."

"So what in the hell do we pay you people for? To make your excuses on not being able to find someone, to sit and wonder how it's all going with no updates at all, is that it? Did you ever think to call in other jurisdictions?"

"Yes ma'am and we did that. We had counties all over Florida searching for him."

Matt spoke then, "So in all your reports you never figured out he lives in Louisiana and that maybe, just maybe Florida wasn't the best place to look?"

The two officers let it drop, there was no argument that they could offer. The officers stood quietly for a full minute before Matt stood and leaned down, placing a kiss on Claire's forehead. "I love you Claire, and you're going to pull through this, I know it. I'm sorry about tonight. Please don't hold it against me." He straightened and turned to the officers blinking back his tears. "So officers are you going to arrest me or are we going to talk all night long?"

The tall one who had conducted the interrogation earlier cleared his throat. "Mr. Maxwell has told us that he was not going to be pressing charges. We aren't sure why, but we have to respect his decision. However, we still have to take you in according to the law."

"Then lets go," Matt said with one last squeeze to Claire's hand.

"Matt, you let us know what's going on. If you need bail I will have it."

"Thank you Darcy."

The officer's waited until they were at the car to read the rights to Matt and he was grateful that they didn't cuff him and did their best to keep the humiliation level low. Tonight was bound to be a long night, Matt thought as the police cruiser headed toward the station.


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31

A day later Matt was out of jail, Logan was in jail, and Claire was still in the hospital. Matt had made his way back to her room, his hand casted for the minor fractures he'd cause himself. He walked in hoping as he always did for a change in Claire's condition and as always there was none. He took his seat at her bedside, took her hand in his, and as he hung his head he did something he hadn't done in years. He prayed, from his heart, like there would be no tomorrow if he didn't pray with all he had.

When he was certain there were no more words to say and no more tears to cry his imagination began to get away with him. He could have sworn that he had felt Claire move her hand in his. He raised his head up slowly and stared at the point of contact between his hand and hers. He watched for any sign of movement to tell him that he hadn't imagined her fingers squeezing and releasing his hand. Finally after a minute she did it again. More obviously this time with one big squeeze before releasing and then tightening back up on his good hand.

Never taking his eyes off of her hand he began to call for the doctors and nurses. "NURSE, please you have to come quick! She's moving, she's waking up, please hurry!" He felt tears in his eyes again, tears of relief, hope, and happiness he hadn't felt in weeks. At the sound of someone entering the room he glanced over his shoulder to see Darcy.

"Matt, when did you get here son?"

"Get the doctor, now! She's moving!"

Darcy stood motionless for a second taking in what Matt had said. Right before she turned she saw the slightest movement under the sheets where Claire's feet lay. Her hand flew to her mouth as she ran to the nurse's station. She came back in with a nurse on her heels as she hurried toward the bed.

"I've paged the doctor and he will be here shortly. It's important to not get your hopes up in a situation like this. It's not uncommon for involuntary muscle movement in patients who have been in a non responsive state for an extended period of time."

"Nurse, with all due respect I've read all that on the internet. I know all that you're telling me right now. I also know that God answers prayers and that right in the middle of a prayer for a miracle for my friend she moved. I also know my friend, and her will and her strength. This is her turn around." Matt stared the nurse in the eye, knowing that every word he'd spoken was true.

Half an hour later the doctor had evaluated Claire and said that there were definite signs of her coming around. He would be checking in on her every hour on the hour to monitor her progress. "Darcy can I speak to you outside for a moment," he asked as he slid Claire's chart back into the slot at the foot of the hospital bed.

Darcy nodded and stood, taking Matt's hand in hers pulling him to follow. In the hall she glanced at the doctor. "He can hear anything that you can tell me. It will save me having to go back in and repeat it."

"Very well then," the gray haired doctor said gruffly as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Your daughter has made a miraculous turn around today. She is on the way to a recovery, hopefully a full one. At this point that can't be determined but she is recovering. When she was brought in by ambulance none of really expected her to survive the night, and when she did we thought it was only a matter of time before we were having a much different talk than we are now." He cleared his throat and continued in low hushed tones. "The trauma she had sustained was horrific, the blood loss enormous. Had it not of been for the transfusion she received she wouldn't be here now. That is a fact of which I am sure of. I'm not sure of how badly the trauma of what happened will affect her when she wakes and starts to recover and move on, that's something we will simply have to see. All that I know, is there was someone watching out for that girl, someone more powerful and healing than any of us here in this hospital."

Darcy nodded as silent tears of gratitude and joy ran down her weary cheeks. "Thank you doctor, for everything you have done. If I knew who had donated the blood that saved her life, I'd never be able to repay them."

The doctor looked confused a moment and said, "You do know who gave the blood ma'am."

Darcy looked up at Matt, questions in her eyes. He shook his head just as confused as the others.

"Ma'am, the tall Irishman who was here the night she was brought in, he's the one who donated his blood for her. He was adamant that she not ever know, but I thought for sure he'd have told the two of you."

Matt was shocked but only mildly. He knew that Stephen loved Claire, but he'd never thought or known that he'd given of himself to see that she lived. Turning to Darcy he said, "I have to call him and tell him she's waking up." He ran down the hallway to the elevators and took them down to the cafeteria where he ordered a coke and sat down to make the call.

"Hello?"

"Stephen she's waking up."

There was a loud clatter on the other end of the line and then the tough Irish accent spoke in broken tones. "Are you sure? She's coming around, getting better? She's going to make it?"

"Yes, to all of the questions. Thank you."

"Why are you thanking me, I wasn't the one who did it."

Matt drew in his breath and slowly exhaled. "Stephen, the doctor assumed we knew. Well, he assumed Darcy knew at least, otherwise he'd have never told us I'm sure. The doctor said had it not been for the blood you gave, she wouldn't have lived at all. There would have been no hope, no chance of her pulling through. So yes, you did do it. Thank you, a million times over and so much more than you can ever know. Thank you."

Silence rang out on the other end of the line. Matt almost thought that Stephen had hung up, until he heard him catch his breath. "I don't want her to know. Promise you won't tell her a thing and its thanks enough."

"Why don't you want her to know?"

"Because she can't stand me, that's why. I love that woman enough to lay down my life for her if need be and she thinks I'm a monster. If she ever sees me differently I want it to be on her own, not because of something like this."

Matt could totally understand where the guy was coming from. "You have my word. Don't stay away from here though. Come and visit soon."

"Yeah, I will. Thanks for calling Matt."

Matt hung up the phone and rested his head on the table. He needed to call PJ, to apologize for how he'd acted, and to tell him that he wanted him to stay in his life. It might be the hardest call he ever made but now was the time to do it. Taking a long drink from his Coke, he picked up the phone once more.

"Hello?" Matt didn't speak and once again PJ repeated, "Hello? Matt is that you?"

"Yeah," Matt said on a whisper.

"Is everything okay? Is Claire okay?"

"She's moving, coming around. She's going to make it. The doctors think it's a miracle really."

"I'd thought you'd sound happier. That's great news, right?"

"It is and I'm thrilled. I just… PJ, look; I've not been the nicest guy lately, I've been a down right asshole and I need to tell you that I'm sorry. I've treated you horribly and you didn't deserve it. If you never want to talk to me again then I totally understand that. I just want you to know that I care about you, more than I have anyone in a long time and I am not ready to see you walk out of my life."

"Matt, if you don't know by now that I am falling in love with you, something's wrong. I'm not going anywhere, not unless you tell me too. I was actually about to come visit Claire, if you don't mind. I'd like to see you too. I miss you Matt."

Matt swallowed past the lump in his throat and wondered when the tears would dry up. "I miss you too PJ, bad. Come on up here, then maybe we can get dinner somewhere in town."

"Okay then, give me and hour and I'll be there."

Hanging up Matt felt a weight come off his shoulders that he hadn't even realized was there. He rested his head in his hands and closed his eyes for a moment to process the day up to this point. It wasn't two minutes before he heard his cell phone ring. "Hello," he said not looking at the number.

"Matt, she's asking for you."

His heart stopped for a brief moment and he stood so quickly that he knocked the chair over in his rush. He rushed for elevators and when they didn't arrive fast enough he took off up the five flights of stairs to Claire's floor. He rounded the corner and slid into her room out of breath. He grabbed her hand and watched as her eyelids fluttered and her lips attempted a smile.

"Matt," she whispered hoarsely. It was possibly the sweetest sound he had ever in his life heard.


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32

Matt smiled and choked back his emotions. He would not give in to tears again. He was certain he was well on his way to dehydration, that he was sure of due to the amount of tears he'd shed today alone. He squeezed her hand and said in a soft whisper, "Hey there beautiful."

"I am not beautiful." It was so softly spoken, hoarse with a dryness that came from the last few weeks of her coma state. Claire licked her dry and cracking lips and pushed words past them. "I can't believe you broke your hand."

Matt looked down at the cast and winced. "Yeah, I guess you heard all that went on last night."

A weak smile spread across her face and she nodded. "I've heard everything for awhile now I guess. I'm sorry."

"What are you sorry for? You have done nothing at all to be sorry for. Claire, do not apologize. Please."

A tear slid down her cheek and he wiped it away. Just as he did a doctor walked in and took a look at her chart. "A miracle happened here is what they are telling me. Is that so?"

Darcy spoke then through her tears. "That's the only logical explanation of it doctor. When no one else could figure out why she was in the state she was in, when no one could get her to respond and snap out of it, she makes a turn around. What else would you call it if not a miracle?"

The doctor looked her over and gave a few basic tests to determine that she was functioning at a certain level and then made his notes and left the room. Matt looked at Claire and allowed himself a moment to thank God for pulling her out of the black hole that she was in. He squeezed her hand and smiled down at her for what seemed to be the millionth time.

"What are you looking at?"

"Your eyes, your face, just you because I was scared to death that I wouldn't ever see you again, not this way."

"Matt, you had so little faith in me?" She licked her lips again and attempted to reach for the cup of ice chips on her bedside table. Her weak body wouldn't let her so Matt reached and helped her to get a few pieces into her mouth. She smiled her thanks and allowed it to melt on her tongue before speaking again. "I know I didn't give you a lot to have faith in, but I always knew in my mind, somewhere in there, that you were here. I'd hear you talking to me. I could feel you willing me to not give up when that was all I really wanted to do."

"I'm glad that I was here then, so very glad. If I'd lost you, I really don't know what I would have done. You're my best friend, I loveyou. No one understands me like you do; they never have and never will. The important thing is you pulled through and you didn't give up though. That is all that matters right now."

A weak smile spread across her face. "You really beat Logan's ass huh?"

Matt hung his head and laughed. "Yeah, I guess I did."

A soft knock sounded at the door and Matt turned to see PJ standing in the door. "Hey there you, come on in."

PJ walked in and was surprised to see that Claire was awake. "Hey beautiful, you decided to wake up and talk to us, eh?"

"I heard you were coming. I could not miss your lovely face again." She smiled.

He leaned down and kissed her forehead and then gave Matt a smile. Matt reached out and took his hand in the one that wore the cast. Kissing his fingers he let PJ's hand fall back to his side.

"You look really good."

"So do you for having a broken hand and all." PJ laughed and Matt smiled. PJ then turned his attention to Claire. "Look at you, all bright eyed and acting like you didn't give us all the worst scare in the universe." He smiled down at her again and silently thanked the heavens that she was awake.

"I'm sorry PJ, really I am. I love you guys, all of you so much."

Matt and PJ stood by her bed and talked with her and amongst themselves for another ten minutes before Claire said sleepily, "Now why don't you two go on, go have a nice dinner or something. I know you probably haven't spent a lot of time together lately."

Matt stood slowly and leaned down to kiss her once again. I'll be back to see you in the morning. If you need anything at all, your or your mom, I'm only a call away. I can be here in minutes. I love you."

"We'll be fine. You two get out of here. I love you both dearly, but go!"

Matt turned and hugged Darcy before heading out the door. "I mean it, if you need anything at all, call me." She nodded as he and PJ walked out the door.

Darcy took a moment to stare across the room at her daughter before moving from her spot at the window sill. She walked slowly across the room to the bed, never taking her eyes off of Claire. The young red headed, freckle faced woman had never in her life looked more beautiful than in that moment, Darcy was certain. She took the seat that Matt had vacated and grabbed lightly onto Claire's hand. She never wanted to let go again.

"Mom, I'm sorry."

Darcy's tears were unstoppable then. "You have nothing to be sorry for dear. Nothing in this world to be sorry for, you hear me. It's that no good bastard Logan that should be sorry and I bet you right now that he is. No good miserable excuse for a man is what he is. I hope that he rots away his life in jail."

Claire let out a small laugh; it was the best she could manage at the time. Her throat was still dry and she couldn't reach the cup of the ice chips. "Pass me the ice chips mom, please. My throat is so dry."

Hurriedly Darcy grabbed for the ice, almost knocking it over in the rush. She spooned some onto Claire's tongue and when it melted gave her more. After about five minutes of that she sat the cup down and looked into her daughter's eyes. "How are you feeling?"

"Like hell mom, I can't lie. My whole body is hurting it seems like. I feel like I need to walk but that if I attempt it I'll fall flat on my face. Do you think they could get me something, Tylenol, Advil, anything like that for the pain?"

"I sure will get them to bring you something sweetheart. Hang tight, I'll be right back." Stepping out into the hallway Darcy looked left and right for Claire's nurse. She spotted her sitting at the nurse's station sipping on a cold coffee drink and nibbling on a chocolate bar. She walked over and smiled. "Excuse me, I hate to interrupt, but my daughter, Claire, she's awake and in awful pain. Is there anyway to get her something for it?"

"Of course we can Miss Darcy, just give me a few minutes to check her charts and see what the doctors would like her to be given and grab it. I'll be right in with it." The pretty young nurse said from behind her hand as she finished chewing and swallowed the bite of chocolate she'd just taken. Once it was headed to her stomach she smiled politely and said, "Is there anything else at all that we can get for you? Are you ready for your meal?"

Shaking her head Darcy said, "No thank you dear. Just please bring her something for her pain. Thank you." As she started to head back to the room the young nurse called out her name, stopping her and making her turn. "Yes dear," Darcy asked.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I'm really glad Claire woke up. I've been praying for her if you don't mind, and I really think it is a miracle that she's awake and talking now. Some of the doctors are taking all this credit for bringing her around, but I know that they had nothing to do with it at all. It was a miracle plain and simple. Prayer at work, and it was you and that guy who was always here, giving her strength. That's the only reason she is still here today if you want my opinion." When she trailed off she looked down at the floor sheepishly, looking as if she shouldn't have spoken the words aloud.

Darcy stood there where she was, in a stunned silence. To hear such a young person, taught to rely on medication and it's healing powers, say the things that this girl just said touched her in a way she couldn't explain. She watched as the girl reached up and wiped a tear from her eyes before she walked over to her and wrapped her in a motherly hug. "Sweetheart you are totally correct. This was a miracle, and act of God and prayer that you'd have to of seen to believe. Thank you for sharing that with me. I needed to hear it, even if I can't explain why."

The nurse stepped back and smiled through watery eyes. "It was nothing, just the facts as I see them. Let me go get the pain medication. I'll be right in to get them flowing in the IV."


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33

Close to a month after Claire had opened her eyes she was headed home. It was chilly outside that day and she shivered as she waited on the car to be pulled around for her. It was near the end of February and she was so far behind on her plans for her rehabilitation center that she felt as though she were at the beginning. Everyone told her not to worry about it that she had all the time in the world to get it done but she couldn't help it. It was more important to her now than ever.

As the car pulled up to the curb where she waited she smiled at Matt, thankful that he had stuck with her, never giving up on her. She was truly blessed to have a friend like him. That thought reminded her of the necklace he'd given her for Christmas. "Matt do you know if anyone found my necklace? You know the one you had given me for Christmas. I seem to remember that Logan ripped off of my neck, but that's about it."

Matt took her hand and smiled. "I have it waiting on you at your house. I found it and had the chain repaired. Your mom had all of the carpet ripped up and new put in because there were places that just wouldn't come clean. Your house is as good as new, and thanks to God so are you."

Claire smiled at him and wondered as he pulled out onto the busy street just how it would feel walking back into her house. The last time she'd been in it she'd almost been killed. Would she be able to sleep alone in the place, to function inside the walls that knew the terror of that long ago day, she thought? The questions popped into her head like the kernels of popping corn, one new thought coming to life almost immediately after the one before it. Lost in her thoughts she didn't even realize that there were tears falling until she felt Matt reach out to wipe them away.

"Hey you," he whispered. "It's all going to be okay. He's in jail and he can't hurt you now. I know that going back to this house is going to be hard on you, but you're strong. Hell, you're probably the strongest person I know. You can do this, but it will take time. If you need me or want me too, I'm more than willing to stay with you until you're okay with being in that place alone."

Claire shook her head and forced a smile. "I can do this, I have to. Besides, mom will be there I'm sure. I don't know that I can get her to leave now. You've given up so much for me already I feel like. You need to take time for you and focus on you and your life. I'm sure PJ would love seeing you and having some Claire free time."

"He'd deal with it though. He loves you just as much as I do, ya know?" He squeezed her hand and smiled as they pulled into her drive way. "Here we are. You ready to go in?"

"I think I just need a minute," Claire whispered. Looking at the house that had been a safe haven for her once upon a time she felt her whole body tremble. That safe haven had been shattered in one night. No amount of cleaning and new carpet could erase the memories. She appreciated the thought, appreciated the love in the actions but no one could ever fully understand the lasting effect.

Ten minutes passed by in silence before Claire wordlessly opened her door and got out of the car. She slowly began walking toward the front door, as though she never wanted to reach it. Matt came up beside of her and took her hand and pulled her into a hug.

"Come on babe, we will do this together." He smiled down at her and softly kissed her forehead. "Let's go."

With a deep breath she held onto his hand tightly and began walking toward the front door. What she couldn't say out loud was that she was terrified that as soon as she opened the door to walk in the whole scene would replay itself right in front of her eyes. She'd lived it once; she wasn't so sure she could live through it again. She knew that Matt would understand but in telling him then she would be making that fear all too real and that would only increase the chances of it happening.

When they reached the door Matt reached out to turn the knob to let them inside. "No, wait, let me do it," Claire said quietly. "I need to do this."

She slowly opened the door and saw her mom rise up from the couch and start to walk over to meet her. Behind her mother she saw PJ, Steve Kiern, and of all people Stephen. She wasn't sure what he was doing here but she let it go. He wasn't the bad guy. She may not like him, his size alone might unnerve her and even scare her a bit, but something was a little different about being in the same room as him now, even if she couldn't put her finger on it.

Her mom looked at her a moment before her hand went to her mouth as she choked back the tears. "Mom, please don't cry."

"I was so afraid that I wouldn't see you walking through that door ever again. I was terrified that that horrible man had finally taken you away from me forever. I can't tell you what I would have done had I lost you." Her mom's tears fell down her cheeks from eyes that had aged so much the last few months. The older woman wrapped her arms around her daughter and hugged her tightly. "I love you so very much dear."

Choking on her tears Claire whispered "I love you too mom." Then she pulled away from her mother's embrace and turned toward the other two men in the room. "Thank you both for being here, and for the calls and cards and flowers while I was in the hospital. It really meant a lot."

Steve Kiern came forward then and wrapped her in a big hug. "I am so thankful that you're okay Claire, and I am so very sorry that you had to go through this hell. I've said it before and I still mean it, you're like a daughter to me and I was worried sick about you. I kept pestering Matt and anyone else who I thought might have a clue for details on how you were doing."

Claire smiled broadly. "I'm fine, really I am. Thank you so much for being there and for caring so much. You're so much like a dad to me. It feels like he sent you to me, to take care of me since he was gone." Then Claire turned to Stephen and silently walked to where the big man stood. She hesitantly rose to her tiptoes and wrapped her arms around his neck. In a voice only he could hear she whispered, "Thank you for visiting me when you did and thank you for coming here when Matt asked you too. If you hadn't of, then I wouldn't be here today."

The big man looked down at his shoes when she stepped away, fighting the urge to grab her and pull her close. "It was nothing, really. I'm just glad you're okay."

"Well thankfully I'm better than okay, I'm alive. Now, all that is out of the way, so you guys sit back and relax while I cook some dinner."

"Claire why don't you just sit and let me fix something," her mom said. "You just came home and rest might be better for you than getting in the kitchen and messing around."

Claire smiled and thought briefly about taking her mom's kindhearted suggestion. "No, mom, I need to get in there. I need to get the memories over with and I'd rather do it when I'm surrounded by those who care." Smiling still Claire turned and headed toward the kitchen. She paused where the carpet gave way to the wood flooring and felt her heart beat quicken and her head start to spin. Reaching out to steady herself, she felt the coolness of the counter and instantly felt better. She realized then that she was burning up. She flipped a switch and the ceiling fan started stirring cool air and the breeze felt wonderful against her heated skin. She closed her eyes and let herself get lost in the cool air before opening the refrigerator to get dinner supplies out. She didn't even notice Matt as he came up behind her.

"Claire, are you alright?"

She turned and smiled at him. "I'm fine yes. I'm just fine. Want to help me fix dinner? I was thinking a nice homemade lasagna with garlic bread on the side, salads. How's that sound?"

Matt just smiled at her and began taking out the supplies that they would need and helping her fix dinner.


	34. Chapter 34

Chapt. 34

Later that night after everyone was gone, Claire sat on her couch with a glass of wine in her hands, sipping it slowly. She thought back over the day and the past months, at least those parts that she remembered, and she was grateful for those who had stayed by her side. She kept trying to grab hold of a memory that was skirting the edges of her brain, but every time she thought that she had it within her grasp it would dart just out of reach. All she knew was that whatever it was she was trying to remember had gotten her through this whole ordeal that she had survived. Finally, she just gave up on it. She stood and sat her glass in the sink before climbing the stairs to the bedroom where she had almost taken her last breath. She was determined that she would sleep in her bed tonight; he wouldn't take that comfort from her. She was alone in the house, much to the disapproval of her friends and mother, but this was something that she had to do on her own, no matter how hard it proved to be.

She went into her bathroom and changed out of her jeans and shirt and into her pajamas before washing her face then heading back to the bedroom. She sat slowly on the edge of the bed, pulling the covers back hesitantly. She wasn't quite sure now that being here alone was the best idea but she didn't want to call anyone and give the impression that she was weak and unable to move on in her life. She could do this, she thought to herself as she slipped her feet under the covers and reached to grab a stack of papers from the bedside table. Her radio was softly playing and she slid her glasses on and began to read, allowing every other thought to flee her mind. She felt so much more resolve in getting her center for the abused and those who faced discrimination on a daily basis from the papers in her hands to an actual building. She had the building but it stood empty still, and people were still in need of the help she intended to provide.

An hour later she was jolted from her reading by what sounded like a whisper in her ear. This was the memory she'd been searching for downstairs, the one that had been eluding her no matter how she tried. As the memory unfolded her first thought was that her dad was telling her in his own way that it hadn't been time for her and that she just had to hold on, but then clarity set in and she felt the tears start to wet her cheeks. Without a thought she reached for her cell phone and dialed the number she never imagined that she would be calling.

About thirty minutes later Claire opened the door and stepped back to let Stephen in. She was really surprised that he had agreed to come with no explanation as to why she was calling at one in the morning. After the way she had treated him since their first meeting she wouldn't have blamed him if he wanted nothing to do with her.

"So, not that I mind, I don't, but why did you want me to come over here at this hour? You've spent forever doing all that you can just to stay as far away from me as you could; now you want me in your house?"

"Can I get you some tea, or coffee, anything?" Claire asked avoiding his question.

The big man sighed and leaned back against the door frame, crossing his arms over his chest. "Really I would just like to know what has you ringing my phone at this time of night and asking me to come to your house for a talk. We can have tea later, for now let's just talk."

"I have Guinness; I can get you one of those. Why don't you go have a seat on the sofa and make yourself at home? I'll be right in." Without waiting for an answer Claire walked into the kitchen, listening to his footsteps as he began to walk toward the living room. Her palms had started to sweat and she was beginning to think that maybe having him here alone was a bad idea. Her nerves were taking over and she could not let them win this time around. She had to talk to him, it was the only way to grab ahold of the elusive memory and she knew that. She was ready to piece her broken thoughts and memories back together. Logan would not steal them from her any longer than he already had.

With a deep breath she grabbed two of the cold beers out of the fridge and headed back to the living room. She saw him sitting on her couch, remote in hand, flipping through the channels. Such a man thing, she thought as she slowed her steps. Taking a deep breath she cleared her throat and he turned slowly to face her. Her stomach clenched and she wasn't sure why. She knew he didn't scare her anymore; obviously it was a gut reaction to him. He put the television on an all music channel and scooted over to the side of the sofa.

"So are you finally going to sit down and start talking to me or am I just here to drink beers?"

Claire licked her lips and handed him his drink as she took a seat on the other side of the sofa from him. "So I have these memories, only they aren't memories at all. They are more like previews of memories that I haven't been released yet. It's driving me insane and I am just ready to put it all together. It's been coming to me in pieces, in my dreams, when I sit here and zone out, in the shower, anytime! Shadows of things, snip its. I just want my mind back together."

His heart ached for her and her obvious pain at not feeling whole. Hell after all she had put him through, ignoring him, making him feel like he was a bigger monster than her idiot ex-husband, he should just stand up and walk away, tell her to figure it out on her own. If only his heart could get that message from his brain he would do it. She still tugged at his heart like no one else in the world ever had.

"I don't understand how I can help you with that at all. Seems like Matt would be the best one to talk to about it," Stephen said softly. He wanted to help her but he just didn't see how he could with this.

She shook her head slowly. "Maybe I said it wrong, or maybe I just didn't finish my thought. I seem to do that a lot lately. I'm sorry. Let me go back, start over and then you will see why I had you come over. Of course now in my mind it seems silly. I should have just called you tomorrow. See, there have been memories that have toyed with my mind. They weren't whole, they were just showing up in pieces and I've been slowly piecing them together. They all seem to find their way to me but this one memory, until tonight I had a totally different image of what it was. Then I was reading a book and suddenly it came to me that I have been wrong this whole time."

Stephen tried to read her eyes, to see where she was going with this, but he couldn't. "Okay, and what did you realize tonight? What was it that had you calling me?"

"You," she said simply.

"Me? I don't understand."

Claire scooted to the middle of the couch, putting them closer together, and reached out to touch his hand. "Thank you. If you had not of been there I wouldn't be here today. I know that as much as I know that I have to make a difference in this world."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Who had told her that he'd donated the blood that saved her? He had wanted it to stay a secret. "So did you hear the doctors talking about the donation or did someone tell you?" He kept his head down, not wanting to see her face. He didn't want her gratitude and he didn't want her to all of a sudden like him just because he'd been poked with a needle and gave up a little blood.

"No, what are you talking about, donation? I'm confused. I was talking about something else I guess." When he muttered a curse under his breath she said, "Stephen what donation are you talking about? Is there something I should know about?"

"Nothing, nothing really, I just thought you were talking about something else I guess. What were you saying again?" He forced his eyes to look into hers. "Please, continue what you were saying."

She eyed him with curiosity, wanting to know exactly what he had meant by his comment. Slowly she said, "Before everyone got here to help me, there was this faint voice and whisper in my ear. I swore it was my dad, his slow Gaelic tongue telling me that it wasn't my time, to just hold on that help was coming and I would be just fine. I knew it was my dad as well as I knew he'd been right. Tonight though, it all came to me while I was sitting in my bed reading. I was lost in the words of the book, lost in the story when I heard that voice again, heard the words telling me that it wasn't my time and then singing the most beautiful Irish lullaby." Tears were once again streaking her cheeks and she wiped them away before he could do it for her. "t was you in my ear that night, not my dad."

With a deep breath he said, "Yeah, I was there talking to you. I didn't know what else to do and it just felt right to do it in the native language. I was terrified that night."

A small giggle escaped Claire's lips. "You, you were terrified? I wouldn't think anything could scare you."

"You didn't see what I saw that night. I may have come across confident to you that night but in all honesty I was terrified that the paramedics weren't going to get here in time. I prayed that night for the first time in a long time." Stephen had to choke back on his tears as they fought to escape. He just didn't want her to see him that weak, that broken at the thought of losing her.

"Tell me what you were talking about before. When you asked if I had overheard someone talking about the donation, what did you mean? What donation were you talking about?"

He shook his head. "Nothing Claire, really, just let it go. I'm sure soon enough you will find out but really it's not important. I promise you that."

Claire stared at him, searching his face for a glimpse of what he was hiding from her. "I don't believe you, you know that right? I don't believe that it's not important and I definitely don't believe it that it's nothing. Stephen, here I am asking you to open up to me, to talk to me, and you won't. I need to know the things I don't. Besides, if you don't tell me I'll just ask Matt."

"Then you're just going to have to ask him." He stood up and headed toward the kitchen. "Can I get another beer?"

"Of course," she said as she dialed Matt's number. When he answered she could hear the worry in his voice.

"First of all Matt, I'm fine. I was just curious about something that Stephen said tonight and he refuses to elaborate on it for me. I told him I was going to ask you and he said I'd have to. He mentioned something about me hearing someone talking about a donation, or that maybe someone had told me about it, but I have no idea what he's talking about. What donation is it Matt?"

"Claire, ask me anything but that and I'll be happy to answer you. I just can't tell you that, I've made a promise."

"What about that promise you made to me that you would never keep anything from me? That was a promise too. I hate to play ugly, but I feel like this is something I need to know!"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. Finally Matt spoke, barely in a whisper. "Stephen donated the blood that they used for your transfusion. Without it you would have died."

Claire gasped in shock. After all she had done to him, the horrible way she had treated him, he'd saved her life twice in one night it seemed. "I have to go," she whispered and hung up the phone. It fell out of her hands onto the soft plush carpet by the couch. She looked up as Stephen walked back into the living room and fresh tears poured from her eyes, words failed to escape her throat.

"You called him didn't you?" When she didn't speak he shook his head and took a seat on the sofa beside her. After a long drink from his second Guinness he sat it down on the table and turned to her. "I didn't want you to know. I thought that if you did you'd like me out of duty or something. Gotta like the guy who saved your life, that kind of thing, and I didn't want that. If you ever liked me, whether in friendship or something more, I wanted it to be because you liked me for me, not what I had done."

"You saved my life before that needle ever took your blood Stephen. I just don't understand why you did it. I was so horrible to you, treated you like you were something to be feared! You're a wonderful man and I can see that now, before I knew of the donation I saw that, but now, it's clearer than ever before."

"I think I should go, you need your rest and you're not getting it with me here. If you will let me, I'll call you tomorrow and we can maybe get some lunch and talk about things."

Claire shook her head. "I'd like that." Standing with him she walked him to her door and waved as he stepped into the porch light. As he started to walk away she called out his name. "Stephen! Wait!" She ran to where he stood and wrapped her arms around his waist. Her head lay on his chest and she hugged him tightly. "Thank you for coming tonight and thank you for everything else you've done for me too."

"It was nothing. Really," he said.

"You're wrong about that big guy, it was everything to me." Claire stood on her tip toes and placed a quick and soft kiss to his chin before turning and heading back into the house. Just as she was closing the door she heard him call to lock the doors. She smiled as she turned the lock and headed upstairs to bed.


	35. Chapter 35

Chapt. 35

Two Weeks Later…

"So you're telling me that you and Stephan had a date last night, and you love the man? What the hell happened to him being horrible and exactly what you were trying to get away from?"

Claire smiled. "I was wrong Matt. I think maybe I fought any sort or relationship because yes, he scared me, but only because of the connection and attraction I'd felt for him. I was wrong. I see that now and really Matt, life is just too short." She grabbed a paintbrush and touched up the last bit of trim in the last office in her building. Man that was a nice thought. Her building, even though in her eyes it was the building of the people who would need it most, not just hers alone. "Matt, I've been thinking."

He laughed and looked up at her. "Why does that scare me?"

"Oh shut up," she said throwing a paintbrush at him. "Seriously, I've been thinking and I know you want to stay quiet about you and PJ and all with your work and stuff and I get that. But, I was thinking you could stay quiet and still speak out."

Now she had his attention. He looked at her through squinted eyes as though she'd sprouted three heads all of a sudden. "What are you talking about?"

"I just mean that you could help out here at the center in your spare time, front desk or something, taking calls or whatever. No one would have to know that you have a boyfriend. But having someone there to greet these people, many who will be in your shoes, who gets it firsthand would be amazing. I trust you with my dream."

"That's a lot to think about, and I'm going to have to think about it and talk it over with PJ. I'd love to help you out in any way that I can you know that. We have three weeks until your grand opening. I'll give you a definite answer before then okay?" She nodded and Matt smiled. "Now come on you and lets go get some lunch"

Hand in hand they strolled down the sidewalk to the corner café to grab a much needed lunch. They talked about the opening and Claire told him how excited she was at the appointments that they already had lined up for the big day.

"I just can't believe we already have six appointments for opening day. It's like we are already helping people out and we aren't even open yet."

"I believe that this is going to be a huge success for you Claire, I really do. Your heart and soul has been poured into it, your blood, sweat, and tears. You know where these people are coming from just as well as I do. I'm so proud of you Claire. More than you can know I look up to you and wish that there was more I could do to help you day to day. I don't feel like I thank you enough for being the best friend that I've ever had, for always accepting me and loving me without judgment. There's a lot to be said for that."

She looked down shyly at her salad. "You know that goes both ways Matt. You've been there for me, even when I was lost in hell it seems. Without you, I might not have made it through that. You never gave up on me when I so often wanted to throw in the towel. Your determination that I would be okay kept me from tapping out many times Matt."

He smiled and brushed the back of his hand over his eyes. "I love you. End of that story." They both laughed as they finished their lunches.


	36. Chapter 36

Chapt 36

"Claire, look at you woman you look breathtaking." Claire turned to see Stephen standing in the doorway, a large bouquet of flowers in hand, smiling at her. She smoothed down the hemline of her dress self-consciously and touched her neckline, bare but for fine scars from the attack that had nearly taken her life.

"You think so huh?" She smiled flirtatiously up at him and walked across the room to where he stood. "As long as I look okay I'm good, cause inside I'm a wreck! I'm so nervous that my palms are sweating and my throat is constantly dry."

"Don't be nervous sweetheart, this place looks wonderful. You've done an outstanding job here. The decorations are perfect, everything is perfect. Right down to you." He leaned down and softly kissed her lips.

She sighed and leaned into his muscled chest for a moment before standing. "The flowers are beautiful. Let me get something for them. I know just the place to put them to make them the center of the night."

As she filled a short round bowl type vase with water and trimmed the stems down so that the flowers would fit just so Stephen asked, "So is Matt really going through with this?"

Claire nodded. "He said if I can do the things I have done this should be nothing at all. I just hate that I feel like I've pushed him into it. And I hope I didn't screw up with something I did."

"Oh my love do I even want to know what you have done now?"

Arranging the flowers she picked up the vase and began to walk to the main room. "I may have invited his mom and brother down here for today."

"And let me guess, he hasn't a clue about it all?"

Claire shook her head. Glancing up at the clock she was shocked to see that there as only ten minutes until everything was to begin. "We had better get outside Stephen." She let him take her small, petite hand in his oversized one and allowed him to kiss her lips one last time before they started to walk out.

"Claire, I'm proud of you. This is big, and it is yours. I cannot wait to see the lives that you help with this."

"Thank you," she whispered as they walked out into the bright Tampa sunlight.

The mayor spoke about what a ray of light this place was going to be for the community and surrounding areas, singing the praises of Claire Ryan. "Before I let Claire come to say a few words I want to give someone else the microphone. Matt," said the mayor, holding out the microphone for Matt to take it.

As he held the microphone in his hands and took a deep breath Claire felt her stomach clench for him. She couldn't believe he bravery he was about to show to the audience today.

"My name is Matt and I will be helping Claire out here at the offices part time. First of all I want to say that Claire is the most genuine person you will ever meet and I am blessed to call her my friend. She is my inspiration in this life. Some of you may have seen me work. I'm a professional wrestler, so I'm used to crowds like this one, and even speaking on a microphone, making sure that my words get across but today, well today may just be the hardest promo of my life. Yes, I am a professional wrestler. I am also gay. There is a large misconception I think that in professions like this one that being gay isn't allowed, or that you can't be gay if this is what you do for a living. You would be surprised how many gay athletes, men and women there are today. We have no ulterior motive; we are just like anyone else doing what we do. We do it because we love the sport f it, no other reason at all. Am I taking a risk coming out today? Possibly, but it is time to be who I am, the man I was born to be. It's time to step out and be an example for others who are confused and afraid. Thanks to Claire and this amazing organization, I can help those who have lived life as I have. I can give back and make a difference to one person." He sat the microphone down and started to walk away when his brother let out a yell from the audience followed by his mom.

"That's my son and I love him!"

Claire saw from her vantage point that Matt's eyes filled with tears, hearing the words that he'd longed for all of his life. She felt her eyes misted over with tears as well. She quickly brushed them away and took her place at the podium.

"I want to thank you all for coming out today to support this organization. It is my belief and thoughts that people don't reach out because they believe that no one is there who really understands what they are going through. I want the people of this community to know that no matter what it is there is someone here who knows what you're going through, who has come out on the other side of it, and wants to help you to do the same. We have toll free numbers set up that you can call anonymously to speak to someone who is familiar with your situation and knows where you are and can meet you at that place to bring you into a new and happier place. From group meetings to one on one sessions and everything in between we will do whatever it takes to help you."

Claire took deep breath and continued. "My name is Claire Ryan. I was once married to a professional football player who was not only mentally, emotionally, and verbally abusive but he was physically abusive as well. My final blow was the day he burned me with a hot spatula on my stomach, and beat me until I miscarried a child that he didn't even know existed. I ran and filed for divorce. I'd love to tell you that was the end of his abuse but I can't. He broke into my mother's home and attacked me there and again he broke into my home here and attacked me. That last attack landed him in jail for attempted murder and it landed me in the hospital barely alive. I was given transfusions and medications while in a comatic state for the longest of time. But one day I woke up and in all honesty I never look back. You see that day when I woke up I had the same choice that anyone else has. I could let my past break me, or I could use it to become better than I had ever been before. Today I stand before you all better than I have been since the day I said I do, when I really should have said I don't. I'm not here to tell you that it's easy because it isn't, but I am here to tell you that myself and all of the staff here at The Heart Of The Matter Center are here to help in any way that we can. I look forward to meeting you all, and helping any who need it! Now, let's get inside and have some refreshments."

Before Claire could lead the crowd in Stephan took the microphone from her and spoke. "I just want a minute to say a word please. Claire, from the day I saw you I knew that you wouldn't be easy to forget or to let go of. You got under my skin that day and worked your way straight to my heart, even when you did your best to push me away. I love you Claire and there was a time I thought I would lose you before I ever had you. I don't want to live through that feeling ever again. I don't want to ever know what breathing without you by my side is like again." The big Irishman looked straight into Claire's eyes and smiled a smile that warmed her to her toes. He dropped to a knee and took her hand and the tears she'd been battling spilled over. "Claire, you are what I've been searching for. You saved me from myself and I know that you are that piece that I couldn't find until I saw you face. I'd be blessed and honored to have you as my wife, if you'd have me as your husband of course." He held a ring up and waited without breathing for her answer.

"I said I would never marry again, especially a guy like you, but you sir have broken down every wall in my life and you helped me fall in love for what feels like the first time in my life." Claire spoke so that only he could hear her. "I'd be insane to walk away from you, when all I really want if to wake up beside you every morning until forever."

He slid the ring on her finger and wrapped her in his oversized arms, hugging her close. The crowd applauded and followed the happy couple into the office space as the first day of forever began for so many.

Sequel coming soon….


End file.
